To not want to go on this break

[Eastereasy]

In short DM goes to Portugal every year (friends live there) on hols.

I’ve been about 8 times with her over the years. I often contribute towards her flights/accommodation. She isn’t well off and I like her to have a holiday

Last couple of years (pre Covid) she has gone for longer periods - 1-2 months.
She likes us to visit so during these longer stays I visited once with DC and once by myself

This year she is doing the same but its later in the year and I don’t want to visit. I’ve a lot on and am already bringing DM on a mini break with DC.

She mentioned me and DC coming and I said ‘Oh with X Y Z, I just don’t think I can make it this year’

I feel awful but with so much cancelled due to Covid we genuinely have a lot committed this year.

This didn’t go down well and she said ‘oh I’ll pay for the DC flights and they can come on their own.’

DC are teens now and a break with granny with no pool and a probably cold beach (October) is not ideal. She mentioned taking them to a zoo - the youngest is 12!

AIBU to say no to this ?

Ask your teens what they want to do. If the answer is no thanks then that's what you say.

Yes ask your children what they would like to do. And apart from potential animal cruilty - what's wrong with a zoo for teens?

@Bornslippery Mine would eye roll if we suggested the zoo. They are at the too cool for school stage

There's nothing wrong with a zoo, for a day!

However going in October the beach isn't going to be appealing for long, no pool and being with granny instead of mates, I can't see the appeal. I'd ask them OP but I'd be honest about what they're in for, which doesn't sound too much fun imo.

That's really sad

Let the dc decide. My 18 year old loves coming to the zoo with Ds aged 10 and me! but fair enough if they don’t like it they don’t like it… It would be nice for them to see their granny if they have a good relationship with her.

@ifyouturnonthelight Sad that I don’t want to go?
I kind of agree, I do feel bad but I’m not exactly made of money

Granny needs to adjust her expectations about what her grandchildren are going to want to do with her and how much, as they get older...its obvious. I've had these chats with my DM about my DCs, its not sad it's just life progression and natural changes.

I don't think you're in the wrong at all.

She shouldn't expect it of you, and if the kids are at that age where they don't fancy days out with granny then that's just how it is.

Tell her the truth, the kids love you, but they don't fancy visiting in the autumn and going on days out, they're at the age where they want to hang out with their mates. Nothing personal.

They actually adore her and during Covid my eldest used to sleep over at her house once a week ( we bubbled!!) so lots of love there. It’s the money to be honest and the fact that DM is in her 70s and not as young as she thinks