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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if this is a power trip

20 replies

90sgirlxx · 13/04/2022 12:57

Me and my boyfriend had a bit of a heated argument last weekend. We didn't have any communication for a few days because he wouldn't pick up the phone. Then he spoke to me on my birthday last week and I went down to see him. We had a couple of nice days but then I wanted to talk about what happened and he didn't. He ended up asking me to go home after he got wound up and started shouting again. So for three days now we've not spoke again but last night he said that I could ring him and we agreed we needed to talk. It was a good conversation in terms of with both pointed out a couple of things like we need more cuddles and affection between us. We put some things to bed that had been creating this little blow out. We also talked about how much love we had for each other and that we still saw a good future. We opened up more than we ever had and he was very open for him because he often shuts down. He said he was going for a bath and he would message me after. He didn't message and I woke up this morning to no reply to my message. I called him just to check he was ok and he was on his way to work. I said to him if you'd like I can come down later for a drink. He sort of said yeah ok I'll let you know if I'll be home at a normal time. A few hours later I asked if he'd know by his brake if he'd be available tonight yet. He didn't reply until 2 hours ago and he said sorry I've been busy. I replied that's ok but can you answer my question. He rang and said he would ring me on his break. I said are you ok because you're not putting kisses on messages anymore and you seem like you're avoiding me since last night. He just said he was busy. This is out of character for him as he is usually always on his phone at work but he also will always message me in the morning and put kisses. So I sent a message and said to him it feels like he's still being distant with me. I said to him it's make or break now if you need space you need to say but if you want this to work you need to communicate better. He read it and didn't reply then on his lunch break he just rang and said he was busy sweetheart I will ring you you on my next break. I said to him this is not how you normally are. He said we had that talk last night and I said yes and your you're not interacting with me like you normally would. He said he will ring me

He's responding to me but he's is saying he's busy and ignoring questions. He's making excuses about me going down yet he's saying he wants to be with me still. I've offered him space and I've offered him to tell me exactly what he wants. I'm fed up of being in limbo now it's been 10 days of this on and off. I just can't read his body language what is he trying to say?

OP posts:
whenwilliwillibefamous · 13/04/2022 13:04

#hesjustnotthatintoyou

HopefulProcrastinator · 13/04/2022 13:06

Sounds like he's trying to get you to dump him so he's not the bad guy.

steff13 · 13/04/2022 13:06

That feels like a suffocating amount of communication during the day.

Acheyknees · 13/04/2022 13:10

Blimey I couldn't handle that amount of messages, give the guy a break.

AffIt · 13/04/2022 13:13

@whenwilliwillibefamous

#hesjustnotthatintoyou
Yeah.

Also, the guy is at work, for heaven's sake - at least give him until the evening to respond in a way which is acceptable to you.

nearlyspringyay · 13/04/2022 13:15

He's not interested. Sorry.

PizzaPalaver · 13/04/2022 13:17

Exhausted reading this
It’s not going to get better so I’d just leave it now.
To quote he’s just not that into you

girlmom21 · 13/04/2022 13:19

Bloody hell leave him alone. Who cares if he puts messages on his texts. If you're going to see each other after work you don't need to be in touch all day too.

fossilsmorefossils · 13/04/2022 13:22

Stop putting any energy into this man and see if/when he contacts you.

TheMarmaladeYears · 13/04/2022 13:24

That amount of interrogative communication - especially at work - would make me want to run away. In fact, so much would it suffocate me that it'd be absolutely counterproductive. Just take a break and let things take their natural course. It may well be that he's not that into you but you can't sort this by endless text messages.

BogRollBOGOF · 13/04/2022 13:25

Who wants to spend life playing second guessing games like this.

Move on before you waste years like this.

JustLyra · 13/04/2022 13:27

Regardless of how other people would see it (it would be too much for me) - he’s still being more distant than you two normally would be.

So yes, seems like he’s trying to distance himself.

Don’t play his game. Men (generally) like it when women do the chasing - don’t give in to that.

He says he’ll call you so wait for that. And if his style of communication doesn’t work for you then walk away.

Playing games is just tedious and childish. You can do better than that.

Shouldershrugger · 13/04/2022 13:28

You seem really intense. Just because you have processed and ready to move on, doesnt mean he has. People need time. You need to give him space and when he is ready, he'll call.

peachsweettea · 13/04/2022 13:28

It seems like you might be a bit anxiously-attached OP? Do you have your own friends or hobbies outside of your relationship that you can crack on with whilst he makes up his mind and gets back to you?

Offering a lot of ‘make or break’ ultimatums during the day whilst he’s at work or busy in the evenings is just not going to help, he obviously can’t spare the time to get back to you properly.

Maybe just do your own thing for a short while, give him some space and then let him reach out to you.

1000yellowdaisies · 13/04/2022 13:31

@HopefulProcrastinator

Sounds like he's trying to get you to dump him so he's not the bad guy.
I would say it sounds like this. I have previous experience of a cowardly man wanting out but not having the guts to end it, their behaviour was like this..
cigarettesNalcohol · 13/04/2022 13:32

You're suffocating him with constantly messaging him and calling him and asking if he wants to see you. It's too much. Take a step back.

He might not be acting like his usual self because he's gone off you but doesn't have the heart to say it. I suspect when you stop asking to meet up, he won't arrange anything. Unfortunately it sounds like you are more into him than he is into you. Follow through with your ultimatum and walk away with dignity. Find someone who wants the same level of involvement in a relationship as you do.

He's deliberately not answering your question to meet up... take the hint. If he wanted to see you he would be asking to see you.

It's not a nice feeling though

DontStopMeNow7 · 13/04/2022 13:37

Whatever is or might be going on, I would just leave him alone and wait until he contacts you first. If he’s genuinely busy then still contacting him is only going to push him away. If he’s being distant after appearing to resolve issues with you then he is not being honest. However, I’d still do nothing. It will reflect better on you to let him come to you. If you hear nothing you can text in a few days to ask him to tell you where you stand. If he then says nothing is wrong just be happy and ask when he would like to get together so that you can plan your week. Stay busy on your own things.

cigarettesNalcohol · 13/04/2022 13:38

@90sgirlxx
Sorry op my comment read harsher than intended. I've been in a situation like this where I did all the messaging, arranging to meet up etc and in the end, I had to just face the fact that he wasn't into me anymore. I then had to do his dirty work and dump HIM. Busy yourself with other things and consider breaking up if you're not happy with how he is communicating.

SoftwareDev · 13/04/2022 13:49

This is all sounds like very hard work.

Relationships are not meant to be like this.

tara66 · 13/04/2022 13:56

Yes - You sound like hard work. Have you nothing else to do? How old are you?

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