What age to crack down on grandparent favouritism?

[Thistledew]

Such a MN trope, I know, but MIL has left me feeling annoyed today.

DD's 2nd birthday. MIL's sole present for her was a supermarket jumper. Last year she gave her a book off her shelf that she had bought for DS several years ago. For Christmas she got a cheap puzzle toy that fell apart after a couple of uses.

DS, by contrast, has been given lovely Lego sets that he has really enjoyed. It's not a money issue-even though MiL released over £150k equity from a house downsize last year I would have no issue with her spending just a few quid on something that DD would actually like. It's the total lack of effort or thought that annoys me.

At what age is DD likely to notice the difference in treatment compared to her brother and how do I handle it?

How old is DS? Presumably it might be because DD is still quite young and won't want for much? I really don't get the buying lots of presents for baby thing. They are more interested in the wrapping paper! If it's really an issue then talk to her about it, I wouldn't be waiting for the 'right time'...

Your DH needs to speak to her about this ASAP - children pick up on this stuff sooner than we think. I had similar MIL issues (comments rather than presents, in our case - e.g. referring to one DD as “the pretty one” in front of them both, etc) and made my DH nip it in the bud by telling her in no uncertain terms that her obvious favouritism was not acceptable (to her credit she stopped, but I don’t think she would’ve done had he not called her out on it).

You need to nip it in the bud now. SIL is the golden child and her son was treated favourably over my DS for the first year of his life (there is only 18 months between them).

I bit my tongue as long as I could. When she cancelled coming to see us go go 'on a walk' with SIL and DN, and it was only the 3rd time to our house in a year I lost it.

I told her if she didnt buck her ideas up immediately, I would stop all access. My DS didnt need her as he had my parents who were fully engaged. I cant stop her treating her son like shit compared to her daughter, but I wont allow it to spread to the cousins.

Obviously was a very difficult upsetting conversation on both sides, but one that needed to happen. Things have vastly improved.

Never too early is my tip!