To ask for tips on how not to cry in my appraisal

[Lemonyfuckit]

My appraisal is tomorrow. I'm not actually worried about my appraisal itself, I've just been very emotional this week (for reasons below) and I just seem to be crying at the drop of a hat at the moment, which I would prefer not to do in my appraisal.

Feeling emotional this week as it's coming up to the first anniversary of my dad's death; stressed at work as have too much on at the moment and I've noticed over the past year that at particularly stressful times I've felt the grief more acutely; work stress has bought on a migraine for the past few days so just been feeling generally yucky and emotional but needing to carry on because of the aforementioned workload....

The partners doing my appraisal are very nice, I like them, I get on with them, feedback so far has all been very positive and if they give me some constructive feedback then that's all good, I welcome that. I just don't want to end up crying as I don't like crying in front of people (which in current state I feel like I would do at either good or constructive feedback!!) - any tips wise MNetters? I feel like I sort of need to disassociate from my emotions at the moment.

If you like and trust the people running your appraisal I'd be inclined to be honest at the beginning and tell them you're really looking fwd to the appraisal but you'd like to forewarn them you're having an emotional week with anniversary of your father's death and you've been crying at the drop of a hat, so if you start blubbing to please understand why and excuse you.

IME breaking the ice like that will make it less likely to happen, and if you do then they already know why and you can all laugh and move on

Other tactic is have a good long cry beforehand and get the tears out!

Good luck

I'm sorry for your loss OP. I think you should explain to them today that you're (understandably!!) emotional this week. You might want to consider requesting for your appraisal to be rescheduled until next week. An empathetic employer would understand this request.

Sipping cold water and making sure I breathe nice and slow helps for me (also a crier when I’m stressed!)

Are you friendly enough with any of them that you could mention beforehand that you’re feeling a bit emotional due to the anniversary of your dad’s death?

for you, sounds like a lot to deal with atm

Do they know you're struggling atm? Tbf I've broken down in front of bosses before (I just honestly can't stop myself from crying - happy or sad or angry, it's embarrassing!) and they know it's just me being me. If they're good people they'll understand. I appreciate it doesn't look professional but we don't all have great control over our tear ducts.

Sorry about your Dad. Anniversaries are tough. 🙁

I would see if you can have a big cry tonight...watch a sad film, listen to some sad songs. Think about your dad, look at pictures... just let it all out. You might find that after that, the tears are easier to hold back tomorrow.

I too would let your bosses know in advance. That way you'll all be prepared! Good luck. I hope it goes well for you x

Thank you so much for your kind words and useful tips! You're right, they are good people, I am fortunate to have a very empathetic employer so I know they would completely understand, but I think I will try and 'get it out of my system' beforehand with a good cry! I just hate blubbing in front of people but like some of you have said, I do do it sometimes when stressed / angry / happy or sad! (Ie cry during films etc) but only in extreme circumstances cry at work and would always prefer to avoid that.

As others have said, if you like and trust your managers, there's nothing wrong with either giving them a bit of a heads-up or asking if you can re-schedule?

The vast majority of managers are people, too, and won't want to deliberately upset or agitate people if there's a way round it.

There should be no surprises in your appraisal. Everything brought up you should be well aware of. I agree give the heads up that you're feeling very vulnerable this week. If I were your manager I would reschedule for another week under the circumstances.

I'm sorry for your loss.

In your fore-warning, could you ask that if you need to, you could take a break so you can pop out to the toilets, regroup/have a little cry, and then come back to the meeting?

Sorry you are having a tough time OP.

I am very much a crier - I just can’t help it. Since having DC I well up all the time, happy or sad, and it’s very frustrating. I read somewhere that pinching the flesh between your thumb and forefinger with the opposite hand stops tears - it does seem to work for me.