Biting child at nursery

Zippy1510 · 2022-04-14T15:45:05+00:00

My DD 10 months has just started at nursery part time. In the past week she has come home with red bite marks on her arm and hands 3 times. The nursery have confirmed this is from the same child and that she is not the only one being bit. AIBU that this frequency of incident is not acceptable. I have a 4 year old and I had a report that he bit a child once before when he was around 12 months so I understand that this happens in younger children- but surely you can’t just have a child sinking their teeth into everyone on a daily basis and not have some sort of plan of intervention?

Violetmo0n · 14/04/2022 16:46

Following as currently trying to deal with the same.
We have booked a meeting with the nursery next week.

Hugasauras · 14/04/2022 16:47

Bites do happen but this many in a short space of time in such a young child suggests that there isn't proper supervision or something else is going on. I wouldn't be happy at all with three bites in a week from the same child - if he's such a bite risk then he can't be left with other children.

TheSnowyOwl · 14/04/2022 16:48

I’d raise it with them and ask what they are going to do to keep your child safe.

Original poster

Zippy1510 · 14/04/2022 17:24

I have spoken to them and they have said they are aware and monitoring the situation- each time it happens. I feel like monitoring isn’t working and they need something more proactive- such as ensuring the child is constantly watched by a member of staff so they don’t attack any other children.

OP posts:

Violetmo0n · 14/04/2022 18:41

@Zippy1510

I have spoken to them and they have said they are aware and monitoring the situation- each time it happens. I feel like monitoring isn’t working and they need something more proactive- such as ensuring the child is constantly watched by a member of staff so they don’t attack any other children.

Same as what ours have said. But ours is 4 bites in 3 months. One being on his face 😭3 in a week I would be heartbroken. Ask for a meeting I'm hoping to get more out of it, not sure what exactly but I need to be abit more firm with them. First and second time I could forgive, third time didn't sit well and the 4th on his face just topped it off.

Rosebel · 14/04/2022 19:15

@Zippy1510

I have spoken to them and they have said they are aware and monitoring the situation- each time it happens. I feel like monitoring isn’t working and they need something more proactive- such as ensuring the child is constantly watched by a member of staff so they don’t attack any other children.

Will you be happy to pay for the member of staff who you want to be constantly watching this child?

Apple40 · 14/04/2022 19:48

When I was working a childminder we had a child within the wider group who would bite the other children, no matter how closely we all monitored them it still happened. They would bite when angry, been told off, tired, did not get own way, had to share etc. The biters parents did not give a monkeys just kept saying it’s what kids do. in the end the other parents all advised the childminder either that child goes or we all do . So she gave instant notice to the biter as she could not loose all her clients and because patents failed to work with her to help stop it.

MinesATriple · 14/04/2022 19:53

The intervention needs to be by the caregiver at the time. There's not a lot the parents can do several hours later with a baby or toddler.

OP yes absolutely I would expect nursery to have a plan in action.

yellowwellingtons · 14/04/2022 19:54

From a nursery nurse perspective they should be doing more and id at least be expecting a member of staff to be shadowing this child, this should have been put in place after the first couple of bites. Yes nurseries are busy but the staff should be being deployed around the room so that they are able to intervene when they need to.

NuffSaidSam · 14/04/2022 19:57

It's difficult because the ratio of adults to children in the baby room is probably 1:3.

Given that ratio do you think you could man mark one baby whilst still properly caring for and interacting with the others?

Let's say there are 3 staff and 9 babies. One needs a nappy change. Now you've got 2 staff and 8 babies. One man marks the biter. So 1 staff member has the remaining 7 babies....not ideal is it?

The nursery should be doing their absolute best but do think through the reality of it.

Buttons294749 · 14/04/2022 20:02

The nursery staff need to identify the other child's triggers, once they know they can monitor more easily as they can stop the build up (and it can be something like the child not being able to communicate they need some space or whatever). Sadly nursery staff are poorly paid and often dont come with the necessary skills to manage these situations. But yes they should be doing more to understand what sets the DC off.

ljdxxx · 14/04/2022 20:22

I'm a nursery nurse and there's always a plan for biting at nursery, there's policies about it, which you can request to read to see what steps would be In place for the child in question.

We used to have shadow the children that was biting and try and move them away and distract them by doing a different activity with them when we thought it was going to happen. However sometimes it can happen so quick that you do miss it (and honestly you feel awful when you realise). We used to always tell the parents about the biting but there wasn't much more we can do until the child knows it's wrong.

QueenBodicea · 14/04/2022 20:37

I was that parent. My child was 9 months old when he first started biting at nursery. I used to feel awful. Dreaded what the nursery staff would tell me every night when I collected him. However closely they supervised him sometimes they just couldn't intervene in time. I managed to get a referral to a child psychologist who helped us deal with the biting at home and we worked with the nursery as much as we could but sadly, at 13 months old, still a baby, he was expelled from nursery. I can completely understand why the nursery had to take this action. Other parents were complaining.
But it was a difficult time.
I wished I could have stopped working and been with him all the time but I didn't have that choice. Luckily, we found a fantastic childminder and eventually he grew out of it. Later he was diagnosed with ADHD.

Sunnytwobridges · 14/04/2022 20:37

Same as what ours have said. But ours is 4 bites in 3 months. One being on his face 😭3 in a week I would be heartbroken.

Fuck that shit. I'd be raising hell. That is unacceptable and not normal no matter what anyone says. If the center doesn't get a handle on the issue, then you should put your child in another center.

laalaaland · 14/04/2022 20:52

As a parent I completely understand the outrage and upset.
However, having worked in a nursery bites are unfortunately really common. It is so difficult, particularly when they are so young. I worked with kids from 4m -18m and they just don't understand.
We were literally constantly monitoring one child who was going through a biting phase, but it happens so quickly, and so out of the blue. Like, they'll be happily playing, or even giving each other a cuddle, then suddenly sink their teeth in. There's rarely an aggressive motive behind it when they're tiny.
I used to feel so so awful about it, I loved those kids and was so upset when they got hurt. I know it's horrible, but don't go in all guns blazing and angry with the staff, they're not superhuman.

Picklequeen88 · 14/04/2022 21:06

@NuffSaidSam I don't think babies can really leave proper bite marks or even walk around to start biting other babies! It'll be toddlers that are doing the biting! I think I'd be really upset if a toddler was allowed to be able to bite my 10 month old baby at any point let alone 3-4 times!

QueenBodicea · 14/04/2022 21:20

[quote Picklequeen88]@NuffSaidSam I don't think babies can really leave proper bite marks or even walk around to start biting other babies! It'll be toddlers that are doing the biting! I think I'd be really upset if a toddler was allowed to be able to bite my 10 month old baby at any point let alone 3-4 times![/quote]
No, my baby was 9 months when he started biting and leaving bite marks.
A common misconception is that the biter must come from a neglectful home. Our baby was a much wanted precious first born who we doted on. But a few years later he was diagnosed with special needs.
I did used to feel terrible about the harm he caused and was quite relieved when he no longer attended the nursery, not that it was their fault.

justanothermanicmonday21 · 14/04/2022 21:33

We have a child like this at nursery, literally even having someone follow them 1 on 1 you cannot always fully stop it as it's so sporadic and unprovoked. At the moment we have resorted to keeping their dummy in with agreement from mum who was also getting upset at how many incidents, which is working although not resolving but in this instance the child has no understanding of others feelings etc as there is more at play, we've never had to go to these lengths before. I can see it from both sides to be honest it's a very difficult situation.

NuffSaidSam · 14/04/2022 22:02

[quote Picklequeen88]@NuffSaidSam I don't think babies can really leave proper bite marks or even walk around to start biting other babies! It'll be toddlers that are doing the biting! I think I'd be really upset if a toddler was allowed to be able to bite my 10 month old baby at any point let alone 3-4 times![/quote]
Nope.

I've worked in nurseries and now work as a nanny. All babies with teeth can and sometimes do bite. Any baby with teeth will be able to leave a mark.

Ask a breastfeeding mum whether her baby with teeth can bite!

Walking has nothing to do with it. They can crawl over and bite someone. Or just bite the baby they're next to.

I do agree that toddlers also bite, but the idea that it must be a toddler because a baby couldn't bite is false.

NuffSaidSam · 14/04/2022 22:05

And at that age it is no reflection on the baby's personality or how they're being parented. Some babies bite, some don't. Some babies pull hair, some don't. Some babies bash their own head on the floor in frustration, some don't. Some sleep, some don't. Some eat well, some don't. It's just babies.

Original poster

Zippy1510 · 15/04/2022 05:53

I can see how it’s difficult to monitor and I know the child is too young to understand but equally I don’t think I should be put in a situation where I am essentially dropping my baby off each day with the knowledge she’s probably going to get hurt

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 15/04/2022 06:16

Will you be happy to pay for the member of staff who you want to be constantly watching this child?

Nonsense argument. She's already paying to send her child to a safe, educational environment and she's not getting that.

It's the nurseries issue to manage, not OP's.

hesbeen2021 · 15/04/2022 06:29

If this had happened to my child I 100% know I would have asked for the biter to be removed from the nursery. If not removed I would have removed my child.
Your 10 month old baby has, I'm assuming, never been hurt at home. You send her somewhere to keep her safe while you work, not to be assaulted. I've been bitten by a five year old ( extra needs) and I can say it is horrendously painful

Original poster

Zippy1510 · 15/04/2022 07:17

I’ve emailed the manager and said I want to know exactly what steps are being taken to ensure she is safe. I am hoping to avoid moving her as we won’t be able to send her anywhere else (waiting lists here are at least 6 months) but I’ll have to consider other childcare arrangements if it doesn’t stop.

OP posts: