My 4 yo is impossible to potty train

[Annon12345]

2 years we've been trying. Ds starts school this year, has had several sen assessment and waiting for hospital appointment. Also has Speech delay. 2 years we've been trying to potty train and I'm basically talking to myself. If naked he knows to use the potty but goes for a little wee every 10 mins, for a number 2 will hold it in until eventually gives up we put him on loo and wait for up to hour. He goes we give him loads of praise, a sticker, a chocolate more praise but then next day he's asking for nappy , holds it in or wee on floor. I've mentioned it to gp hv and I even paid for for nanny now parent help person i found online to check my method she gave me a plan but its not worked. I'm going mad. he starts school in September I don't know what to do. He won't tell us when he needs to go or when he wants to go or when hes been. Mostly when we talk to him it's like he's in his own world. I need to return to work full time in September and I fear he's going to removed from class. Help please

My DD2 was 4. OK with going for a wee, but was still waiting on having a poo until 'too late'. At Christmas I gave her a pouch of 1p coins, and told her that for every poo I'd give her another penny, 2p if we were out and I needed more time to find a toilet.

It would cost a penny if there was an accident, not as punishment but for laundry costs.

We had one accident after that - in the first few days. I'm not saying my method would work, but if it's a matter of focus then a lighthearted bribe might be the thing it takes.

Is he constipated? The 'waiting an hour' part made me wonder. That definitely wouldn't help as he may associate the toilet with discomfort which is why he wants nappies back. (Just guessing here btw)

I think the issue is you started him too early at 2yo Also, with any additional needs he might be struggling with the concept. My ds doesn't have any additional needs and he was only ready at 3.5yo. Surely with awaiting an assessment, the school can be a bit understanding? Is it possible to stop completely, and start again in a few months.

ERIC might be able to help you, at least check out their website. Ds1 took forever to get on the toilet as he was scared of going and we had to use movicol for withholding. What eventually worked was huge amounts of bribery. Star chart to get to a toy he wanted, but they were big toys, not just little cheap ones. The key for us was to have a big enough reward to make it worth his while, chocolat buttons just weren't cutting it.

He shouldn’t be removed from school. I’m a SENCo and I’ve worked with many children who start school with toileting issues.

1. September is still quite some way away in a 4 year olds life. It could still be fine by school start time.
2. He’s not the first and won’t be the last.
3. Have you spoken to your health visitor? They can work with you and then pass you over to the school nursing team (that’s what would happen in my area but yours may be different).
4. Does he go to nursery? What do they say?
5. When you know where he is going to school, speak to the SENCo.
6. What do the people conducting his SEN assessment say? What are they investigating?

The vast majority of the time, this will work out fine in the end. The vast majority of children are continent eventually, your child may just take a bit longer and need a different approach. Good luck.

If he has Sen then it will take longer . My son has Sn and I cracked it when he was 5 after trying sooooo hard for years! Has he got an ehcp ? Support for school? I found a ms school that was ok for him to come in a nappies . Obvs most won't unless you have an ehcp and it's in there with the schools acceptance .
Have you got a continence nurse ?

To add, we have children come in nappies with no underlying SEN and we do not discriminate on their access to education.