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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I hormonal or unreasonable?

19 replies

AbDaRob · 15/04/2022 15:28

I gave birth 2 weeks ago today. I had a c section and our child was 7 weeks early.
He had to spend 1 week in special care, and has been home 1 week.
My partner has decided on Saturday (8 days after our son came home) that he wants to play cricket. By playing cricket he will be out the house from about 11am til 7/8pm.

We had discussed before our child arrived that he would only going back to playing sports when we were both ready for that.

I am so upset that he wants to play this Saturday, as we’ve only been home a week. I told him I was upset, so he said he wouldn’t play… but I feel like the damage is already done. Him wanting to play has made me really upset.
I’ve had a c section so can’t go anywhere?
He has 3 more days of paternity leave left, why doesn’t he want to spend this time with us?
Our son has only been home a week???

My MIL asked him if he was going to play this week and he responded no. To which she said he must keep up with his hobbies and that’s why our child has a mother, to look after him when his dad wants to play sports.

He keeps asking me what he can do to make it better, but I am honestly so upset he even wanted too I can’t move past it.

I was in such a happy bubble before this, but now I just feel so hurt and upset.

Is this just my hormones?

OP posts:

KrisAkabusi · 15/04/2022 15:32

I don't think it's unreasonable for him to want to continue his hobby. Likewise it's not unreasonable for you to say that it's not an appropriate time yet, and that things are still too difficult. I don't think it's worth getting upset over him wanting to though. He's probably overwhelmed by everything as well.

Thestagshead · 15/04/2022 15:34

Maybe still struggling post birth op. I also think it’s fine for him to want to do this, I think if you’re not ok with it just say so, but it I don’t think it warrants a lot of upset like this.

girlmom21 · 15/04/2022 15:34

We had discussed before our child arrived that he would only going back to playing sports when we were both ready for that.

This is the issue. You both agreed and he hasn't stuck to it.

I don't think you're unreasonable to be a bit miffed but he hasn't gone so it's not the end of the world.

Tell his mother to mind her own.

Vsirbdo · 15/04/2022 15:37

I understand why you didn’t want him to; I had similar experiences to you and it would have upset me after only a week. However I do think holding on to that upset even now he’s said he won’t go is maybe hormones and sleep deprivation: try to just let it go and remember that he isn’t playing

MintJulia · 15/04/2022 15:38

Why shouldn't he go and play sport? It's a beautiful day. Has he been stuck in the house for a week?

Do you need him to help you get to the loo or to lift baby? Can you arrange for someone else to sit with you for the afternoon?

Ask him to take over the next day while you have some time to yourself. Indulge in a little pampering. Have a coffee or lunch out with a friend. Or your mum.

SailorVeee · 15/04/2022 15:43

I don't think you're being unreasonable, I've had an premie too, with the nicu stay its scarier coming home with them than a full term, I wouldn't of been ready to not have support for a whole day, he should continue his sports when you're both ready. Congratulations on your baby.

Ionlydomassiveones · 15/04/2022 15:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

luxxlisbon · 15/04/2022 15:43

To which she said he must keep up with his hobbies and that’s why our child has a mother, to look after him when his dad wants to play sports.

I’m just trying to picture someone actually saying that. Crazy.

Anyway you obviously aren’t being unreasonable and I feel think you also know that this is only going to get worse.

A man who thinks paternity leave is a holiday to swan off for me time and hobbies is a guaranteed absent father, and no surprise given his parent’s attitude.

Hopefully he will change, but it’s going to need some serious work.

Mooshering · 15/04/2022 15:44

I wouldn't be upset with him suggesting it, I think it's very dramatic to say the damage has been done.

Just say you'd rather he didn't.

Do you need him to still be with you at all times at the moment? Can you walk/cook etc?

luxxlisbon · 15/04/2022 15:46

@MintJulia

Why shouldn't he go and play sport? It's a beautiful day. Has he been stuck in the house for a week?

Do you need him to help you get to the loo or to lift baby? Can you arrange for someone else to sit with you for the afternoon?

Ask him to take over the next day while you have some time to yourself. Indulge in a little pampering. Have a coffee or lunch out with a friend. Or your mum.

Why shouldn’t he? Maybe because he has a newborn to look after, which is why he is off work. How many women do you know who can go on a day out for pampering and lunch with a friend with a 2 week old baby who is only 1 week out of hospital, and on top of that she’s had major surgery only 2 weeks ago?

Some people are in a different world.

EmpressCixi · 15/04/2022 15:46

It’s not unreasonable for him to want to play cricket this Saturday as presumably he hasn’t played for a few weeks due to the birth and hospital stay. It’s also not unreasonable for him to have checked with you, and you to have said no. Unlike a pp, I think he is sticking with your agreement to not play until you are both ready as he is not going to play. You are being unreasonable to be so upset that he was ready to play cricket again before you are. That was the most likely outcome as you are two different people and not clones.

Namechange466 · 15/04/2022 15:51

Totally over the top!

OP - he asked and it’s fine that you were miffed, but he realised his error and said he wouldn’t go until you were ready. So I would move past it and continue enjoying the bubble you are in whilst it lasts

Based on experience, there will be times that he might not understand how you feel during this period - generally because he isn’t going through it rather than being cruel or thoughtless. so just communicate and trust that he cares about you both

Namechange466 · 15/04/2022 15:52

Totally over the top was in response to @luxxlisbon’s reply by the way - not you OP

Imonlyhereforalaugh · 15/04/2022 15:54

@Ionlydomassiveones

“Why shouldn't he go and play sport? It's a beautiful day. Has he been stuck in the house for a week?”

Most decent men would want to coo and play with their beautiful newborn and make sure their recovering wife was supported. But hey can’t stop the men from their sport eh? They deserve a break the poor things….

Quite. OP meanwhile is two weeks post operation and probably quite a traumatic experience. But good forbid the poor man doesn't get to go on his piss up play cricket.

pinkyredrose · 15/04/2022 15:54

Could he play cricket just for a few hours and you go along too for some fresh air?

ouch321 · 15/04/2022 15:57

YABU - the baby would still be there when he got back.

Thestagshead · 15/04/2022 15:58

@Ionlydomassiveones

“Why shouldn't he go and play sport? It's a beautiful day. Has he been stuck in the house for a week?”

Blimey 😂😂😂😂

bigyellowTpot · 15/04/2022 16:14

Do you feel overwhelmed at the moment and feel like you need him to be there to give you some support. Having a dc is a huge shock to the system and probably worse having a prem baby I honestly don't think men understand. I suffered terribly from post natal anxiety after the birth of my youngest and needed a lot of support. I do think he should stay home with you today and enjoy this last bit of paternity leave and after all he did say he would wait until you felt ready. is this your first dc? Suppose he can play his sport any weekend.

stimpyyouidiot · 15/04/2022 16:14

Yanbu op. I would feel the same as you.

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