AIBU to find my husband's half arsed complements not enough??

[Lafoosa]

For some context I recently found out my husband has been watching porn all the time for the last year and lying to me about it. He hasn't been having sex with me really and when he has it's only been enough for him to be satisfied. I've spoken to him about things we could try in bed that would make it better for us both, but for the last year he's not really cared.
Sometimes if I put a bunch of makeup on and a nice outfit he'll say I look nice, but he never says I'm beautiful or sexy. I just feel like just "nice" is a bit of a crap compliment, especially when he actively looks at other women over me. Even if I put in a ton of effort to look really good it's never anything more than just nice.
I mean my mum looks nice, your gran looks nice, I just feel like never ever being called beautiful just makes me feel like he genuinely doesn't find me attractive at all. Sure I've had 2 kids so my body isn't as perfect as someone who hasn't ever had a child, but I'm only like 9 stone, and my boobs aren't so saggy that they look like I'm 90.
Is it unreasonable to expect him to at least make more of an effort in that department? I frequently give him complements so that he knows I'm attracted to him and to try and build him up, but he never does that with me.
It's starting to make me feel ugly because he's happier looking at perfect bodied women than me, and frequently says people on TV are beautiful or hot. But I'm just nice?

porn-sick limp-dick syndrome

You’re 22. Take all that energy you’re putting into complimenting him (it must take energy as well, as clearly there’s not much to genuinely compliment) and channel it into your dc and you and your life together without loser dead weight who needs you to say hes sexy to get through the day. He’s not sexy, he’s just a regular arse. He will magically remember how to compliment a woman when he goes after the next one, about 10 seconds after you kick him out- wait and see.

Everyone stop commenting on the OPs age. Shes knows how old she is.
But she IS married and a mother.
Shes on here asking, cos she knows its not on

No wonder shes no been back.

If he won’t have regular, mutually satisfying sex with you he is literally not sexy. Sit him down and tell him in words of one syllable how unhappy you are. Compliments are a total red herring. You need action not words.

I don’t mean just sex either. I mean an adult, engaged person who lives his life with and alongside you and your children. A man with interests, ambitions, hopes dreams and most of all a man who has you and your children in central place.

Unfortunately it’s unlikely this will change. You are 4 years into adulthood. You don’t have to tolerate this life. Forget being told you are sexy, honestly it’s not the issue here.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all. As you said, your mum looks nice, the next door neighbour looks nice. YANBU to expect a genuine comment from your DP. Especially as you’ve said he mentions if you don’t compliment him etc so surely he can recognise that this should be a two way thing.

I’ll be 23 next Monday and my second child is also due next week. I’d be really hurt if my DP was constantly watching porn, hardly having sex with me and BARELY complimented me. Wtf is that lol, it’s a bit ridiculous. I’m not sure how to approach it unless maybe having a conversation with him to see if he’s gone off of you or doesn’t see you in the same way since you’ve had kids? Communication seems to be your friend here but if he’s a porn addict then I’m just not sure what you can expect from the convo.

Btw both DP and I watch porn but we’re not addicts. We’re both still attracted to each other and have sex frequently. Maybe he needs to lower his porn screen time and actually focus on his sex life with you…

Sorry, you need to move on. Porn would be the end for me.

Married nearly 34 years, we’d still dangle from the chandeliers, if we physically could. He doesn’t love you.

Is your husband around the same age as you? If he is, then my guess is that he's an immature twat who now thinks he should have played the field instead of getting married and having kids. Was there any family/cultural pressure on you to marry young, by any chance?

Or possibly that he has some stupid psychological issue where he can't see you as a hot sexy woman any more simply because you're a mother - nothing to do with the way you look, but just the fact that you've had children. Again - a massive sign of him being immature.

Either way - none of this is your fault. You're clearly a lovely, attractive young woman and you deserve a lot better than him. I'm sure most men look at porn now and again, but if he's doing instead of actually having sex with you and favouring porn over reality, that's not normal. And it's really disrespectful of him to describe other women as hot, sexy, beautiful etc if he can't bring himself to say the same about you. The 'you look nice' thing is fine in isolation, but it's when it's contrasted with the way he talks about other women that it becomes hurtful.

@10HailMarys he's 3 years older than me. We started dating when I was 15 and we had our first 3 years later which is one of the reasons for early marriage rather than cultural pressure.
There was also just more romance, excitement, etc in those earlier years of the relationship.
We'll have been together for 8 years this year, so maybe it's just that he's gotten bored?