To not go to my mums birthday celebration.

[PoppyJ175]

My mum is 50 very soon, over the early May bank holiday. I'm not saying I'm not gonna go see her, I will with the kids perhaps in the morning with a card and gifts.

But she's having some kind of gathering with her neighbours and friends one of her friends is organising. Would you be offended if you early thirties daughter didn't come? It's in the day time - early evening - probably into the night.

1. I don't drink at all, my mum and all her friends drink quite a bit. I will just be a spare part. I don't mind being around tipsy people but they get very drunk and I hate it.

1. I get really bad social anxiety and to be honest it's my ideal of hell. I've just been referred for an adult autism assessment too. I've spent years grinning and bearing at social occasions, I don't want to do it anymore. Obviously there may be exceptions.

1. Dh will likely be working and can't really take the kids if people will be drinking. My kids are autistic too, just no good (probably the best excuse tbf)

1. As awful as it sounds I don't really like most of her friends. Some of them I don't even know.

1. I will literally hate it.

1. With my mum and drink there is always fall outs with the stepfather who I believe could be a borderline alcoholic.

Aibu? My mum is not the understanding type. She's always expected us to do things out or comfort zone just to keep her happy.

OP, you’re clearly anxious about whether you should go or not. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t! In the circumstances, I would do what others have suggested, and arrive early then leave when things start to warm up (ie when the serious drinking gets going). I’d take the kids too to see their granny. You may well be anxious, but looking after your kids will help to deal with the social anxiety by giving you something to do so you don’t have to make small talk with strangers and you’ve also got a good excuse to leave early “sorry, got to go to sort the kids out”. Plus, you won’t feel guilty for NOT attending!
It’s your mum’s special birthday; if you possibly can, make the effort.

I’d plan a special birthday brunch and take round some nice food for you to have and say DH is working and you thought this would be nicer and easier with the kids.

I don't understand the problem - you are going to see her anyway on her birthday. Just leave before her event starts. If she is funny about that and stops speaking for a bit (as I see she is LC/NC with other family members) then job done for a bit!

I’d go a bit later on than you were planning so you are the first to get there and your mum will have the pleasure of being seen by her friends with you and the children. Just stay until the drinking really kicks in then leave.