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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband fixating on details instead of helping with housework

8 replies

Paperyfish · 09/04/2022 22:50

Dh and I have different approaches to housework.
For example, we got back of holiday today. We need to do tonnes of laundry, grocery shopping, sweep and wash floors, change beds, clean bathrooms, dust and tidy up. ( we were in a rush to leave and Easter holidays etc has meant we left without making house as tidy as possible)
I am unwell- but I sorted and put on washing, hung it out to dry, put dry stuff away, went to Lidl did meal plan and shopped for it and put it away, cleaned family bathroom, tidied kitchen.
Husband spent 3 hours tidying inside cupboards in daughters room.
Aibu to think…..
A) 9year old daughter should clean and tidy her own room
B) he’s doing twiddly focus tasks to avoid doing the heavy lifting and grunt work of essential housework ( not literally heavy lifting- but the dull, messy stuff like scrubbing loos or hoovering stairs)
And …following and argument we’ve just had….
C) it is more important to get the big housework tasks done before you start fucking around with desk cupboards?

He said he’d tidied kitchen but it still looked messy as there was nowhere to put stuff. Therefore it’s more important to spend time first organising all the cupboards. I went in kitchen and actually tidied it but putting stuff away. There was space it just doesn’t get used. E.g. loaf, wraps and burger buns balanced on top of empty bread bin, squash bottle directly under ( half empty) drinks cupboard. I re did kitchen to show him we have adequate space - you just actually have to use it and polishing cupboard shelves might be a nice extra- but if we don’t put stuff in the cupboards it will be messy still! It’s not lack of storage- it’s lack of effort.

So aibu?
Yes- iabu=cleaning cupboards is vitally important and a priority in a messy home. He was being super helpful.

No- ianbu= clean cupboard are nice but do all the big housework jobs first! He was being an avoidant arse.

OP posts:
pointythings · 09/04/2022 22:55

Nope, he is dodging essential scut work. Do not let him get away with this again. It should be a matter of 'these are the priorities, I dp a, b and c and you do x, y and z. And stick to it.

Paperyfish · 09/04/2022 22:55

Oh and I forgot- he left a bin bag full of rubbish and a big bag of recycling just in the middle of her room. I brought it downstairs and told him I’d done so and he kick off with how it’s a 2 Second job and how under appreciated he is ( I of course counter offered- if it’s a 2 second job why didn’t you do it when you left the room)

OP posts:
KeepYaHeadUp · 09/04/2022 23:02

I'm in two minds.

On the one hand, I totally sympathise as my husband is the same as yours. I am focused on quick wins and big jobs, whereas he will fixate on one thing - think blitzing the house before we have weekend guests and he'll be deep cleaning our en suite and cleaning kitchen cupboards.

On the other hand, sometimes there are jobs (like those very specific smaller jobs) which would never get done if bigger, more obvious jobs were always prioritised over them. Is it something he's been wanting to for ages and now you have a few days off he's biting the bullet.

YANBU re expecting your 9 year old to tidy her own space though

Underfrighter · 09/04/2022 23:03

To be honest I think you're both being a bit unreasonable. You're not well. You've just got back from holidays and need to unpack. Yes laundry needs done and food needs buying but having some rest and forgetting about a bit of dust and waiting a bit longer to change the beds wouldn't have hurt. You've undone any of the rest you got on holiday!

Paperyfish · 10/04/2022 00:45

Bump

OP posts:
Nennypops · 10/04/2022 00:54

It does seem a bit mad to exhaust yourselves after a holiday by spring cleaning the whole house. Would it really hurt to leave the hoovering and floor washing a bit longer?

But yes, by the same token tidying your daughter's cupboard definitely wan't a priority. In fact, your husband should have left her belongings alone, she'll probably be furious when she discovers he's been nosing amongst her things and she can't find anything.

Nennypops · 10/04/2022 00:55

He said he’d tidied kitchen but it still looked messy as there was nowhere to put stuff. Therefore it’s more important to spend time first organising all the cupboards

That's all very well, but why did that lead him to start tidying cupboards in your daughter's room? It's not like you could sensibly put kitchen stuff in there, is it? Why not at least tidy the kitchen cupboards?

Vanillalatteplease · 10/04/2022 01:10

Sounds like a lot of unnecessary faffing around when you are feeling unwell & just got back from holidays. I would have stuck a load on & ordered a take away. Do an online shop & get it delivered.

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