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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sister took the hump with me

22 replies

Harris1284 · 10/04/2022 15:14

AIBU or is my sister treating me like crap. So last Friday was end of term for ds and pick up was at 1:30, I didn’t finish work until 2 so my sister, who’s ds goes to the same school (my ds is 5 hers is 9) offered to pick up for me and wait in the park until I got there. This is nothing unusual for us, we help each other with childcare often, and I pick her son up every Friday from school and have him til 6pm.
When I finished work at 2 I phoned her to say on my way be around 20 mins everything ok etc, she said yes no problems still in the park but she needed to leave to pick her daughter up from her school , I knew she would need to do this and just assumed she would take the boys with her if I didn’t get back in time but instead she said (word for word) the boys are having fun in the park and there are other mums from school here so I’ll just leave them and go if everyone is ok with that? Bearing in mind I’ve only been taking my son who is in reception to this school for 6 months, hers is in yr 4 and she is on a friendly basis with a couple of the mums who I don’t know, nor does my son, so I just said very politely that I wasn’t sure about leaving my ds with people he/I don’t know, she immediately got the hump and very patronisingly and snappily said “it’s not, I wouldn’t just leave him with random people he’ll be fine, god you worry far to much “ I was a bit taken aback and said ok chill out it was just my instant response, if you think it will be ok until I get there and you really have to go then ok but please don’t patronise me or tell me I worry to much, he is my son he’s only 5 and if that’s how I feel then why does that upset you? She shouted “omg whatever are you done now”?! and hung up on me!

I didn’t bother to ring her back because I know her moods and she was clearly in one so I just set off and picked my ds up from the park where he was in the supervision of another yr 4 mum who we really don’t know well at all, I’m not sure she even knows my name. All was well and I appreciate that she picked up my son and have said no more on the matter to her but she missed my birthday yesterday, something completely out of character for us as sisters, and clearly still has the hump with me, so what I’m wondering is should I apologise? Am I in the wrong? I don’t feel that I was at all rude to her or said anything to warrant her snappy tone with me but I could be wrong!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 10/04/2022 15:20

Yeah I wouldn't be using her for any school pickups anymore. She can't be doing things like that!

StoppinBy · 10/04/2022 15:23

Sounds like something my sister would say when she was trying to guilt me in to something to suit her purposes.

YANBU and I wouldn't be ok with it either.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/04/2022 15:48

She was completely in the wrong to leave a 5 year old in the park with mums who don't know him and that he doesn't know. Its not like she asked you in advance. You would have said no.
Would they really have kept a close eye on him.
Why couldn't she have taken your boy with her.
And she's wrong to have the hump with you.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/04/2022 15:53

Your sister is totally out of line. I'd be furious.

TreatTrimTame · 10/04/2022 16:12

YANBU and she was very rude. If you are watching someone elses child you do not leave them with someone else the parent doesnt know.

I would not apologise, I would keep my distance until she makes the first move. She has been incredibly rude and will be needing your help again by the first friday of term.

Hiddenvoice · 10/04/2022 16:32

You are definitely not in the wrong here. Your child was too young to be left alone. He didn’t know anyone so if for any reason he needed help he might have felt too scared to approach someone, especially as they are strangers. Surely taking the children with her to pick up her other child shouldn’t have been an issue.

billy1966 · 10/04/2022 16:43

She is rude and completely irresponsible to suggest what she did.

I would leave her to her tantrum.

Neverreturntoathread · 10/04/2022 17:04

I don’t think you should apologise, she was very rude especially re your birthday.

If it was literally twenty minutes and there was a mum there that she knew well who had agreed to supervise, and your son was ok with it, then I think her plan was fine, but it’s up to you and the point is how rude she was.

RightOnTheEdge · 10/04/2022 17:36

I think she was very mean and petty to miss your birthday over a disagreement.
I don't think you have anything to apologise for you weren't rude but she overreacted and got personal.

Duchess379 · 10/04/2022 20:16

Put it this way. She wasn't happy leaving her DD for an extra few minutes at school, whilst she waits for you to get to the park to collect your DS, but she's quite happy to leave your 5yr old with random people.
I don't have kids but I think your sister is deeply nuts. I wouldn't trust her to look after goldfish after this little shindig..
What is would have happened if all those adults upped & left the park? 🤦🏼‍♀️

Duchess379 · 10/04/2022 20:17

Ps Happy Birthday 💐🍰🍸

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 10/04/2022 21:18

I would be really upset and annoyed if my sister done that. Her child is older and i imagine they knew the parent but at 5 and in reception you sister leaving your child with a stranger is not ok. Why didn't she take him with her? I think what she done was unacceptable and unreasonable. It should definitely be you having the hump with her not the other way around.
Happy belated birthday CakeFlowers

Mamette · 10/04/2022 21:33

So will you be taking her DS on Friday as usual?

Harris1284 · 10/04/2022 22:33

Thank you for all reply's it's much appreciated. I think I'm definitely going to bring it up with her and actually have a conversation about it, we usually just let disagreements fizzle out without saying anything more on the matter, but especially as to why she thinks it's ok to just disregard my feelings as a parent and hang up the phone on me the way that she did. She would not have left ds in any danger and in her head there was no problem but it's just not the point, he's 5 and had something happened he would not have known who to go to comfortably.

OP posts:
Harris1284 · 10/04/2022 22:38

Also yes, I will still be taking my nephew on Fridays after school, we're very close and it's not his fault his mums a hot head!
i don't want to drag the disagreement out with her either but I do want her to understand she can't just disregard peoples feelings that way wether she agrees or not, especially when it comes to their children.

OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 10/04/2022 22:40

He's 5. 5. Not 15!

What on Earth was she thinking?

Cherrysoup · 10/04/2022 22:51

Why could she not just take both boys to pick up her dd? Very odd.

lisaandalan · 10/04/2022 22:53

Ignore her, it's her who should apologise to you. X

Underfrighter · 10/04/2022 23:38

YANBU.

I think most people wouldnt have been comfortable in your situation and wouldn't have agreed. But that's not really the point.

The point is, she agreed to do something for you (look after your son). She then asked you if you were ok with arrangements changing. You answered the question politely. And she was then snappy and rude to you and has been 'punishing' you since for disagreeing with her.

Its not fair to ask someone a question then get annoyed when they give you an honest answer. It's not fair to tell someone the way that they parent is 'wrong', (especially if its something a lot of people would agree with). Its not fair to act like a child and ignore your birthday over something fairly minor that she disagrees with you on. Is she always such an over the top drama queen?

RedHelenB · 11/04/2022 07:18

She left him playing under another mums supervison. Not something to fall out over surely?

BritInAus · 11/04/2022 07:48

So not ok to do that - also very rude to the other school mum, who has been put on the spot to supervise a fairly young child she doesn't know at all beyond her older child attending the same school. What if she needed to leave suddenly?

TheCatterall · 11/04/2022 11:41

If something had happened to your son - who should have cared for him. Provided first aid etc. Who would know yours or your sisters contact details.

It’s unacceptable leaving him with school mums she kinda knows and if I were them I’d have said no.

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