To be shitting it about impending divorce?

[SoonToBeDivorcee]

I think it's inevitable at this point. Not sure there is much point prolonging the agony.

But I am afraid of what comes next and don't really know how it will all work.

We have two small children and a dog.

Are you in any danger of DV?
Do you have a solicitor?
What specifically is worrying you most?

I am not at risk of DV thankfully. I am reasonably sure he won't physically hurt me. Although probably not 100% as his temper has been getting worse over the last few weeks.

I am just generally worrying about what the future holds. Where we will live. The impact on the children. How I will manage financially. I know he will make it hard on me as he holds me responsible for the breakdown of our marriage.

He is a functional alcoholic and uses cannabis daily. I don't know how I feel about him having lone responsibility for the children if we share custody.

I am afraid of being a solo parent.

I don't have a solicitor, yet. Neither does he.

I don’t have all the answers but you will be ok. Mine were 2&5 and it was bloody hard but we got through it. Sending you a huge hug

I can't imagine it ever being OK, but I suppose it has to be, because there are children to think about.

I can't wait to go to sleep every night so I can forget it all for a few hours (until youngest DC wakes me up anyway).

Living with an alcoholic is hell. You will survive this, you will be ok. But it won’t be immediate. You know you have to protect your dc from the drinking and the drug use. He will blame anyone for his problems, anyone but himself —- this is the norm for alcoholics. Until I left my exh blamed his ex wife, his parents. I expect he blamed me after I went.
If you own the house , if it’s in joint names or a single name, see a solicitor ASAP as you will need to make a claim.
If you rent that it easier in a way as you can up sticks and go. Make sure you take ID, the children’s birth certificates and passports if they have them. This is NOT to smuggle the kids out if the country or do anything underhand, it’s simply to keep all the ID together.
You should be able to claim benefits.
You can contact Women’s Aid as your husband’s drinking and drug use does pose a risk to you, it can make his behaviour unpredictable.
If your dog presents a problem with moving, new accommodation etc.. you can contact the Cinnamon Trust as they have foster carers ( if this fails pm me!)
The first step is the hardest, I can still remember the anxiety of the day I escaped and it was a long time ago. He was an alcoholic who became threatening and violent when he realised I was cutting off his supply ( all his money went on booze so when he wanted / needed more he needed me to buy it)
You can do this. You’ll back in years to come and be amazed at your strength.

I’m sure a good lawyer will be able to clarify things for you. If he is an alcoholic and a drug user I would press for contact with the DCs to be at a contact centre or at least in the presence of an adult you trust. Look into benefits and housing options if you can’t stay where you are. Get maintenance for the DCs through the CMS, if necessary an attachment of earnings order. All the best. I’m sure you can get through this.