How can I become more confident?

[treasure47]

Sorry, wasn't sure where to post this but looking for some advice/similar stories etc!

I really struggle with self confidence and it's something that really gets me down. Some days I feel okay but other times I really struggle. I'll be at work in meetings and I'll feel nervous to speak if there are lots of people there. I criticise myself a lot and always think that people are looking at me and thinking negative things (I'm sure they're not!). I overthink situations and conversations, and basically can't relax and be myself. This mainly seems to be at work or with people/groups I'm not fully comfortable with.
I'm early to mid 30s, married with a young child. I feel pretty confident in my abilities as a mum and tbh when I'm out on my own with DS I feel fine and probably the most confident I ever feel. This was a long work in progress though and not something that happened overnight.

I get annoyed at myself that I'm not more confident because I have reasons to be but I've always suffered with anxiety/shyness and it's definitely held me back in life.

I'm going through some marriage troubles at the moment where I'm not fully happy in my relationship and there's a big part of me that wonders if that is holding me back in life. We've been together since we were teens so I feel like I don't know who I am without him but I also feel like I really want to find out!
I'm sure this isn't the whole issue, or maybe it's not even part of it, I think I'll always be a bit like this but I don't want to be. Some days I find it easier to not be like this, and others I really struggle and I seem to beat myself up about it and make myself feel worse. Ultimately I think I always feel like I'm not quite good enough.

Does anyone have any tips/stories of how to boost self confidence?

Bump

Bump. And try NLP.

I've been there

I think what helped me the most was psychotherapy. Have you tried it?

Not sure if this will help much- I could write a similar story!🤦‍♀️
What I have been trying lately is every time I have a a negative thought- ie “I’m rubbish at singing” “I hate how my hair is sitting today”

I stop myself immediately and find something else- something as simple as “I’m really please with this nail colour” “my eyes are really bright today(bloody never with a 5 month old😂)” “I’m really great at cleaning windows”

I know it sounds ridiculous but stopping this negative thoughts creeping in really is helping!

I listen to some motivational podcasts etc too, in one of them it basically goes “negativity breeds further negativity” - which is so so true! We are our own worst critics!!

With regards to the relationship- be your own person- YOU define YOU! ❤️ Find things you love and make time for them, YOU are important 😊

Observe confident people, and copy them. And fake it till you make it. Push away negative thoughts and think positively about yourself. Over time you can own a room

When I was younger (56 now) I wouldn't say boo to a goose. Confidence has improved over time and what I think has helped massively is pushing myself out of my comfort zone. For example, talking to strangers, sitting in a different part of the office (open plan, hot desking) and therefore having to speak to new people, forcing myself to speak up in meetings, going on holiday to the USA on my own.

Start small, speak up in meetings, talk to a stranger. Build up from there.

With the negative self talk (been there too) identify it as it happens and ask yourself is it true? What are the facts that support it? Would you be so unkind to a friend?

Good luck op. More people than you realise feel the same way but once you start to gain confidence you will absolutely fly.

I recently saw a woman called Kirsty Hulse who runs Roar! at an event, taking about confidence and how we all have it, and find it truly useful/inspirational.

I've since followed her on twitter/Insta. She has some free videos on her websites, but there are also YouTube videos or podcasts with her, or with her as a guest that are worth listening too.

She has some 'trite, but useful' mantras which I am finding useful when I have imposter/confidence crisis. It gives me pause to stop and reflect and consider how I can handle the fear or nerves before getting on with it.

By the way. I promise I am not her, work for her or paid by her!!! I genuinely found her useful at a time when I needed some insight.

Paul McKenna. Videos available free on YouTube.

Thank you for all your responses! I'll definitely check out the YouTube videos and recommendations!

I could have written your post a year ago. I tried counselling, hypnosis and CBT and none of it really helped. I was prescribed antidepressants and it’s honestly changed my life, they’ve taken away the depression but also the crippling anxiety. I didn’t realise how poorly I was and how much the anxiety was holding me back.

I recently had to take time off work due to major anxiety which just gradually got more intense until I was having panic attacks for no reason and felt I was useless and the weakest link on any and every situation.
What helped me was speaking to a councillor (which I was initially very skeptical about), reading self help books (The Chimp Paradox) and most importantly stopping the negative thoughts before I spiral, this was difficult at the beginning but has become more automatic now. I try not to predict what others are thinking about me and just take things now at face value. I hated speaking in certain situations especially in work and just felt like I was either saying something stupid or being really boring but I try to tell myself that the other person wants to hear what I have to say and I'm not stupid. This is still a work in progress but it seems to get easier with practice.
These things have all given me back my confidence which previously was rock bottom and I'm starting to feel better than I've done in a long time.
I truly hope you get some tips from some of the posts on here and can put them to good use to help you through as I completely know how you feel

@Firtrees

I could have written your post a year ago. I tried counselling, hypnosis and CBT and none of it really helped. I was prescribed antidepressants and it’s honestly changed my life, they’ve taken away the depression but also the crippling anxiety. I didn’t realise how poorly I was and how much the anxiety was holding me back.

That's great you found something that works. I have been wondering if I'm suffering with depression actually, although I'm not sure I'd want to take anti depressants before trying other things first. I know that the happier I am, the more confident I feel and the easier situations feel, but I know that's probably the same for everyone!

@Honourofgrayskull

I recently had to take time off work due to major anxiety which just gradually got more intense until I was having panic attacks for no reason and felt I was useless and the weakest link on any and every situation. What helped me was speaking to a councillor (which I was initially very skeptical about), reading self help books (The Chimp Paradox) and most importantly stopping the negative thoughts before I spiral, this was difficult at the beginning but has become more automatic now. I try not to predict what others are thinking about me and just take things now at face value. I hated speaking in certain situations especially in work and just felt like I was either saying something stupid or being really boring but I try to tell myself that the other person wants to hear what I have to say and I'm not stupid. This is still a work in progress but it seems to get easier with practice. These things have all given me back my confidence which previously was rock bottom and I'm starting to feel better than I've done in a long time. I truly hope you get some tips from some of the posts on here and can put them to good use to help you through as I completely know how you feel

Thank you for sharing, it definitely helps to know that I'm not the only one who has felt this way! Sometimes I feel like everyone else has it all together and I'm an idiot even though I know that's not actually the case. Counselling is something I have considered but I'm quite nervous about tbh, and unsure whether it's for me. I guess I should try it before saying that though! Changing/stopping negative thoughts is definitely something I'm trying to do more and I know will help.