Aibu to feel a bit dead inside?

Backtothefutureagain · 09/04/2022 23:35

Yes I just feel like I’m getting by and not really “living” if that makes sense

EmeraldShamrock1 · 09/04/2022 23:40

Up until 2 years ago I felt alive, feeling pretty dead inside myself.

Trying to be positive life is meh but it could be far worse.

Sunnytwobridges · 10/04/2022 00:00

Yes I relate to this a lot. The death of my DM, financial/health issues, job losses, not moving forward in my career, and failed relationships have all killed most of the feelings in me. Now I just put on a face for the public, no one would ever know how dead I feel.

Merryoldgoat · 10/04/2022 00:05

I feel like there’s a bit of me missing.

Things that seem to bother other people really don’t bother me and I wonder if I’m dead inside.

Eg. My sisters fell out with my wider family a bit before my wedding and dropped out if being bridesmaids and didn’t come. I really didn’t care. The myriad wedding threads would suggest I’m extremely unusual for this.

I think maybe after a trauma in my teens something switched off. I’m fine but there’s definitely something amiss.

DrBrennerFan · 10/04/2022 00:09

I leant last year I can’t live like this for the next 20 years this year has re enforced this, no things are changing this year.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 10/04/2022 00:14

@Sunnytwobridges You've had a very hard time.
I'm sorry for the loss of your DM.
I hope that things improve for you.

Original poster

Orangutanteddy · 10/04/2022 00:16

It's good to know I'm not alone.

OP posts:

Apileofballyhoo · 10/04/2022 00:19

You need to grieve for all the things that are making you sad, so you can let them go.

Codswallop20 · 10/04/2022 00:23

You can all feel better.
You have learned things from your experiences. You can teach your children. You can be good people

JamieNorthlife · 10/04/2022 00:25

Can I join the club? Feeling the same way, as if people I met through the years took parts of me. I feel like they stole all I was and I had.

Not sure what to do.

OP, I'm sorry that I don't have any supporting words.

Codswallop20 · 10/04/2022 00:26

Also, seek counseling. This really helped me.

Merryoldgoat · 10/04/2022 00:28

@Codswallop20

What kind of counselling?

Codswallop20 · 10/04/2022 00:31

I had counseling through my work. There is lots of stuff available, have a look at your local area

Codswallop20 · 10/04/2022 00:35

op I care. And I bet loads of other people care too. I have been at rock bottom but up is possible

RomComPhooey · 10/04/2022 00:36

I felt like this after leaving a toxic job and work environment which had been pulling me down for 10 years. After 8 months out of it I started to laugh again and came back to life. Then my Dad died after a long illness about a year later. That took about 4 years before I felt right again. Counselling helped some. I might have climbed out of the hole quicker on antidepressants but I felt like I needed to work it through without numbing the sense of loss. Over those four years I reevaluated many aspects of my life and started making changes. When you’ve got an inkling of what’s needed even if you don’t have the full picture, start making small, manageable changes. You’ll find your groove again.

WildBlueAndDitzy · 10/04/2022 00:38

@JamieNorthlife

Can I join the club? Feeling the same way, as if people I met through the years took parts of me. I feel like they stole all I was and I had.

Not sure what to do.

OP, I'm sorry that I don't have any supporting words.

This resonated with me. I've started putting all my energies into myself now. I need time to heal before I have anything to give to anyone else. I'm living my life for me now and although I won't do anything to deliberately harm anyone else, I'm not looking out for anyone either (immediate dependent family excepted). If it doesn't suit people and they walk away, I'm totally fine with that. I don't just need some "me time" I need a "me year". I'll start afresh after that with whoever is still around and go find some new friends if necessary.

Codswallop20 · 10/04/2022 00:39

@RomComPhooey

I felt like this after leaving a toxic job and work environment which had been pulling me down for 10 years. After 8 months out of it I started to laugh again and came back to life. Then my Dad died after a long illness about a year later. That took about 4 years before I felt right again. Counselling helped some. I might have climbed out of the hole quicker on antidepressants but I felt like I needed to work it through without numbing the sense of loss. Over those four years I reevaluated many aspects of my life and started making changes. When you’ve got an inkling of what’s needed even if you don’t have the full picture, start making small, manageable changes. You’ll find your groove again.

She is right. You can move on from this. Massive hugs

Newhousesad · 10/04/2022 03:54

Hugs OP. I often feel the same way

Hawkins001 · 10/04/2022 04:13

@Orangutanteddy

I was just thinking about how I've changed in the last 20 years, since I was 20, and my overwhelming feeling is that I used to feel quite alive. It's like all my bad experiences have culminated to make me feel deadened - grief at losing my mother, seeing her body, infertility, getting stabbed in the back and let down, overlooked at work etc... I know that with all those problems no one else cares and no help is coming. I'm a bit numb, really. I have good things like a lovely husband and child and enough food to eat etc... but it's like something has fundamentally changed inside of me and I can't get it back. It's like something has broken. Does anyone else feel like this? I wish I could feel fully alive again.

Sometimes it's almost like you disconnect from different situations. I know the feeling, although with me, I made the error in the past of embracing the emotional roller coaster and omg, the vast array of emotions, certainly a very mix of emotions.although in hindsight, sometimes I think I would of been better being more disconnected from my emotions.

Snapcrackleandhop · 10/04/2022 05:26

@JamieNorthlife

Can I join the club? Feeling the same way, as if people I met through the years took parts of me. I feel like they stole all I was and I had.

Not sure what to do.

OP, I'm sorry that I don't have any supporting words.

This resonated with me too. Sorry all you're feeling like this, no advice but you are not alone.

Sunnytwobridges · 10/04/2022 06:34

[quote EmeraldShamrock1]@Sunnytwobridges You've had a very hard time.
I'm sorry for the loss of your DM.
I hope that things improve for you.[/quote]
@EmeraldShamrock1 thank you very much, you are very sweet ☺️

EmeraldShamrock1 · 10/04/2022 13:11

Hopefully this thread will give us inspiration and a shake-up to start enjoying life again.

People have suffered so much loss since the pandemic began.

We'll rise from the ashes like a Phoenix in the sun. 🌞

It'll probably rain all summer 😅

Babyroobs · 10/04/2022 13:50

Yes I absolutely get this. Life wears you down over time. I am mid fifties .In recent years we have lost 3 parents suddenly, I have had 2 friends take their own life, I have lost 2 other friends suddenly in the past few months, both in their early fifties. My last two jobs have ended abruptly due to nasty incompetent managers effectively forcing me to leave jobs I loved. Each day feels like a struggle.

emeraldjones · 11/04/2022 14:18

www.ted.com/talks/matthieu_ricard_the_habits_of_happiness?utm_source=tedcomshare&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=tedspread

CaliforniaDrumming · 11/04/2022 14:22

@Babyroobs

Yes I absolutely get this. Life wears you down over time. I am mid fifties .In recent years we have lost 3 parents suddenly, I have had 2 friends take their own life, I have lost 2 other friends suddenly in the past few months, both in their early fifties. My last two jobs have ended abruptly due to nasty incompetent managers effectively forcing me to leave jobs I loved. Each day feels like a struggle.

Totally identify with this. Life has really worn me down. Serious illnesses, loss of parents, loss of friends, job losses, moving countries... everything is so wearing. I have also lost the optimism of youth when i thought that everything would be all right because I now know that it wont be.