100% inappropriate dreams

[veryfrenchconnection]

NC for this.

I've been married for 10y. Decent marriage with usual ups and downs but a bit bland. We have 1DC (3yo) and are in our early 40s. Our sex life has been very exciting when we just met and then, as I assume is natural, deteriorated to the current 'lets get on with it' every few weeks - usually 1 per month. I admit I'd now rather reach for a battery operated toy than for DH. He doesn't seem to mind. We are good friends and partners and we enjoy raising DC together.

However, over the last 2weeks or so I started having these wildly inappropriate dreams about my boss. Awake, I find the man irritating and frustrating, though I admit he would objectively classify as fairly attractive. He is older than me, married and there is literally NO flirting happening between us. On either side.

The problem is all that wild, uncensured action in my dreams which makes it super awkward to work with him and even more awkward to face DH in the morning. I feel like I'm cheating even though that's nowhere near my awake thinking and I am very much ashamed and desperate to put a stop to it. I'm also terrified I'll mention boss' name while asleep and create a very difficult situation with DH.

How do I make these dreams stop?

You don't, just enjoy them. We've all had them! They will stop in their own time. Although I would suspect you are missing the intimacy

My dream focus is usually Phil Mitchell.. We even got married last dream!!

Irl I do not fancy him!!

A dream is a dream.
I’ve had so many graphic, lucid sex dreams about so many inappropriate people My friend’s dad, my exH’s best friend, my best friend’s DH In real life, i would never dream of crossing that line, but in my dreams I’m faster over the line than Usain Bolt.

@Ringmaster27 🤣🤣🤣
Me too. Had a colleague last night and it was lovely. I'm not ashamed though nor will I be telling DH how alive it made me feel!

I guess this happens to everyone. Erotic dreams about strangers or someone you know . Sometimes disappointed to wake up and find it's not real 🤣🤣😍

Thank you so much for quick responses. I assume I feel ashamed because I feel like I am betraying DH by having these dreams.

@MrsBDarcey - that's exactly it! I felt so alive in those dreams, much more so than I did for years. And I think I feel guilty for not feeling that way with DH.

I feel sexy (I'm not), in control and so excited like a full on romance is happening. It's like a novel in my head in the dreams!

OP you're not pregnant are you?
I've only ever had dreams this vivid and inappropriate when I've been pregnant!

Are you on any medication? 12 years ago I was on meds (Champix) to help me quit smoking. They warned at the time that vivid and racy dreams were common on that drug.

The night I dreamed (VERY vividly) I had a**l sex with Richard Hammond from Top Gear was the day I really decided I HAD to stop smoking and get off the meds. I laughed about it for ages but over a decade later I still can't watch the older episodes of Top Gear without blushing. I don't even find particularly attractive. Certainly not THAT attractive!

I had a sex dream about Nigel Farage once, I probably don't need to state that I do not find him attractive! I agree hormones may be at play if your dreams are particularly vivid, I've had the same both while pregnant and during peri menopause so I think any change in hormones can cause it. I had a particularly terrifying one when I was having DD, some kind of gang-related shoot out on the steps of an old fashioned cinema, it was like something from Gangs of London

I used to constantly dream about a colleague-- irl I wasn't interested at all. We all have sex dreams and they can be really fun. Just enjoy it, it doesnt mean anything. I was fortunate enough to have a Henry Cavill sex dream last week. Wish that would happen more often!

Not pregnant as far as I know but if my period doesn't start in 4 days when due I'll certainly be doing tests. I am not sure it would even be technically possible as we use protection on those rare occasions we do the deed. Of course, condoms can fail but statistically it would be quite a miracle.

Not sure about peri-menopause either - just turned 40 this month. Wouldn't it be too early? I didn't notice any other symptoms. Maybe I need to check my hormones.

Also, not on any meds.

@Squiff70 and @NowNowDermot - wow, those are something else... I wouldn't say my boss is quite at the Farage-level of unappealing or that my dreams are of smoking-stopping grade but boy is he good when I'm asleep even if he wouldn't be anywhere near my to-do list when awake!

I have very inappropriate dream! Even about female colleagues!

"To-do list" 🤣

Just enjoy it while they’re happening, then wake up and get on with normal life! It’s only your brain filtering information and if your hormones are kicking around it’s your body’s way of sorting that too. As long as you’re not cheating IRL I’m sure your husband wouldn’t even mind if you told him, but that is of course entirely your choice, as he doesn’t need access to your brain unless you want him to have it. My DH would be a bit for about 5 minutes and then just get on with his day. I get really cross if I have a dream which involves DH flirting or interacting with another woman and have been known to be really tetchy about it when I wake up! . Those dreams only happen once every few years though as he never flirts with anyone so my subconscious barely entertains the idea.

I have had sex dreams about people I 100% don't fancy. I think you are just missing having great sex, is there any way you can spice things up with your dh? I don't think it is natural for it to deteriorate to 'let's get on with it' at all.

I had a dream about Elon Musk. I do not fancy Elon Musk but that dream had me questioning myself. He was very good in the sack.

@SadButTheTruth - I had one of those on our honeymoon and was apparently seriously crossed with DH while still in that haze-state after waking up.

@Deadringer - I'd love to as he is my best friend and I love spending time with him - just not sure how. Every once in a while I'd get that 'wow he's hot' feeling and we'll have great time and ask out loud why don't we do this more often...and then it would be another 5 weeks before we'd do it again. He just rarely initiates and is not very good remembering my likes, he's a decent, not a particularly passionate sort whereas my libido is more of a fire-cracker nature.

@RaspberryChouxBuns - I can see how he may be a good dream material even if he is unbearably smug and entitled in RL. I wish my dreams would get redirected more into Dr House or Captain Hook (from Once upon a time) vibe and less into people I have to see on a daily basis...

Enjoy the dreams and use the horniness to get busy with you hubby!

. I was really bloody angry about nothing!! On your honeymoon too - that’s confusing for both of you!

@GrumpyTerrier - how was Henry if you don’t mind me asking? As good as one would imagine I hope!

@veryfrenchconnection I certainly hope you’re going to answer the lovely poster above? Seems like a really genuine and helpful post!!

We're meant to be embarrassed by our unconscious now?? Don't worry about it - just don't act on it! It's perfectly normal.

I had a threesome with two of my colleagues in a dream once. Not a single chance I fancy either of them in real life. Just enjoy them!