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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Has pandemic insanity in your neighbours died down?

23 replies

ServantofthePeople · 16/04/2022 08:38

Like a sizeable minority of people we had upsides in the early stages of the pandemic but then there were stresses and strains (and worse) that built up.
I think our neighbours, who have a licence to cross our yard for rear access to their property, went through the same.
The wife and children were fine but the husband became intrusive and overbearing. Basically there were endless “appearances” and “interventions on our property. It started off with looking for pets in our garage or asking for the kids to use our swing. It moved on to a ludicrous idea of “everyone getting together to eliminate the rat problem” even though they were the ones who had just bought chickens and these are old country properties. Oh, and the chickens roamed free, including in our yard, so he would appear outside the kitchen window regularly chasing them.
I had builders doing work in the garden last summer. At 8am they would arrive, at 8.20am neighbour would arrive with coffee on a tray. Then come back and collect it, using this excuse to ask questions about what they were doing and generally nose about.
He invited friends to access their house via our yard and park in it without permission.
My builder accidentally removed an item belonging to a different neighbour at one point. In response to other neighbour’s complaints builder returned it with a bottle of wine which he left in other neighbour’s garden. Nosy neighbour entered said garden and removed bottle of wine (presumably he wanted to have the special job of handing it over to the intended recipient -this happened months later as recipient does not live here). Intended recipient was therefore angrier for longer than was necessary as he did not know for months an apology had been offered.
Finally we informed nosy neighbour we were replacing the fence on my land (not affecting his access). We gave him notice fencers would be coming to quote. When they arrived he intervened to begin discussions about height and length of fence with them trying to negotiate direct over my head.
He also encouraged his children to ride the bikes around our yard. Tbh this was annoying but because of lockdown I felt pressured to do my bit.

My husband, who is very mild-mannered, eventually told neighbour “there is no Backstreet X committee”. After that he backed off a bit.

Unfortunately his gardening work has greatly reduced the plant cover between the gardens so whilst it’s been a few months now since anything weird happed I still don’t feel relaxed. I feel monitored.

Any thoughts? It really affects our quality of life. Should I put it down to the pandemic and let it die down? He is a sahd and looking for a role I think.
Any experiences listened to with gratitude.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 16/04/2022 08:42

Is there a local neighbor hood watch that you could volunteer him for?

Saucery · 16/04/2022 08:42

Is there any way at all you can delineate the boundary of your yard area? Even poles and moveable chain link would send a message. It wouldn’t stop access, but would give you a basis for “please do not enter our yard” on repeat until he listens.

Saucery · 16/04/2022 08:45

We also had a Rat Mitherer, but she’s gone quiet now. Frequent notes through the door saying it was the responsibility of ALL OF US to solve the rat problem that was probably caused by her flattening her lovely garden and putting decking on most of it Hmm. We just ignored her until she stopped.

ServantofthePeople · 16/04/2022 08:46

“Is there a local neighbor hood watch that you could volunteer him for?”

I wish! He needs purpose and meaning. Burnt out ex nhs nurse..... he’s not a bad person as such but it’s oppressive.

Oh and he’s also selling his eggs to the back street. As it happens, everyone who comes across to get them is a friend of ours but still.....

OP posts:
jackstini · 16/04/2022 08:46

That would drive me mad, and luckily we get on very well with our neighbours

Sounds like he needs reminding he only has access to get to his property, not use of your garden! He is way overstepping here

My auntie has a set up like this and the path through her property is very clearly delineated from the rest of her property
No sure what yours looks like but pic/diagram and we can suggest some ideas?

ServantofthePeople · 16/04/2022 08:47

Yes, delineating the boundary without blocking access is important I think.

OP posts:
PAFMO · 16/04/2022 08:49

He sounds dreadful. .
Not sure what any of what he's done is to do with the pandemic though.
He's just an overbearing neighbour.

ServantofthePeople · 16/04/2022 08:50

Pafmo,
Yes, he’s a young man frustrated with being a sahd and has misdirected those frustrations.

OP posts:
Saucery · 16/04/2022 08:50

@ServantofthePeople

Yes, delineating the boundary without blocking access is important I think.
It was really nice of you to let his dc use the swing and ride their bikes round your property but there’s no need for that now, so they should stay off it.
ukborn · 16/04/2022 08:51

This has nothing to do with the pandemic. He's a busybody. Up to you to set some boundaries.

TerraNovaTwo · 16/04/2022 08:56

I could write an essay about my ndn. Not quite the same situation as yours, but there's been stalking and harassment which thankfully has now died down.

Yaty · 16/04/2022 08:57

Agree with @ukborn, you need to get some boundaries on your property and telling him that he's overstepping. He sounds a nightmare and if he has some issues with his sahd role well that's not your issue is it. You shouldn't feel on edge in your own home.

Stath · 16/04/2022 08:58

Diagram please!

ServantofthePeople · 16/04/2022 09:05

The pandemic blocked off his usual activities (sports etc). Doing up the garden became his life beyond the kids. I’m hoping things will be better now he has outlets outside the home.

OP posts:
Mookie81 · 16/04/2022 09:06

@Weenurse

Is there a local neighbor hood watch that you could volunteer him for?
Maybe his own bloody wife could do that? Or he could sort himself out? Hmm
ServantofthePeople · 16/04/2022 09:08

Thanks.

I know this bit is true but it’s hard to do it calmly.

“It was really nice of you to let his dc use the swing and ride their bikes round your property but there’s no need for that now, so they should stay off it.”

I guess also you expect a toddler to understand boundaries but they are older now and capable of understanding.

OP posts:
ServantofthePeople · 16/04/2022 09:09

You don’t expect....

OP posts:
ServantofthePeople · 16/04/2022 09:10

Working on diagram.

Love the word “busybody” it cuts him down to size.

OP posts:
ServantofthePeople · 16/04/2022 09:13

How do you draw diagram on iPad?

OP posts:
MinnieGirl · 16/04/2022 11:52

@ServantofthePeople

How do you draw diagram on iPad?
Draw it on paper and take a picture?
ServantofthePeople · 16/04/2022 21:09

Duh of course-sorry!

OP posts:
C25kBecky · 16/04/2022 21:21

I wouldn't have ket thier kids use my garden. Get fences up ASAP. Grow bamboo, in pots, next to them.

C25kBecky · 16/04/2022 21:21

*let their

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