To not fit in at work because I'm working class?

[dontfitinagain]

I grew up working class, council house, benefits, free school meals, state secondary school.

I now work in advertising. I don't fit in. I try to, but I have nothing in common with any of them apart from work. They are all similar, the same 'tribe' and just get each other. Similar hobbies, similar holidays, similar families/backgrounds, etc.

At university I learnt to mask a lot, and how to brush over things in my background and find common ground, and I coped ok. However, somehow in this job I'm out of my depth with it. I've tried to enrich my life in my own little way, but turns out a few trips to the theatre and museums don't make much difference.

Some days I just want to snap and just be 100% honest. Oh, no I haven't been to that restaurant in SoHo (I don't even know if SoHo is a fancy area of London lol, [insert fancy area of London]', have you tried the Harvester? Their salad carts are great!

That can be tough, when you just feel like you are not at all on the same wavelength as the people you are with most of the day.

I would stop trying to "mask" though. Not that you have to be dismissive or anything like that, but it is ok to have had different experiences and to have different interests now. That's true whether you are from a wc background among people who aren't or vice versa.

Some people are jerks, but lots aren't and won't care, and you are much more likely to develop a real relationship that is enjoyable if you are just yourself.

I think the answer lies between masking and snapping. You are fine as you are. You also don't know who else is bullshitting.

Just say 'oh, I haven't been there, what is it like?' and turn the attention back away from you if you feel uncomfortable. But never lie, there's nothing wrong with being WC.

I am also from a similar background to you OP. You sound like you're still young and good for you - my advice is to just soak up their experiences, don't mask your own and ask them about theirs. Don't worry that you don't know / haven't done something yet - you will when you want you or might not ever wish to; it's got nothing to do with the quality of your work or the value of your character. They're not arseholes for having different life experiences to you either - none of you can help how you grew up and no point being resentful to each other about it. What you can control is what you do with it now and how you treat each other.

Well neither you or they are flawed because of your backgrounds. It’s just different upbringing leading to different lifestyles.

No need to mask who you are. That says you’re ashamed and I hope that’s not the case!

Be who you are, try to integrate (if you want to. Show them who you are. Expand your life by learning about theirs and they are able to the same with you.

I know what you mean OP advertising is so obsessed with certain things. (Although the only person I know who’s been mega successful in it was actually very working class.)

When you’re just starting out, it perhaps matters what your childhood was like for fitting in, but after a few years of wining and dining clients around London you too will know the fancy restaurants and will fit in better, as you’ll have more shared experience.

Advertising could certainly do with more people from working class backgrounds, so I hope you stick at it OP.

Try not to mask, be yourself, diversity is what makes life interesting.

Have you thought about trying to fit in and just owning it and being proud of your achievements ? X

*NOT Trying to fit in, that meant to say

We had a similar thread recently. Hope you can search for it somehow OP

What kind of role are you in? If you're a creative or planner or similar, you can turn your background into a real advantage.

Just be yourself. I'm working class and I despair when working class people feel the need to "impress" middle class people. They are not better than you. Why should you need to put on an act with them? If you have nothing in common then that's ok, you don't need to be best mates with them.

I’d stick it out for a while; advertising is a good industry with good opportunities, so maybe try a different agency in time if the people at this one are annoying (though most agencies will be similar I fear).

Remember you don’t have to be best mates with people at work; being civil is more than enough. Ignore the chats about skiing and mini breaks to parent’s second homes, and chip in if the chat turns to Netflix series you’ve all watched, films you’ve seen or similar.

DH and I come from not dissimilar backgrounds to you and both work in law and finance. You get used to the middle class friends and don’t notice the difference so much after a while.

Just go to Dishoom for lunch, look up the listings for the Hay Festival, do a taster spin or yoga class at the gym, and you’ll find you’ve lots to say to them quickly enough!

I have always believed that anyone who works for a living, regardless of their education background or postcode is working class.

So no need to mask, be you, the unique person you are, and enjoy your job.

It would be utterly boring if we were all the same. Interestingly you’ve classed the others as one group which far from how they feel I’m sure. They will all be individual in their own way, with things that make them different. Enjoy the variety

It gets easier as you get older/become more senior. And since having kids and being on maternity leave, nobody expects me to go out ever so it doesn't matter as much if I don't know the cool places...also, I have read / studied the news, politics, society, trends for 20 years now and have a massive grip on current affairs and actually lived through the events that shape the modern world, so I can hold my own. Also, I (very cheaply/backpacked/slummed it) very extensively to a whole host of non touristy destinations and really had my eyes opened to different realities, belief systems, cultures - even to countries that you can't go to now, eg Syria, Ukraine, so frankly not many folk can "intimidate" me in the work place or socially, despite my humble origins. I will say though that my parents were both bright.

Could you form a support group with other working class people in the same industry. I read about a girl going through the same thing at university, she called it 'we are the 93%' or something, it was to support state school kids that went to universities dominated by those who went to private school. It was very alienating. I wonder if there are more inclusive agencies around?

I had this in my first job as I was paid least. I let them get on with it tbh. A lot of the time they were just paddling desperately to keep up with one another. When I got to know them I realised it was mostly front. By that time I wasn't hugely interested in being like them either. Be yourself. You may find some of them enjoy being able to relax around you.

What kind of role / company do you work for? My experience in advertising is actually very different to yours in so far as most people I know went to state schools and would consider themselves working class. Don't confuse confidence and experience from living and working in london with class and background. Everyone ends up knowing the best restaurants over time as entertaining clients is an important part of most roles.

Be super proud of yourself. Some companies actively looking for greater diversity re working class and ask about parents’ jobs and schooling. The tide is turning and this will become more common place in recruitment. You won’t be only person not into skiing or whatever, you just have to find people you like. Can you offer to organise a social? You might be surprised what turns up and who you get to know as a result.

@JasperJohnsPaintbrush

I have always believed that anyone who works for a living, regardless of their education background or postcode is working class.

So no need to mask, be you, the unique person you are, and enjoy your job.

Although you do mean very well in your post - this kind of thinking does mask the disadvantages working-class people have in a very middle-class profession and also other inequalities that people face, especially in employment.

I come from a similar background plus childhood poverty. I'm currently studying at an RG Uni where I am a 'minority'; there is only a handful of people from similar backgrounds.

However, I have found that instead of 'masking' things, I am myself, and I share my experiences. Yes, they might have gone to the fanciest restaurants in London, but does it matter?

You can do a world of good by sharing your own experiences to help others understand, and you might eventually find a middle ground.

However, I have learnt that not everyone is confident to do that. You should be proud of where you have come from, and don't forget that when times are hard.

I’m from a working class background and I go to restaurants in Soho (crowded, club & theatre land) & the Harvester.

Thank you for your replies. I hope I didn't come across as being negative towards my colleagues, they are all very kind and friendly towards me. I just felt down after spending yet another lunch time nodding along and not feeling able to contribute after a whole discussion around the best places to ski.