AIBU to insist that exh stops using my address?

[Isausernameavailable]

Really not sure about this. I divorced him after 24 years marriage for unreasonable behaviour. I won't give details as not really relevant.

Despite the grounds we have managed to have a non acrimonious divorce and split finances fairly. We are on friendly terms and have a 9 year old in common (kinship care, we're too old to be parents) who he sees reasonably regularly.

When we split he bought a campervan to live in (he had enough money to buy a small house or decent size flat in our village without a mortgage and his pension is intact)

Because he lives in a campervan he's been using my address (former marital home, I bought him out) for everything - including online deliveries and his vehicles are also registered here.

I've told him I'd like him to stop this and make other arrangements by the end of June. He came today for his post and said it's proving impossible

I'm struggling to explain why I mind, it's about moving on, I think (I'm not seeing anyone btw). But I know it's difficult for him.

So IABU, no skin off my nose really compared with the difficulty for him
IANBU, how I feel is actually quite normal and his choices are his responsibility.

I'm so undecided I will probably go with the majority view.

YANBU at all. It is your home, his decision making and down to you.

If you want to be comepletely disconnected then that is your right, nobody can gainsay you. His convenience, lack of forethought isn't your problem, it is his.

And he obviously hasn't looked very hard

motorhomeinsider.com/motorhome-permanent-address/

vanpost.uk/static_van_mailbox_fees.html

He probably jiust doesn't want to pay the fees. Or find a friend who will take the forwarded post once in a while.

Not your problem if he doesn't have an address. I'd tell him you'll be returning post to sender at end of June.

You bought him put. He has no right to send things to your address. Post it back with not known at this address or no longer at this address and tell him from June this is what will be happening. He will soon sort it.

I would tell him to re-direct post now. From the start of July you send all post back return to sender, with a note saying not at this address

Thank you Samphire, I'll send him that link then my conscience will stop troubling me. There's always a Mumsnetter with the answer.

YANB even slightly U.

It's not his home any more.

If you are claiming any kind of benefit in relation to the 9yr old I'd be very careful as its likely any system would deam him still to be living with you. I would also ensure that you financial split has a court order on it so that he cannot try to reclaim part of the property at a later date by claiming he's always lived there.

Hi LittleOwl, thanks, I don't get any benefits and the financial arrangements are via a Consent Order so all in order for the future. It just boils down to me not wanting to be unkind, but equally I don't want to put other people first all the time for ever.

If you're the sole adult in the property are you entitled to, or do you claim the 25% Council tax discount? Could his correspondence coming to your address affect this? I personally had to prove my adult son no longer lives with me after the council advised they suspected he may live here as his bank account was still registered to my address and therefore his bank statements came here.

Won't he be tied to you regarding credit history and stuff if he's registered at your address? That could backfire on you. Or him! Also voting registration, council tax. Just seems messy. I wouldn't like it.

Good point sausage roll. I'm not the only adult in the house, one of my now adult other kinship care children still lives here

Why can't he use a PO Box? They have been around for decades!

www.royalmail.com/receiving/po-box

Does anyone know how he could register and insure vehicles without an address? I think it may be illegal for him to register and insure them here anyway given it's not his address

When I lived on a boat, I used a company called MBE mailboxes etc (something like thT) I was able to tax, insure and register my car using that add. Driving license and passport went there too.i went there every few weeks to pick up stuff.

www.mbe.co.uk/

You may get more information if you post on the legal area, or ask for this to be moved there, but I'd be concerned that he's committing fraud that you're potentially caught up in too. (I'm thinking of his insurance policy for the motor home, DVLA address etc.) What if he's in an accident and the police get involved? You could end up in a difficult situation where he wants to pretend he was really living at your address.

And here I am trying to solve the problem for him. Wtf do i do that? I think my instinct's, right, he needs to sort it out, I need to hold firm.

Send all post back with ‘ Not known at this address’. Refuse deliveries. Make it impossible for him to keep doing this AND DO NOT KEEP SORTING OUT ALL HIS PROBLEMS FOR HIM.

Do what @bridgetreilly says-tell him you’re doing this and that he can no longer use your address. It isn’t his!

Fairly unequivocal that I'm not unreasonable then. Loins are girded. Thanks all

I’ve used MBE (Mail Boxes Etc) in the past. They have worked well.

YANBU. Stand your ground. Possibly fill the forms in form him and get him to sign it when he next comes round?

"Dear ExH, it has now been enough time for you to sort your address issue, so this email/letter/message is just to give you notice that, as per XX of XX month this year, I will be returning any mail or parcels from you to sender. Have a nice day. Regards, Isausernameavailable"

Definitely stop him using your address! When I chucked my XH out I had bailiffs coming round for several years afterwards. Luckily they were reasonable and went away when I told them he didn't live with me any more, but it could have been a lot worse.

@Isausernameavailable

Does anyone know how he could register and insure vehicles without an address? I think it may be illegal for him to register and insure them here anyway given it's not his address

The first link I sent you explains that. That first link is ALL he needs. The second is just ONE example of the kind of post boxes he can rent.

He can register his van to whichever PO box he uses. There is no law stopping him, as the first link explains!