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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be worried my DS11 is fat?

41 replies

Rubixtwister · 16/04/2022 16:08

I haven't said anything to him but he is clearly becoming aware of it, he keeps making comments about having massive chunky thighs ans he keeps trying to hide himself when not wearing a T-shirt. I have been putting his weight gain down the the fact he must be due a growth spurt but he is now getting really chunky. I can't control what he eats at school and I think they give loads of snacks at break and lunch. He seems to have a ravenous appetite. He has rolls of flab on his stomach now. He swims every day and is very strong but can't run well (he is slightly pigeon footed and runs strangely).

Has anyone else had this and then they have lost it all during a growth spurt? I haven't had a talk with him about loosing weight but if nothing happens I think I am going to have to. And then I need to work out how to broach it sensitively,

He isn't massively tall yet but DH is 6'6 and I am 5'8 so he is unlikely to be short, my DB is 6'4 as well. DS seems to have my body frame which is short strong legs, and DH's top frame which is broad backed with a big rib cage. So it stands to reason to me that he will be using this stored energy for growth but if it is making him unhappy at the moment I am worried for him. I don't want to make an issue of it and it become a problem. Could really use some advice here!

OP posts:

Nomunkat · 16/04/2022 16:11

Can you give him packed lunches?
What snacks does he usually have?

Original poster

Rubixtwister · 16/04/2022 16:13

He goes to a prep school and they get a school lunch and snacks at break and lunch. He tells me he chooses the fruit option but I think there's things like rocky road and flapjacks. I don't think they are allowed a packed lunch

OP posts:

pastapestoparmesan · 16/04/2022 16:15

11 year olds aren’t ‘given’ snacks in Y6 or Y7. If he’s in Y6, make him packed lunches and you then have full control over what he eats in school. I appreciate this is harder if Y7.
At home, don’t have crap snacks available, just proper food - fruit, veg, decent bread, plain yogurt etc.

ffscovid · 16/04/2022 16:20

If he has 'rolls' then yes, it sounds like he's definitely bigger than is healthy for his age. Prepubescent children should have visible ribs (although most don't nowadays as more children are overweight or obese than those who are a healthy weight).

Can you seek advice from the school nurse?

rainbowandglitter · 16/04/2022 16:23

How much does he weigh and how tall is he? Can you get him into more exercise?
My ds was overweight but lost it about a year ago, he's 12 (year 7).

Spinakker · 16/04/2022 16:24

Maybe he could have only fruit for breakfast and a smaller dinner if hes eating alot at school.

LollyLol · 16/04/2022 16:29

More exercise (walk/cycle to school), less sugar, fat and processed food, no sugary drinks at all, no takeaways, snacking should be kept sensible eg low fat crisps, an apple, muesli or low sugar cereal.
Doesn't need to make him feel bad about himself if you message it carefully that making healthy choices is a big positive. eg Teach him that 50% of his plate should be low-carb vegetables, get him to help cook meals with you.

Chamomileteaplease · 16/04/2022 16:30

Fruit is sugary and doesn't fill you up. Much better to send him off after an eggy breakfast of some sort.

Anotherpassengerwantstogetoff · 16/04/2022 16:35

What are his portion sizes like at home?
I’m only asking as my cousin is constantly saying how worried she is about the size of her DS but then goes on about how he’s always hungry so she gives him adult size portions
She’s basically trained him into eating larger sizes then wonders why he’s so big! Both her and her DH are very large anyway and are already eating too large portions so her DS is now eating ginormous portions for a 9 year old.

Furryfeet · 16/04/2022 16:38

We had exactly this issue last year when DS was 11. I talked to my GP and provided DS height and weight (which I took discretely knowing that he's very self conscious). GP advised me to sit tight and do nothing as she knows DS & DH well and said their build is such that BMI is meaningless. Sure enough DS has taken a massive stretch and just looks like a big young man now. So in short, I'd suggest provide height and weight to a GP you trust and remember that he will need a lot of calories for the growth spurt. Yes, healthy eating and exercise are important but sadly I know that for a child of this age a calorie controlled diet carries risks of obsessing about food.

EdwinaSharma · 16/04/2022 16:41

I'd speak to someone at the school and make sure he's not getting extra snacks at school.

Then I'd forget what is happening at school as it's not just what he's consuming at school that's made him overweight.

OfstedOffred · 16/04/2022 16:43

People are so funny about thinking children need to "chunk up" before a growth spurt - to the extent they have rolls of fat?!

They don't! Thin children who aren't fed high calorie sugary diets and big portions don't do this. They just eat when their body is growing.

OP talk to school. They should not be offering up sugar laden rocky roads and flapjack between meals.

OfstedOffred · 16/04/2022 16:45

Prepubescent children should have visible ribs (although most don't nowadays as more children are overweight or obese than those who are a healthy weight).

This - I think people forget that so many children these days are overweight, if your child is average compared to peers, they are probably overweight. The children who actually healthy weight are the thinner children in the cohort.

MillyMollyMurphy · 16/04/2022 16:59

I’m a tutor/teacher and have taught teens for decades. I have definitely seen formerly slim kids get weirdly (unusually ) fat then shoot right up and go skinny again. I’m not so sure about girls but the really tall boys seem to do it.

SkoolShoes · 16/04/2022 16:59

Is there something else going on? TBH it is probably not medical - but it could be. My DS started getting chunky and then we realised he had not grown height wise for a year/18 months....turned out he has an underactive thyroid. He was forever in a hoody/buff around his neck as he was cold, dry hands, tired.

Medication (albeit for life)....all sorted.

MissyB1 · 16/04/2022 17:08

@pastapestoparmesan prep school kids are definitely given snacks and it’s often cake or biscuits. I work in a prep school.

OP, you should have access to an on-site school nurse. Reception desk will give you the email address or you could make an appointment for a chat.
But also just concentrate on healthy eating at home, and plenty of exercise. It’s good that he swims every day, and prep schools usually do a lot of sport. At weekends get out on long family walks. And just watch his portion sizes, our 13 year old ds has smaller portions than his dad.

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 16/04/2022 17:52

He already talks to you about how fat he is. So this isn’t the time to pussyfoot about. tell the school only fruit snacks, make sure at least half of any plate of food is vegetables, and ask him to join you on the couch to 5K. He will soon stop swimming every day if this continues

Spaghag · 16/04/2022 18:04

I could have written this post about DS2 at the same age.

He was chubby until around 13 (from memory) at which point he shop up in height & became a lanky beanpole. Now, at 21 & 6ft tall he has evened out to a very healthy size & shape.

Sure, sometimes it's over eating and/or unhealthy foods. Sometimes it's just puberty.

minionsrule · 16/04/2022 18:11

We had similar with DS end of primary, early secondary.
Not rolls of fat but you could definitely pinch an inch (or two) on his tummy.
Both DH and I are short so ds was never going to be tall but he has slimmed right down once he got his growth spurts, he will never be skinny as he has his dad's genes so quite chunky bum and thighs.
If he doesn't play much sport try to get him into something or at least get him moving as much as you can, that should help him tone up

Sloelydoesit · 16/04/2022 18:16

My son who is 10 and a half is also overweight and it's stressing me out at the moment. I have now dialled down snacks to fruit, low fat yoghurt and low fat protein. Desserts are smaller and I am making sure he has a healthy balanced lunch and dinner
I too am hoping for that testosterone kick but I cannot rely on it.
I have also got him out walking more, we don't eat many very processed foods as main meals so I can't improve there. But will also look at portion sizes.

I feel so guilty that I have caused this - however I also know he sneaks treats as I have found the wrappers. Only option for that is to get them out the house altogether

Murdoch1949 · 16/04/2022 21:31

You and your partner need to help your son become leaner by increasing his exercise. Maybe do it surreptitiously, by an evening walk, hikes at the weekend, badminton in the garden etc, an hour a day of fun that also burns calories. Go through your cupboards and get all high calorie snacks out, so they’re unavailable to him. Speak to school to find out what is available at break times, state schools would not provide any snacks at all. You don’t want your son to be different to the other children, so school snacks is a difficult area, reduce them at home though. You don’t want your son to feel that he is fat and needs to slim, just adopt a different lifestyle and food regime and he will gradually lose weight.

newusernamelouise · 16/04/2022 22:14

At this age you can do a lot without them even realizing or having to have a conversation with them. I have done it with my kids over the years when I noticed bad habits slipping in and weight gain. Before it would get out of control I would have a few months of really paying attention to the dinners I made, more protein, less carbs, more fish and veg, more fruit for snacks. I made lots of small changes and just said upbeat things like "it's a new recipe I'm trying", or "this lovely fruit was on sale today" and they didn't even notice and they would slim down.

Parsley1234 · 16/04/2022 22:22

Yes I had exactly this I was really honest with him and listened to his sadness about his weight he joined a swim squad and got much fitter but still chubby when he went to boarding school he did get fatter I think the first year he was unhappy now he’s 18 he is really thin he had a massive growth spurt and he’s fine but when he was 11 it was awful for him. He only wanted to eat junk too

Kanaloa · 16/04/2022 22:46

I mean what is he eating at home? I notice when DH plates up dinner for ds11 & dd10 he gives them the same size portion as he (a full grown man who works a physical job) eats himself. I think it’s just out of worry, thinking he doesn’t want to be leaving them hungry, but I generally plate them up a smaller portion.

Can you ask exactly what the school menu is? I would just be wary of blaming it entirely on school because surely all his school friends and classmates are having the exact same snacks and food, and they’re not all overweight are they?

Hellocatshome · 16/04/2022 22:50

When you say he swims everyday do you mean he trains with a swimming club everyday or he plays about in the pool for 30 mins? If he is training with a swim club then he must be eating vast amounts (or at least vast amounts of the wrong types of food) to be gaining weight.

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