That bullying,shaming and guilting women/girls into reporting rape and sexual abuse needs to stop?

[ldontWanna]

Every single time rape or sexual assault is mentioned on here there is a multitude of posters insisting the victim MUST report. MUST stop him. MUSt make him pay. That she is responsible for protecting other women/girls.

Even when she says she can't/doesn't want to. Even when she says she can't cope due to other Mh issues.

The victim is badgered again and again with rise tinted views of police action,charges,prosecution and conviction.

Tell that to poor Semina. Where was her report?where was her investigation? Where were her charges? Where was her prosecution?

This is why women and girls don't report or do it years later. This is why we shouldn't force them to report. And the blame for the lack of trust so prevalent in victims of rape and sexual assault ,lies solely at the police's feet. It's not the fault or a failing of the victim.

news.sky.com/story/amp/semina-halliwell-rape-victim-12-took-her-own-life-directly-after-police-interview-her-mother-tells-sky-news-12582931

This was a shocking case. From the conduct of the police to the trolling of this poor girls family after her death. I believe her grave was also vandalised.
I'm speechless

This is literally one of the worst things I've ever read, I'm actually out of words to describe how awful.

When you look at the statistics, there seems little point in reporting it and this tragedy illustrates that.

I struggle to find the words to fully express all the feelings that Semina's tragedy (it's not even a case) caused.

But I believe it need to be shared,it needs to be seen, it needs to be talked about.

Just like the pressure victims are under to report needs to be talked about. In the focus of the "greater good" the victim's voice abd feelings are iften forgotten about. Just as bad as pressure not to report and to keep quiet.

We must remember that the victim and her wellbeing must always be first priority.

This is an horrendous case. That poor child and her poor family.
I hope something can be done for them. They deserve justice.
But as far as the notion that people should not report crimes of a sexual nature- it is far more complex than just saying it should be up to the victim to chose. In a sense of course it should. But this case does not illustrate a woman being forced into reporting by people outside her family. It shows police failures on a colossal scale and is not representative of most people’s experience with the police - otherwise (cynical here) it wouldn’t be reported.
It’s hard to imagine a worse scenario than this.
But it’s true that reporting to the police is important. It’s not necessary but it is important.

@Blue4YOU

This is an horrendous case. That poor child and her poor family. I hope something can be done for them. They deserve justice. But as far as the notion that people should not report crimes of a sexual nature- it is far more complex than just saying it should be up to the victim to chose. In a sense of course it should. But this case does not illustrate a woman being forced into reporting by people outside her family. It shows police failures on a colossal scale and is not representative of most people’s experience with the police - otherwise (cynical here) it wouldn’t be reported. It’s hard to imagine a worse scenario than this. But it’s true that reporting to the police is important. It’s not necessary but it is important.

Victims should be encouraged and supported if they want to report. Victims should be made fully aware of all the options they have, the various avenues they can go on. For example they might not want to report but they can get medical care,keep their clothes, have pics taken of the injuries etc and then decide later. Or not report. Or report. Or ring rape crisis. Or sit on it for a bit until they get their head around it. And other options.

They should never ever be bullied and forced into calling the police and going through all that. The majority of responses on threads involving this are always badgering OP to report,some posters even getting irate and angry when she refuses. Emotional blackmail and guilting tactics about the other women the other victims ,you have a responsibility, can you live with yourself if he does it again?

I fully stand by that conviction, even if my experience is of the other side. As a kid I told and told again and wanted it shouted out of the rooftops and for everyone to know but no one cared or listened or wanted to know.

Shutting me up and sweeping it all under the carpet was wrong and damaging. Ignoring a victim when she says she can't or doesn't want to, is just as wrong and damaging.

@Blue4YOU: It shows police failures on a colossal scale and is not representative of most people’s experience with the police

That's a big statement to make. What's the evidence that people are having a good service when going to the police (and considering that the conviction rate is so low)?

@LightSpeeds
From stories people tell - on here - and elsewhere.
I’m someone who has been raped. Didn’t report it. Don’t regret not reporting it.
Sexual assault as a child by my grandfather- at age11. No-one did anything about it (happened in front of my parents and siblings and an aunt). That shaped my experience of life.
Sexual assault by a consultant paediatrician three years ago. I did report it. Hospital were horrible. GMC you k but useless. Police were fantastic.
I’m not just throwing ideas out there.
@ldontWanna
I hope nothing I said indicates that anyone should be bullied into reporting.
Where have any of you seen people being bullied into reporting?

And conviction rates are appalling but not identical with a poor reporting experience

[quote Blue4YOU]@LightSpeeds
From stories people tell - on here - and elsewhere.
I’m someone who has been raped. Didn’t report it. Don’t regret not reporting it.
Sexual assault as a child by my grandfather- at age11. No-one did anything about it (happened in front of my parents and siblings and an aunt). That shaped my experience of life.
Sexual assault by a consultant paediatrician three years ago. I did report it. Hospital were horrible. GMC you k but useless. Police were fantastic.
I’m not just throwing ideas out there.
@ldontWanna
I hope nothing I said indicates that anyone should be bullied into reporting.
Where have any of you seen people being bullied into reporting?[/quote]
Sadly it happens a lot on here . I gave some examples of the words used and context of the threads. I remember one particularly bad one where OP kept saying she's in a really bad place mentally and was struggling even before the rape and she just didn't have it in her to go through the whole process. It was completely ignored by the "you must report" (and a lot actually use must ,not even should ) brigade.

Then I read this article and it made me so so so angry. This poor child and her family. She spoke ,she reported,she was supported and it didn't matter one jot. She just kept being traumatised and abused over and over again,by the police,by the community. They defiled her grave ffs!!

We recently had to make the decision about whether to report a rape in my close family. We decided not to -- we may have got justice although I feared not. I just couldn't bear the thought of the re-traumatising by the court system (which is still biased completely in favour of the perpetrator) at the expense of my relative's health and welfare.

The whole thing makes me mad and sick and I'm not sure that victims will ever get justice.

The whole police and justice system seems to be an underfunded, poorly run shambles anyway (just like the NHS) and although I'm sure a few cases get a good outcome, most seem not to.

The system is a disgusting disgrace, I agree.
I genuinely believe there should be sexual assault- of every type- experts who have a) closed courts b) just a judge (because I think so many people have skewed views and are incredibly ill informed about sexual assault (tragically) c) specific ways to report (SARCs are a good start) but not just having to walk into a police station d) automatic specialist support for victims (I don’t mean get on the NHS waiting list but counsellors ready to work with the victim from day one) e) a rigid and robust zero tolerance from the police everywhere so it’s not a mixed bag of responses from different forces d) education targeted at all children from age 11 upwards.

Sadly it happens a lot on here . I gave some examples of the words used and context of the threads. I remember one particularly bad one where OP kept saying she's in a really bad place mentally and was struggling even before the rape and she just didn't have it in her to go through the whole process. It was completely ignored by the "you must report" (and a lot actually use must ,not even should ) brigade.

I've seen it a lot on here too. I wonder if it's the same thread you mention but I remember a group of posters tell the OP that she would be to blame if her rapist then went on to attack other women in future because she could have stopped him by reporting it but didn't

As a cop, all I would say is, if someone has been raped and they don it feel ready or want to go to the police, consider going to the sexual assault referral centre. They can take forensic evidence photo any injuries and take a first account of what happened without the police being informed. This way it preserves evidence should the victim want to support much later. Rape is such a diff crime because if the mental impact and sadly very much a taboo still. Noone has the right to make an already vulnerable victim feel worse by not reporting.

@superplumb

As a cop, all I would say is, if someone has been raped and they don it feel ready or want to go to the police, consider going to the sexual assault referral centre. They can take forensic evidence photo any injuries and take a first account of what happened without the police being informed. This way it preserves evidence should the victim want to support much later. Rape is such a diff crime because if the mental impact and sadly very much a taboo still. Noone has the right to make an already vulnerable victim feel worse by not reporting.

This is very sensible advice. A recent Panarama documentary on rape convictions was very depressing. 1% of reported rapes resulted in a conviction but a large part of that was the refusal of the CPS to accept many, many cases despite strong support from the Police. It’s worth watching.

RIP Semina and may her family get some justice. The lowness of some people is really quite breathtaking.

@superplumb

As a cop, all I would say is, if someone has been raped and they don it feel ready or want to go to the police, consider going to the sexual assault referral centre. They can take forensic evidence photo any injuries and take a first account of what happened without the police being informed. This way it preserves evidence should the victim want to support much later. Rape is such a diff crime because if the mental impact and sadly very much a taboo still. Noone has the right to make an already vulnerable victim feel worse by not reporting.

That would be my preferred advice , and definitely something victims should always be aware of. It doesn't get advised or talked about enough . I don't think women and girls are aware of the service and how to access it.

Having options,having some control would be a very small step on the road to recovery.

Perhaps an awareness campaign would be a good idea.

Completely agree. It has been reported over the years/decades that some women find the grilling about their rape, (and the trial that ensues,) almost as upsetting and traumatising as the rape itself.

Plus, there is NO guarantee the rapist will be convicted.

Also, I actually heard a few weeks ago, that only1% of reported rapes lead to a conviction.

Terrible really, that the best thing for a woman to do (if she's been raped or sexually assaulted,) is to stay silent. Because it means the fucking rapists keep getting away with it.