It’s 4 months in… you were at Love you stages
Let this be a first point to take away from this
You can’t love someone you don’t really know, and this is proved by this whole situation happening in the first place!
It takes way more than 4m to know someone, on average- for example - it takes an abusive partner 2 YEARS to show themselves.
I did a fair bit of OLD, and learned a lot.
When I met my lovely OH of some now almost 6 years, I was really at the point of giving up on finding anyone, so I took a no fucks approach
I wouldn’t get over invested on the sole basis of texts or calls etc
I told myself that it was a very much see how it goes situation for the first 6m, that there were no expectations of either side, no pressure and no commitment, just enjoying spending time together
When we passed 6m it was actually OH who braved a conversation and brought up that he was worried that we’d never argued… erm… no? Of course not, that’s normal for a new relationship
Not for him. He thinks I walk on water, bless him :)
After a year that’s when it’s evaluation time.
Well that was the plan, but things like his (genuinely) awful exw manipulating everything we ended up being more together sooner, but it was still very much a gentle and measured process
Don’t allow anyone to sweep you off your feet, that’s a warning to you
Like a text or email scam, if they are trying to rush you, beware
Never base a relationship on what’s in your head. Actions not words
Anyone can say anything, but they can’t follow through if they’re lying.
Bottom line is that it’s great news that your instincts are intact, thank them for their protection and console yourself that you got this right and were brave enough to investigate
Next.
I found each OLD relationship I had taught me something, and it all made me stronger so pay attention to what you’re being taught and congratulate yourself when you’re right about things