To hate this? Gift/birthday related

[WeirdlyKind]

Every year, my mother does this thing I hate when it comes to buying gifts for my birthday. She goes "buy yourself something and I'll give you the money" which I absolutely hate. I can't remember the last time she put any effort in to gifts for me and tbh it doesn't really feel like a gift. I'm not hard to buy for, by any means (have a couple of hobbies that give loads of options, wear two easy to find perfumes, collect mugs) but no, she insists on doing this, even when I've asked her to stop.

She has full access to amazon and such so it's not even like she has to go and physically buy something. For Christmas I set up an amazon wishlist to make life easier for her and she refused to engage with it at all so I ended up with a pair of gloves and nothing else!

It's not even about the gift value - I genuinely don't care how much she spends! I just fin sit upsetting that she can't be arsed to buy something for me!

I'd be delighted to get money/gift card so I could have fun choosing my own gift. Would you rather she chose something she liked that you did not?

Do you feel like this is a reflection of her not being interested in you or not caring about you?

If not and this is your biggest issue with your relationship I would really try to look passed it. Is she like this with other family members?

I totally get this. Mine does this too, and sometimes she doesn't even give me the money after I've bought something (not intentional, she just forgets and I don't like to keep asking), so mostly I don't even buy anything now, I just tell her I did. Yes, I agree with you, it is upsetting, especially as I have always put a huge effort into gifts for her, and having it for her on the day. (& for other members of the family). I've now managed the upset but lowering my expectations, and by not stressing so much for her birthday. I try to find other positives and not let this get me down.

Honestly, there are so many threads about unwanted presents that surely having the freedom to choose exactly what you want is ideal? I dread buying people gifts, I never feel I get it quite right however politely people thank me.

Why not just mutually agree 'no gifts' and share a nice meal or trip out and avoid all the angst.

Does she actually give you the money afterwards?
Only asking because my own dm probably wouldn't unless I specifically asked & then we'd have a lot of "How much?!" Even if I'd only spent a tenner, it would be given somewhat begrudgingly.
YANBU, it's a bit crap really, I'd probably rather not bother.