Inappropriate relative

[user1465146157]

I've posted on here before about a relative by marriage who I feel uneasy about around my kids. He's very touchy feely and I don't like it.

My 5 yo dd likes him as he always makes a fuss of her, big hugs, picks her up etc - I find it too much and unnecessary. His wife has dropped hints about her staying with them which is absolutely not happening but I can see a pattern forming whereby they make themselves seem really fun and I'm the bad guy by saying no. I also KNOW he knows I don't like it, and instead of being respectful he continues with the picking up, close long hugs and unnecessary hand holding.

Can anyone advise on how to deal with this - I have no proof anything is wrong just a feeling, I will never leave them alone together but I see I have to educate my dd to be aware. She is very trusting and it's a balance between not losing that in every area of life but in this situation being aware of what's okay / not okay.

We don't see them much thankfully but it's always an issue for me when we do.

It could be OP is being overly anxious. In general I think it's lovely for kids to have lots of affectionate family members and men being cuddling with their young relationships shouldn't be thought inappropriate by default.

The problem is this kind of situation does rely on gut feeling and in most cases you can't tell for sure. Someone who is deliberately overstepping your boundaries isn't someone I'd want unsupervised around my kids even if they weren't inappropriate in the way suggested. Even if there's only a small chance they're inappropriate it's not a risk I'd be willing to take with my kids. I have a few friends who were abused by 'lovely' and trusted family members (one was the headteacher of a school who did lots of charity work. He's dead now but is still remembered as a wonderful human being) so it's not a risk I'd ever take.

There's a difference between being cautious with who has unsupervised access to your kids and to go around making accusations. In the latter case you better have a very good reason to tarnish someone's reputation in the former it's fine to go with your gut (even if your gut tends to be anxious).

Thank you for coming back on with your update (and making me look like a bit less of a necromancer of dead threads).

Always trust your instincts. Always listen to them. If you do the worst thing that can happen is that someone will be offended. The worst case scenario if there is something wrong is catastrophic. The maths isn't even close to equal.