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Original poster

Surname

52 replies

Mp41 · 09/04/2022 21:51

I've always said when I have children I want them to have my surname. Me, my sister and cousins have our mother's name, also it's nice to know that whatever happens in life all siblings will share the same name.
It's the 21st century surely we have the right to name our children as we wish? The birth certificate will still have mothers and father's name nothing changes that.

Does this sound unreasonable??

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 09/04/2022 23:27

You need a family name, otherwise it's annoying for any medical professional (and you) to work out parental consent and also when you go abroad. If you your husband and your children have the same name there is no issue.

Just get married and then have children and then chose a name you all like. It could be yours or his or an amalgamation of the two or something new. Or change by deed poll if you don't want to get married.

StageRage · 09/04/2022 23:31

@HulaTheHedgehog

Yeah you can give them YOUR surname - if the childrens father is OK with it. But you must expect everyone to assume that HE is not the father of any of the children. Coz that's what will happen.
HE could always change his name to that of his children, if this bothers him.
MMBaranova · 09/04/2022 23:41

I have both my dad’s and my mum’s surnames. As does the whole of Spain.

I have a Spanish name from my dad and a Slavic family name from my mum. It seemed to work in a weird way. No hyphen, though I have put one in occasionally after form fillers started to. So when it came to naming the sweet and scarily pale baby she got one of mine and one of his so it goes Spanish then Anglo, not because it follows any rules but because it has a good ring to it.

CaptainAnneBonny · 09/04/2022 23:46

@HulaTheHedgehog

Yeah you can give them YOUR surname - if the childrens father is OK with it. But you must expect everyone to assume that HE is not the father of any of the children. Coz that's what will happen.
Our children have my surname and I don't think a single person has ever assumed by husband is not their father.
Eatprayrun · 09/04/2022 23:47

it's nice to know that whatever happens in life all siblings will share the same name.

What if their father goes on to have children with another woman? Wouldn’t their children be your children’s (half) siblings and they’d have a different surname?

AHungryCaterpillar · 09/04/2022 23:58

My kids have my surname, good job as ex doesn’t bother to see them now and has no involvement so would have hated them having his name. It never occurred to me that people would think he wasn’t the dad but I wouldn’t care if they did 🤷‍♀️

LondonQueen · 09/04/2022 23:58

My DC have DH's name but that's because we was married and all wanted the same name. I could see the appeal of them having my maiden name if I was single though.

LondonQueen · 10/04/2022 00:00

@HulaTheHedgehog

Yeah you can give them YOUR surname - if the childrens father is OK with it. But you must expect everyone to assume that HE is not the father of any of the children. Coz that's what will happen.
Yes this, they will assume stepdad unless he changes his name to march DC's.
LondonQueen · 10/04/2022 00:01

*match.

Aaaabbbcccc · 10/04/2022 00:20

@underneaththeash

You need a family name, otherwise it's annoying for any medical professional (and you) to work out parental consent and also when you go abroad. If you your husband and your children have the same name there is no issue.

Just get married and then have children and then chose a name you all like. It could be yours or his or an amalgamation of the two or something new. Or change by deed poll if you don't want to get married.

What are you talking about?
JulesJules · 10/04/2022 00:38

I didn't change my name when I got married. The DDs have my surname, and DH's surname as a second middle name.

underneaththeash · 10/04/2022 00:38

@Aaaabbbcccc well I've put in my post. Just read it.

Newhousesad · 10/04/2022 03:22

Of course we do! Before DH and I married we had two children already. We double barrelled their surnames and then when we got married I just took DH’s surname and we re registered our sons to just give them his.

eurochick · 10/04/2022 07:09

@underneaththeash

You need a family name, otherwise it's annoying for any medical professional (and you) to work out parental consent and also when you go abroad. If you your husband and your children have the same name there is no issue.

Just get married and then have children and then chose a name you all like. It could be yours or his or an amalgamation of the two or something new. Or change by deed poll if you don't want to get married.

Nonsense. We have three different names - myname, hisname, and our daughter has both, double-barrelled. No issues with travel or medical stuff.
TulipsGarden · 10/04/2022 07:39

My child has my surname. No-one has ever assumed my partner is his step-dad (they look very much related!) and it's never caused any problems with travel. In fact it's completely a non-issue, no-one has ever even asked why we chose to go against the norm.

GeneLovesJezebel · 10/04/2022 07:41

If you’re not married you can. If you’re married you’ll have to come to an agreement.

EdithWeston · 10/04/2022 07:43

You need a family name, otherwise it's annoying for any medical professional (and you) to work out parental consent and also when you go abroad. If you your husband and your children have the same name there is no issue

I have a different name to my DC and there has never once been any medical issue

Nor abroad (as internationally there are enough countries where families don't all share surnames that assumptions are not amade about foreigners and their naming habits). You do however need to be able to demonstrate that you have permission from everyone with PR to be taking the children across international boundaries. Strictness varies, and the only place we were ever checked was in return to UK

twinsetandpearl · 10/04/2022 10:42

Honestly I don't really get it. To me having the same surname as my husband and children is a visible sign of being a family unit - not being made up of a blended family. That my husband is their father. but that's also why I got married. Might be traditional but that's the way I like it.

TulipsGarden · 10/04/2022 11:22

@twinsetandpearl

Honestly I don't really get it. To me having the same surname as my husband and children is a visible sign of being a family unit - not being made up of a blended family. That my husband is their father. but that's also why I got married. Might be traditional but that's the way I like it.
That's fine. You do you. Personally I wouldn't want to have a different name to my child, and I would never change my name because I like it, it's unusual and I'm already known professionally by that name.

My partner is welcome to change his name is he wants to, but he doesn't. Fair enough!

HulaTheHedgehog · 10/04/2022 11:34

@twinsetandpearl

Honestly I don't really get it. To me having the same surname as my husband and children is a visible sign of being a family unit - not being made up of a blended family. That my husband is their father. but that's also why I got married. Might be traditional but that's the way I like it.
Yeah, this is spades. ^

I really don't see an issue with the woman just taking the man's surname, and the kids having his surname too. It makes life SOOO much easier. Don't care what anyone says, all having different surnames DOES cause issues throughout life. If it hasn't YET, it will do!

All this 'my kids are having MY surname, and he can deal with it' thing that some women come out with is just cringeworthy. And yes, as I and @londonqueen and several others have said, people will assume their father is the stepdad (if the mother and children have the same surname, and the dad has a different one.)

They may not say anything, but they will assume that, unless told otherwise. Sorry, but they really will, even if you think they don't.

I do roll my eyes at these women who say 'I am NOT taking HIS surname, and not giving my children HIS surname; because patriarchy!' And then go on to do the lion's share of housework, childcare, domestic duties. and life admin.

Seen it happen over and over. Refusing to take his surname, if they do get married, and refusing to let the kids have his surname, (because patriarchy!) but still sliding into the role of domestic servant!

flowerbutt · 10/04/2022 11:55

I wish I'd given my baby my surname or even double barrelled both of our surnames. My partner and I are engaged but planning a wedding just isn't on our agenda at the moment. Whilst pregnant I didn't think it would bother me, and it shouldn't as we are a "family unit", but it really does, to the point where I'm thinking of changing it. I just can't decide if I'm over reacting and making my life harder in the long run.

IstayedForTheFeminism · 10/04/2022 12:39

@underneaththeash

You need a family name, otherwise it's annoying for any medical professional (and you) to work out parental consent and also when you go abroad. If you your husband and your children have the same name there is no issue.

Just get married and then have children and then chose a name you all like. It could be yours or his or an amalgamation of the two or something new. Or change by deed poll if you don't want to get married.

Absolute bollocks.

I've never had a problem with anything medical, because I'm listed on their medical records as their mother.

The only person I know who was questioned taking dc abroad was my step dad. He has the same name as his DC, but as he was travelling without their mother he was questioned, as were they, about if she knew where they were and if they wanted to go abroad with him!

RedWingBoots · 10/04/2022 12:51

@underneaththeash

You need a family name, otherwise it's annoying for any medical professional (and you) to work out parental consent and also when you go abroad. If you your husband and your children have the same name there is no issue.

Just get married and then have children and then chose a name you all like. It could be yours or his or an amalgamation of the two or something new. Or change by deed poll if you don't want to get married.

The 1950s called!

Lots of people have last names that aren't British, let alone English, in origin so doing what the Spanish and Portuguese do is perfectly acceptable.

Oh - medical professionals and schools have no issues with children's last names being different to the adults caring for them simply because not all children are brought up by their parents for loads of reasons.

TulipsGarden · 10/04/2022 13:16

@HulaTheHedgehog Goady much? 🙄 What does it matter if people do assume the father is the step-dad, anyway? Literally no-one cares.

AHungryCaterpillar · 10/04/2022 14:24

I would rather people assume my ex is their step dad than people assume I’m not their mother! 😂 🤷‍♀️