What would you do...childcare related

[Barlyboos]

I’m looking for some advice and opinions on a difficult situation.

My mum recently had a big argument with her partner which resulted in her being viciously pushed from behind (unprovoked) falling and hitting her face on the concrete pavement. My mum turned up at my door at 1:30am covered in blood and crying. She spent the night at my house then the next day my DH went to her house and turfed her partner out…unceremoniously.

Mum and her partner are shared owners in their property, my Mum is also my childcare, paid, 3 days a week, after a discussion with my DH the decision was made that our children would not be allowed in the house until her partner had moved out, which he did the next day.

Everything has been going ok, My mums face healed up without much lasting damage, her partner has stayed away but they are still in contact about bills etc.

My mum went away for the weekend and her ex came to stay to look after the cat, I have just called to see how her weekend away was and he is still there and intends to stay until they come up with a longer term solution to their housing issues.

I said that him being there causes me issues as the kids will not be allowed there if he is living there, she said that he won’t be there when the kids are but I don’t feel comfortable taking that risk as he works odd hours and I can’t guarantee they won’t cross paths. (She will not look after them at my house)

There is a lot more to this story but based on these facts, what would you do regarding childcare? Would you allow kids to go to nans or would you stay home and look after them yourself, which may result in me having to quit my job?

I would not allow my children to be looked after in a house where there is a violent partner living. They would not be stepping foot there.

I'd look at alternatives - me or DH changing work hours or days to make childcare affordable, a childminder or nursery, changing jobs if necessary.

Dh and I both work full time compressed hours over 4 days to make childcare easier and more affordable. I'm off on Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday and he's off Thursday, Friday, Sunday. That way we only ever have to worry about childcare Monday and Tuesday which saves a fortune especially in school holidays.

OP if he is the kind of man who thumps women he is probably the same type who controls when they leave the house and where they go. Could this be the reason she won't come to you. It's shit that women re encouraged to work and look after children and the childcare system is so expensive.

I can understand your mum not wanting to leave the house for hours in the daytime.

I think you need to get some really good advice on childcare costs - are you sure you've considered all the help available with tax credits etc? How old exactly are the children?

I wouldn’t trust your Mum to keep to any boundaries you have even if she agrees to them. If she comes to your house she’ll soon be ‘popping back home’ and yes, he will be there.

So you either accept that which is madness, find another solution ( can either of you change your hours so you can manage childcare between you?) or stop working until you figure something else out.