To expect OH to tell me he loves me? After having DS

[dontblamemyhormones]

This sounds really stupid and I'm probably a bit hormonal but I feel so sad about it. Me and OH aren't a very affectionate couple and we rarely tell each other that we love one another. He is a great dad he has done everything with the kids and kept on top of the house since I had baby last week and has allowed me to rest and just focus on me and baby.

But I just can't get over how he hasn't told me he loves me or thanked me for everything I went through to bring our baby here. I had a "c-section and was put to sleep" so I feel a bit crap about not seeing baby born. He hasn't even given me a hug or anything.

He has told me how well I'm doing and has praised me. I just feel like I need a bit more than that.

aibu? I just expected a bit more emotion from him.

Have you told him this?

No not yet I probably should though.

Me and OH aren't a very affectionate couple and we rarely tell each other that we love one another.

Then

He has told me how well I'm doing and has praised me. I just feel like I need a bit more than that.

YABU.

He isn’t a mindreader. If you need something else, tell him. Your current speciations aren’t seemingly the norm for your relationship.

If you are not an affectionate couple and rarely tell each other that you love each other, why would you suddenly expect him to change the moment you have a baby? He’s praised you and has been saying you’re doing well - how would he know that you want something different from that?

If you want him to start being more verbally affectionate then you need to tell him that, and you also need to reciprocate.

He's not a mind reader, and you also can expect him to become someone he isn't.

Yeah you are a bit. You say you rarely tell each other you love each other and suddenly you want different. He's not a mind reader and sounds as if he's doing it his own way.

Why dont you tell him you love him?

But I just can't get over how he hasn't…thanked me for everything I went through to bring our baby here.

Did you not want a baby?

You’re making it sound like this is something you did entirely for your husband and that he should be grateful for.

@Whadda

But I just can't get over how he hasn't…thanked me for everything I went through to bring our baby here.

Did you not want a baby?

You’re making it sound like this is something you did entirely for your husband and that he should be grateful for.

This is what I was going to post as it's what stands out for me. You didn't go through that for him, you went through it for your baby.

Wow MN is fractious this afternoon! I get it @dontblamemyhormones. It’s not unreasonable at all but you do need to talk to him about it although it would be nice if you didn’t have to.

I've been married to DH for 17 years and he has never said "I love you". He shows me and I have accepted that is just the way he is (he is autistic and expressing feelings verbally is overwhelming for him).

My ex said I love you all the time..........and he was a controlling bastard who went off with the ow!!!

Actions speak louder than words in my experience!!!

It's the hormones. They'll settle.

I would take actions over words any day of the week. YABVU.

@CircusBaby I said I went through so much to bring OUR baby here and I'm also having a shitty time now postpartum! Where did you manage to make that up from?

I know he loves me, I don't know I guess that's just how I expected him to react. Maybe because it's our third the raw emotion has warn off.

It probably is my hormones and mumsnet is probably the last place to come when im feeling crap because I will end up feeling 10X worse.

It is probably the hormones but just tell him you really need a hug and some extra affection right now. I had my 2nd baby 4 weeks ago and the first two weeks I was an emotional wreck! Your husband won't know you need more right now than other times and it sounds like he's taken a lot on managing the household and other children (rightly so) while you recover. He is probably in his own bubble of having his world shift as well. When people are running on adrenaline/survival mode they aren't going to be paying as much attention to emotional needs as normal.

How’s your husband feeling though?

If you were put to sleep for the section, he wouldn’t have been allowed to be there either, and if it was an emergency he must have been terrified.

I’ve been working in the emergency obstetric theatres this year, and although it’s rare mum has to be put to sleep, on the 3 occasions I’ve seen it, dad has been sat outside in the theatre utterly traumatised, thinking the worst.

Perhaps he’s struggling with his own emotions a bit and is trying to stay strong.

(If I’m totally off the mark, I’m sorry)