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AIBU?

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Original poster

To still be into him even though he used "fake" pictures and lied?

20 replies

rechanged2022 · 12/04/2022 16:22

This is such an odd one, but I'm really wanting some opinions on this as I only have 2 close friends and they both think I'm crazy Grin

I met a guy online through a game we play, he had a profile picture at the time and subsequently changed it about 4 times in the year I spoke to him, pictures weren't the hugest thing as we were just gaming friends.

After that year we were actually planning a meet with a couple of our other friends and he actually looked different in the photos he sent around this time but not like completely different, it was weird and I couldn't put my finger on it, but turns out he was actually 8 stone heavier before and was slimming down his profile photos and editing them with the intention of hoping to look the same once he had lost weight. Probably not the most logical thing to do but I get why he might not have wanted actual photos of himself but the thing is, he didn't have to have a profile picture and why not tell me after we had been friends a while... seems weird I had to call him out for looking different in the hopes he thought I might not notice lol!

Regardless of this, I did meet him and actually really like the guy even if the first year was sort of built on a lie because he wasn't really who he said.

My friends are now telling me how I can't trust someone like that and if I'm getting feelings for him, I need to let them go because he will never be trustworthy. Is this completely true? I don't want to be an idiot but I'm also trying to see it from his perspective.

OP posts:
Pinzotti · 12/04/2022 16:23

Poor guy, give him a chance. Have your friends never used a filter??

kerrypeeper · 12/04/2022 16:24

I actually don't think it's that bad. His deception was driven by insecurity which is no different to a filter in theory. The fact you like him I would give it a try.

MissConductUS · 12/04/2022 16:26

I think now that you've met him you're allowed to form your own opinion of him and how he handled his photos.

Lady0racle · 12/04/2022 16:29

It’s a weird thing to do tbh. In the online gaming world, there’s no expectation to use your own photo as an avatar- plenty of people use photos of random objects or whatever. So he could have easily done that if it was just insecurity.

Butfirstcoffees · 12/04/2022 16:29

I think given it was a gaming profile and not a dating profile, I would have thought he never expected to be meeting someone I'm RL. He didn't use the picture to try and draw women in, did he?

My online gaming profile pic is from greys anatomy. Not trying to convince anyone I am Sandra Oh or Ellen Pompeo to get dates.

Butfirstcoffees · 12/04/2022 16:30

@Lady0racle

It’s a weird thing to do tbh. In the online gaming world, there’s no expectation to use your own photo as an avatar- plenty of people use photos of random objects or whatever. So he could have easily done that if it was just insecurity.
Ah thats actually a good point.

It is normal to use photos that are not of you.

This is definitely worth considering.

BunnyFree · 12/04/2022 16:31

It sounds like chatting to you online and making his photo thinner was a big motivation for slimming down IRL. Hard to lose that weight! Since weight is such an emotive issue I can understand why he tried to represent himself as a 'future self'. Perhaps once you have spent more time IRL together you can ask him about it and make your judgment about whether misrepresentation is a pattern with him.

Amoozbooze · 12/04/2022 16:33

I agree with pp, he didn't present you a lie, unless there is more to the story that you haven't mentioned. He slimmed down his profile picture, it's as much a lie as any filter.... Maybe even less because you said he had lost weight. He altered the pictures the same reason anyone does, through insecurity and it simply to mislead you, they weren't even specifically aimed at you if they were profile pictures. 8 stone weight loss is huge! That takes determination and will power, if you like him give him a chance.

Amoozbooze · 12/04/2022 16:35

*not simply to mislead you :-)

LampLighter414 · 12/04/2022 16:37

If he later tells you Peter is down, don't believe him

SevenWaystoLeave · 12/04/2022 16:50

My gaming profile avatar is a picture of a honey badger.

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 12/04/2022 16:59

I think it would be really different if he had used completely different or edited pics in a dating profile. The point there being that it's meant to be a true representation. Gaming profile pics can presumably be anything.

He's explained himself and didn't do this with a view to attracting women. If you're looking to meet up then perhaps see that as a clean slate and see how you feel with how he is in the flesh. Did he actually ever lie or was it just that the pics weren't accurate and he has since said why?

If you're feeling a romantic connection, I would try and put the brakes on this developing until you've actually met. People can be very different in real.life, not just physically.

skybluee · 12/04/2022 17:01

Is it a good likeness?

OrlandointheWilderness · 12/04/2022 17:01

Wouldn't bother me.

cherrysthename · 12/04/2022 17:04

He hasn't set out to deceive unlike catfish, also he didn't dodge meeting you to keep up any pretence. So I'm in agreement with PPs.

moonbedazzled · 12/04/2022 17:04

Madonna does the same thing. They just have low esteem and want to feel better about themselves. It's hardly the crime of the century.

HollowTalk · 12/04/2022 17:22

There is a novel called Jemima J which is about a woman who does exactly the same thing.

PandoraP · 12/04/2022 17:27

He lost 8 stones in a year? Wow!!

Merryoldgoat · 12/04/2022 18:17

Sorry - is all he did digitally alter a picture of himself because he was losing weight?

If that’s all I really wouldn’t care.

BadNomad · 12/04/2022 18:38

He didn't lie to you. His profile pictures were not aimed at you or there to attract you. It wasn't his dating profile. Online you can be anyone you want. There is no obligation to be your boring, plain self. The truth only matters in the "real" world.

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