To stop organising parties and bow out of friendship group?

[Heliocoop]

I’m an introvert, hate a lot of social things - but over the past number of years have had a small group of friends with children same age - and we’ve done kids parties/Easter/Xmas etc together. This group has two families. One family ‘like’ me - no probs, other family the Mum doesn’t like me, but tolerates to keep the group going. The children all get on brilliantly together. I recently organised DS’s party - but knew she wasn’t keen. So I have a get out cause which she took, excusing that her son ‘might have a sporting commitment’ - which her DH put his foot in, by saying the DS was no longer doing the sport.

So I’ve organised two other events which I cancelled today. I just don’t get the impression that when I organise anything it’s welcomed?? Tends to be better if I do something with just the family who are more enthusiastic/or just certain people. Rather than getting together in a group where the dynamics seem to change.
But this will let the children down, as they have fun whatever - despite this adult tension.

I feel like I’m being a party pooper, but I get so much disapproval/negativity/last minute let downs that I feel I can’t be bothered with the larger group things??

Is it that you and this other mum just don't really click, or is there active dis-like there?

If you just don't click I think I would organise things and invite them to come but in more of a casual "we're going here, come if you want" type way rather than a proper organised event. If you actively don't get on I think I'd step away. Either way I wouldn't keep organising big events if I didn't feel it was appreciated

Thanks @JauntyJinty! I’m not quite sure. We’ve known each other for 10 years + - but the member of the group that doesn’t like me is a very strong feminist, and often doesn’t approve of my choices - I think she sees me as weak. I think she thinks I overplan, or the things I do don’t work. She often looks grumpy or put out, despite any effort I’ve put in. I do tend to over organise because I want all to enjoy, but I think that makes things awkward? The children all seem to appreciate it though.

Don't over think it! You are not obliged or committed to organise events for her family. Just do it for the family that show interest and enjoy it
If she's trying to avoid attending you'll be doing her a favour?

Just organise stuff with the mum you get on with, and occasionally let the other mum know so she can stay in touch if she wants. You don't need to think about it more than that.

How old are the children? Can you invite them alone rather than having the parents as well? "We're doing this with the kids, would Sophie and Milo like to join us? If so, drop them off at 11." Then you could always invite the other mother later to 'help out'.

If the kids get on really well, I'd gently try to help the friendship evolve so it's between your DC and not the adults.

@Acheyknees

Think you are right but I can’t tell if I’m just bring over sensitive, and it’ll be a shame for the children in the group who really love each other. DD will really miss them. They always see Xmas/Easter etc as the time when they get together and have fun.

Never try too hard. If it doesn't flow, don't force it.

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Yes, that does seem the right way to go. I will do things with the family I do get on with, and occasionally let them know. And keep it all low key rather than planning too much.

[quote Heliocoop]@Acheyknees

Think you are right but I can’t tell if I’m just bring over sensitive, and it’ll be a shame for the children in the group who really love each other. DD will really miss them. They always see Xmas/Easter etc as the time when they get together and have fun.[/quote]
Just invite the kids.

the member of the group that doesn’t like me is a very strong feminist, and often doesn’t approve of my choices - I think she sees me as weak.

What does her being a feminist has to do with why she doesn’t like you?

I do overplan!!! So I can see that’s my fault/how I can be annoying. And overthink things.

They always see Xmas/Easter etc as the time when they get together and have fun.

As your children get older they will increasingly have their own friends, independent of parental friendships, so I wouldn't worry about them missing the children of this woman who doesn't like you. Continue to arrange stuff with the friendly mum, and also fix up playdates with your children's own chosen friends.

It sounds a bit like you don't like her for being a feminist.