Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that it's ok to spend a bit on life's little pleasures?

32 replies

squashedalmondcroissant · 16/04/2022 20:43

I had a long, tiring, busy day at work today, even more so than expected as I covered some hours for a colleague who wasn't feeling well.

I decided I really couldn't be arsed to cook so after work I took myself out to dinner! I'm very lucky in that I live and work in a nice coastal town so I picked a place nearby where I could sit and watch the waves and it was glorious 😍 The food was delicious and I got a pint of fancy craft beer you can't buy in shops 😁

Now I'm not planning on hiding the fact but I know if I tell dp that I went out for food when we had plenty at home he would think it's a waste of money but aibu to think that it really isn't to have some small pleasures in life like this? He's very frugal by nature and was brought up with eating out being a very rare treat so only thinks to do stuff like this on special occasions. I was too, but I love food and am very fortunate to live somewhere with great choices for a lovely meal and a lovely experience so I absolutely don't see it as a waste even though I probably could have made the same thing at home for a fraction of the cost 😂 Aibu and frivolous? Or is this sort of thing definitely worth it?

*Just to add - I'm not well off by any means but the food wasn't expensive and I have no bills left to pay for this month 😁

OP posts:
ssd · 16/04/2022 20:44

Good on you

OldSpeclkledHen · 16/04/2022 20:45

I'm so jealous, what's wrong with treating yourself?

countdowntonap · 16/04/2022 20:46

We’ll, these places only exist because it’s worth it…

TheSnowyOwl · 16/04/2022 20:46

Yanbu. Glad you enjoyed it and hope your DP doesn’t make you feel guilty for it in the future.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 16/04/2022 20:48

That sounds amazing, I'm well jealous!!

NurseBernard · 16/04/2022 20:48

YANBU, of course.

But do you know what jumped out to me?

The fact that you didn’t take your DP to enjoy such a nice thing.

If that thought occurred to me, I’d suggest it to DH and off we’d go (and not to say doing things alone sometimes isn’t nice - it is).

Reading between the lines - you couldn’t do that, because your DP would have said no, made you feel guilty about spending the money, and (consciously or sub-consciously - only you know) ruined your enjoyment of a lovely thing.

What a shame.

hattie43 · 16/04/2022 20:51

Be careful you'll have someone along any minute telling you joe tone deaf you are for treating yourself when others are struggling to survive Confused

Enjoy yourself we all need pick me ups .

hattie43 · 16/04/2022 20:52

How

fourquenelles · 16/04/2022 20:54

My view is that life is not a dress rehearsal and we only pass this way once. You had the spare money, you had the time and you looked after yourself and gave yourself a virtual hug. Good for you.

thewhatsit · 16/04/2022 20:54

Good for you.

DH eats out when it’s practical - if we’re out at a mealtime basically - he doesn’t enjoy it like I do. For me, there are many many things I’d give up before I gave up the odd meal out. Everyone just values things differently.

Fuckitydoodah · 16/04/2022 20:55

Yanbu. I've been reminded recently that life is precious and to be enjoyed. Everyone should indulge in life's little pleasures as much as they can.

excelledyourself · 16/04/2022 20:58

Good for you, OP.

You earned the money that paid for it. Earning money simply to pay bills is a horrible existence. If that needn't be your reality, don't make it so.

Imlovinglife · 16/04/2022 21:00

Do what you want

MrsSugar · 16/04/2022 21:00

YANBU !

Ur a long time deid so treat urself when u can. Life really is too short. This was hammered home to me by a sudden loss and I realised wtf am I doing keeping things for best and not enjoying myself when I can !
Live it up !
Ps - I’d abso love love love to live on the coast and enjoy an evening like urs !

DragonOverTheMoon · 16/04/2022 21:02

Enjoy OP. Sounds lovely. Shame your DP is a misery guts.

Original poster
squashedalmondcroissant · 16/04/2022 21:03

@hattie43, that did occur to me after I'd posted 😬 At least it wasn't a 3 course meal with lobster and champagne 😂

@fourquenelles and @Fuckitydoodah I absolutely believe that yes we only pass this way once and life IS the special occasion. As long as you're not skimping on the important essentials why not treat yourself?! Dp is a bit more of a saver though so things like meals out where you don't really get anything tangible at the end is a bit alien to him. Investing in a long term 'thing' is much more his style.

@NurseBernard I would have still suggested it to him but he's at work tonight so I knew it would just be me either way!

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 16/04/2022 21:08

That sounds lovely OP.

Should he notice and complain, just remind him it is part of the package that is glorious you.

Also, relationships are about compromise.

Also, he should try it. We are a long time dead.

Luredbyapomegranate · 16/04/2022 21:10

@NurseBernard

YANBU, of course.

But do you know what jumped out to me?

The fact that you didn’t take your DP to enjoy such a nice thing.

If that thought occurred to me, I’d suggest it to DH and off we’d go (and not to say doing things alone sometimes isn’t nice - it is).

Reading between the lines - you couldn’t do that, because your DP would have said no, made you feel guilty about spending the money, and (consciously or sub-consciously - only you know) ruined your enjoyment of a lovely thing.

What a shame.

I think he was just out? I don’t think the OP was pretending she was at yoga. Were you pretending to be at yoga OP?!?!
hattie43 · 16/04/2022 21:11

[quote squashedalmondcroissant]@hattie43, that did occur to me after I'd posted 😬 At least it wasn't a 3 course meal with lobster and champagne 😂

@fourquenelles and @Fuckitydoodah I absolutely believe that yes we only pass this way once and life IS the special occasion. As long as you're not skimping on the important essentials why not treat yourself?! Dp is a bit more of a saver though so things like meals out where you don't really get anything tangible at the end is a bit alien to him. Investing in a long term 'thing' is much more his style.

@NurseBernard I would have still suggested it to him but he's at work tonight so I knew it would just be me either way! [/quote]
You have every right to spend your money on treats and any other way . I've only recently joined mn and am becoming tired of all the ' tone deaf ' or ' read the room ' posts aimed at people who dare to spend money when others can't .

tkwal · 16/04/2022 21:17

You were definitely not being unreasonable, sounds like a lovely way to end a long and very busy day

SweetSakura · 16/04/2022 21:20

Yanbu. Life is for living. And think - you were supporting all sorts of local businesses and looking after your well being Smile

DH left his ex wife because her constant frugality ground him down. She has loads of money but never does anything fun. Her children have never had a birthday party or a proper holiday.

For me, it is about finding a healthy balance between spending and saving. I refuse to be squirrelling away all my money for a tomorrow I might never get to see.

Original poster
squashedalmondcroissant · 16/04/2022 21:24

I totally agree @Luredbyapomegranate. And I definitely wasn't pretending to be at yoga 😂 I'm too exhausted after today!

@tkwal oh it really was. The luxury of being able to sit down and read my book while other people brought me tasty food and beer, and then tidied it away so I didn't have to clean up after myself was just exactly what I needed. The cherry on top was walking home past a beautiful sunset (which I wouldn't have seen if I'd gone straight home) 😁

OP posts:
icanonlydosomuch · 16/04/2022 23:01

If my DP was frugal and inferred that I shouldn't take myself off out for dinner because I've got food at home, I'd go out even more just to prove I can!

FollowTheLizards · 16/04/2022 23:10

Sounds perfect to me! Look at it this way, you eating out is keeping someone else in a job and it gives you the chance to recharge, so everyone wins. I do get the frugal mentality though and my knee jerk reaction would probably be similar to your DP's, but then I would realise I was being daft.

Kite22 · 16/04/2022 23:14

YANBU at all.
That sounds lovely and definitely the sort of thing I would do

Swipe left for the next trending thread