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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teenage sleepovers too many?

12 replies

coffeeandteac · 16/04/2022 10:51

My dd age 14 seems to want constant sleepovers. Always out with her friends.
She hasn't slept alone in a week. About 4 sleeps here and 3 elsewhere. One girl hasn't slept at home in 10 days.

Should I let it go as its the holidays. I just dread the question can I? I think its a bit much.

My friend says AIBU as its the holidays and thats what teens do and she practically lived at mine when we were young. She didn't sleepover but stayed till 9pm but only lived 2 streets away.
Due to my daughters school her mates live all over the town and in little villages. There's about 6 in her group.

I just find it sad too I think that she no longer wants to be with her family. Hardly see her alone.

Ugh! Teenagers.

OP posts:
RagzRebooted · 16/04/2022 10:57

I'd probably set a limit of 1 a week in my own home (for my sanity) but not be too bothered otherwise. I'd rather they were out than staring at a screen all day! It won't be happening during school times so really it's not that bad.
No, they don't want to spend much time with family at that age, friends are life.

BeyondMyWits · 16/04/2022 11:04

Friends are everything at that age. My 2 were in, out, school holidays were "freedom".

We just told them when we had stuff happening that we expected them to be here for, and said no to lifts if inconvenient. Wasn't unusual to have an extra ( or 2 or 3) for dinner, and sometimes staying over.

Just made sure that everyone asked their parents and let them know where they were. (And that they could get home if it wasn't convenient to drop them... we'd go to work for 9, they'd be dropped home if they were up, or make their own arrangements)

bare · 16/04/2022 11:08

We do one sleepover, then one night at home (to get some decent sleepSmile)

coffeeandteac · 16/04/2022 11:09

This lot don't seem to eat any meals. Living on a perpetual diet of Co op or Spar treats or whatever is raided from the cupboard.
Don't know how they all afford it.

OP posts:
RedskyThisNight · 16/04/2022 11:14

If her friends live all over the place, I think more sleepovers is inevitable. Otherwise you would be spending all your time driving her back and forward.

My DC don't have so many sleepovers but they have been in and out of friends' houses all holidays - difference is that their friends all live fairly close by.

Merryoldgoat · 16/04/2022 11:37

I met my best friend at 13. From 13-16 I’m not sure we spent more than 2 nights a week apart.

We just revolved into each other’s houses. It didn’t seem to be a problem for our parents.

Sunnytwobridges · 16/04/2022 14:58

This wouldn’t bother me at all. They are all entertaining each other so it would let me off the hook lol

coffeeandteac · 16/04/2022 16:02

@Sunnytwobridges

This wouldn’t bother me at all. They are all entertaining each other so it would let me off the hook lol
Good point. My Mum said to me today well what else would she be doing sat in her room on her own.

Does make me feel sad that she doesn't want to be with us anymore.

OP posts:
Jellybean27 · 16/04/2022 18:57

I could’ve written this post myself. Had the same conversation with DH multiple times lately.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 16/04/2022 20:51

Does make me feel sad that she doesn't want to be with us anymore.

It's part of the letting-go. Yeah, it's dismaying.

We solved it by making ourselves the Sleepover House. (This is not, incidentally, because we're nice people. It's at least in part because one of our daughters has a chronic illness that makes it difficult for her to stay over at other houses. So we either have sleepovers here, or she doesn't get to do it at all.)

It costs us a few bob in chicken nuggets and crinkle-cut chips, but we like to know where our daughters are, and (fortunately) all their mates are polite, considerate and grateful.

I mean, I don't think this is necessarily a solution for everyone. Not all parents want a gaggle of teenagers in the place, even if they're all up in the attic bedroom out of the way. And you do have to listen to the thumping basslines of a lot of dubstep.

But, for me, this strategy was justified last month, when there was a knock on the door at lunchtime. It was a kid who'd had an accident at school - he'd cut his hand really badly. The school got him to A&E, where he'd been stitched up and given strong painkillers, and then he was taken back to school. But the painkillers meant he was pretty much out of it, and he was told to go home.

He realised, having left school, that he really needed the loo, and he felt faint. So, as he was close to us, he knocked on our door.

"I'm really, really sorry - but could I use your toilet?"

And I thought, "This is good. We're regarded as the safe place that people can go. And all it has cost us is Iceland goujons and an inexhaustible supply of Pepsi Max."

This looks like a stealth boast, doesn't it? It's not intended to be. It's more that teenagers need to socialise, need to feel connected to a group, need to learn to be grown-ups in a place that allows them to be kids. So parents have to provide them with circumstances that allow them to do that - to the extent that it's practical.

We're lucky, because we can. Some parents can't. If you can, OP, then get yourself on the sleepover circuit. And if you can't, I think it's worth checking out who they're staying with and whether you think it's okay.

Which, I know, is easier said than done.

coffeeandteac · 16/04/2022 22:06

@Jellybean27

I could’ve written this post myself. Had the same conversation with DH multiple times lately.
I feel soliice that I am not the only one.
OP posts:
coffeeandteac · 16/04/2022 22:11

@WalkingOnTheCracks

You sound lovely that is nice that the boy felt he could come to you. I feel I am one of the sleepover houses but no attic. So they are right next door to me. The mess is insane too. Crumbs, rubbish, blankets and if I see another spider ( eyelashes) I may faint.

I don't think it would be too bad but I teach at my dds school. So they all know me. It's like a busman's holiday.

I guess I just feel a little sad that my dd does want to see me as much. I wouldn't mind if it was every few days. Just not every night. Sure dd doesn't brush her teeth either. Though says she will.

Think I may need to just ride the wave.

OP posts:
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