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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn’t fair?

21 replies

peaches36 · 10/04/2022 09:48

For months my partner and I had planned to go out last night for a meal for my birthday which was last week.

He then turned round to me and said he couldn’t afford to go out anywhere and we ended up cancelling the plans.

Then last night he says he’s going out with a group of friends for beers. This also involved driving 40 minutes to get to said friends/bar.

Obviously I was quite annoyed that suddenly he had money to spend on beers but couldn’t spend £20 on a birthday meal. Am I just being a bit of a dick or would anyone else be annoyed at this?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 10/04/2022 09:51

He’s showing you where his priorities are. Is he like this in other areas of life? He doesn’t sound like much of a partner.

girlmom21 · 10/04/2022 09:52

Yeh he's his priority - not you. Sorry OP.

SoftwareDev · 10/04/2022 09:52

He's shown you how little he thinks of you. It's not up to you how to deal with that information.

I know what I'd do!

SoftwareDev · 10/04/2022 09:52

It's now* up to you to how...

Original poster
peaches36 · 10/04/2022 09:54

We’ve been together 8 years and have a child together - naive of me to think that really matters I suppose!

OP posts:
Underfrighter · 10/04/2022 09:56

Its selfish and rude and I can't believe you even need to ask! No money to see you but money to see his friends. Did he suggest any alternative like a cheaper restaurant?

MichelleScarn · 10/04/2022 09:58

Then last night he says he’s going out with a group of friends for beers. This also involved driving 40 minutes to get to said friends/bar.
So is he driving and drinking? Or just driving and no alcohol?

SoftwareDev · 10/04/2022 10:01

There are 2 possibilities here:

  1. He is so thick that he can't see this as an issue
  1. He knows he's being a selfish twat but figures he can get away with it anyways.

Either way - I'd be getting rid!

Original poster
peaches36 · 10/04/2022 10:01

@MichelleScarn

Then last night he says he’s going out with a group of friends for beers. This also involved driving 40 minutes to get to said friends/bar. So is he driving and drinking? Or just driving and no alcohol?
He drove but he said he only had 1 drink. But he was out for 3+ hours so I find the 1 drink thing hard to believe
OP posts:
Original poster
peaches36 · 10/04/2022 10:02

When I confronted him he also said ‘see this is why I never go out* you always moan at me’

*he always says he hates going out, and he’s hardly ever invited out anyway

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 10/04/2022 10:09

Ok, in this scenario what a decent person would have done is make an effort at home if they thought money was tight - cook for you or a takeway, nice bottle of wine, spent your birthday with you and made an effort to make it nice.

That tells you all you need to know really. I’m betting you don’t moan at him ‘for going out’ you simply tell him he’s doing something that shitheads do. He’s being defensive because he knows it as well.

Tigofigo · 10/04/2022 10:12

Yes so what did you do instead of going out?

Original poster
peaches36 · 10/04/2022 10:15

@Cornettoninja

Ok, in this scenario what a decent person would have done is make an effort at home if they thought money was tight - cook for you or a takeway, nice bottle of wine, spent your birthday with you and made an effort to make it nice.

That tells you all you need to know really. I’m betting you don’t moan at him ‘for going out’ you simply tell him he’s doing something that shitheads do. He’s being defensive because he knows it as well.

Yes I don’t ‘moan’. I actively encourage him to go out if he’s asked. I moan when he says he’s going out for 1, then comes in at 5am and is so pissed he can’t walk. And it’s like that every single time. Because he can’t say no and he’ll just follow his friends to other pubs/clubs.
OP posts:
Original poster
peaches36 · 10/04/2022 10:16

@Cornettoninja

Ok, in this scenario what a decent person would have done is make an effort at home if they thought money was tight - cook for you or a takeway, nice bottle of wine, spent your birthday with you and made an effort to make it nice.

That tells you all you need to know really. I’m betting you don’t moan at him ‘for going out’ you simply tell him he’s doing something that shitheads do. He’s being defensive because he knows it as well.

Instead it was me sat at home by myself eating a microwave meal waiting for him to come back, I got fed up in the end and went to bed. After spending all day cleaning the house (because he also does none of that either) !
OP posts:
NotTheOW · 10/04/2022 10:16

I would be very annoyed. He either lied to you about the money or he has got into debt for his mates

Summersolargirl · 10/04/2022 10:16

But it wasn’t like that last night? He drove home?

NotTheOW · 10/04/2022 10:17

He drove but he said he only had 1 drink. But he was out for 3+ hours so I find the 1 drink thing hard to believe how is he this morning? Hungover?

Original poster
peaches36 · 10/04/2022 10:19

@Summersolargirl

But it wasn’t like that last night? He drove home?
No, he seemed alright last night when he came back - I checked the doorbell Blush

I realise I sound like a right wet nelly with my replies but the reasoning I was annoyed is the fact we were meant to be going out for my birthday, we’ve not had a meal on our own for about a year

OP posts:
Brefugee · 10/04/2022 10:19

did he get paid in between times?

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 10/04/2022 10:19

And why are you with him?

girlmom21 · 10/04/2022 10:20

@peaches36

When I confronted him he also said ‘see this is why I never go out* you always moan at me’

*he always says he hates going out, and he’s hardly ever invited out anyway

Did you say "I'm not moaning at you for going out. I'm upset you 'couldn't afford' my birthday meal but you can afford drinks with your friends"?
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