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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not ever want to organise get togethers?

12 replies

Greyornavy · 14/04/2022 07:36

I have no idea if this is just me but whenever I try to organise anything people start pulling out at the last minute.

It really puts me off organising anything, especially if only a small handful of people are going then three pull out leaving you and one other - it just becomes embarrassing. Or is it just me and I am BU?

OP posts:
NotTheOW · 14/04/2022 07:39

Yeah it's annoying I just plan stuff knowing it probably won't happen with some groups!!

balalake · 14/04/2022 07:40

I agree with you. It is so easy with modern communication methods, perhaps that has contributed.

Inklingpot · 14/04/2022 07:41

I refuse to organise anything now. I organised a get together for a large group of friends which was part birthday celebration for me and part meet up for us all as we hadn’t seen each other for a while. None of them turned up. It was embarrassing and I was hurt and disappointed. It always used to be me organising stuff but now I just won’t do it.

OctopusSay · 14/04/2022 07:42

I try and do my bit by taking a turn at organising when the group has suggested something (ie there's already buy in, it just needs someone to make it happen) rather than making my own suggestions, which I find people will sometimes agree to, but don't really want to do then drop out.

The more expensive the outing the better. Always get the money up front, people don't tend to drop out once they've paid.

Or I do real spur of the moment things. "Anyone fancy the pub tonight?" "Who fancies a drink in my garden his afternoon?". That way there's no "shame" if no one can make it, the energy that goes into organising is limited and people either go or they don't. If it ends up being 2 of us, that's fine.

Original poster
Greyornavy · 14/04/2022 07:44

@Inklingpot similar happened to me on my 30th. It was nearly twelve years ago now Shock but I booked a place for afternoon tea and I had to pay a deposit based on numbers. There were supposed to be 12 going and the day before 7 pulled out.

Then on my hen I had three people pull out last minute but again deposit based on numbers.

Last week I tried yet again and the inevitable happened! It makes me feel really shit tbh!

OP posts:
ItsPrettyObvious · 14/04/2022 07:47

Yep I don't bother. I've also retired from any further relationship attempts and am trying to see the positives in my freedom and not getting hurt by anyone else by taking up new hobbies and projects I can do alone without relying on other people. Hiking, cycling, rollerskating and painting are all on the list so far. Hopefully back to college in September too!

DingDongDenny · 14/04/2022 08:32

I wonder if this is an age thing. I'm in my 50s and I find friends only pull out with good reason. I wonder if that's because we didn't have mobiles or social media when we were younger so it wasn't a thing then.

NotTheOW · 14/04/2022 08:42

[quote Greyornavy]@Inklingpot similar happened to me on my 30th. It was nearly twelve years ago now Shock but I booked a place for afternoon tea and I had to pay a deposit based on numbers. There were supposed to be 12 going and the day before 7 pulled out.

Then on my hen I had three people pull out last minute but again deposit based on numbers.

Last week I tried yet again and the inevitable happened! It makes me feel really shit tbh![/quote]
I refuse to book anything with a deposit unless everyone has given me their share of the deposit. That weeds a few people out.

WhackingPhoenix · 14/04/2022 09:51

I haven’t done it since organising a house party for my 21st birthday when unbeknownst to me, another girl at my uni was having a (casual, no occasion) party the same night. I’ll let you figure out what happened but it’s put me off organising anything like that ever again.

DilemmaDelilah · 14/04/2022 15:14

You are definitely NOT unreasonable not to want to arrange get togethers. Nobody is unreasonable for feeling how they do. However everybody has to do things they don't want to do sometimes ( or maybe nearly all the time!) For me I HATE attending get togethers! I did attend one a couple of years ago and was so glad I had - a very nice member of our work team had moved to another team, but had invited the whole of our team round to her house for pizza and wine. That's about 10 people. Only 2 people turned up - me and one other. It was a GREAT evening! Really relaxed and fun and the complete opposite to what I was expecting.
My point is - everyone can feel whatever they want, whether other people think it is reasonable or not. Nobody is entitled to do, or not do, whatever they want just because of the way they feel.

Harveypuss · 14/04/2022 22:49

Yeah, I know what you mean. Years ago I organised a New Year's Eve party at home. Got all the food & drink in, and come 6/6.30pm the texts start coming in with excuses why so & so couldn't come, somebody else was ill etc etc. In the end we had about half a dozen people there. It was embarrassing and awkward. I was really upset.

I have resolved never to organise a party at home again. People are just too flaky. I'd rather go out to a restaurant. At least you can usually cancel the booking.

PinkPiranha11 · 14/04/2022 23:09

Yep. A couple of years ago I arranged a uni meet up for DHs uni friends (I knew them all at uni too) plus wives, kids. I jumped through hoops to make it convenient for people. On the day three of them cancelled. Since then I’ve refused to organise anything and unsurprisingly haven’t seen them now for 3 years +.

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