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AIBU?

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Original poster

Family court - court order

9 replies

Amz1986 · 09/04/2022 16:27

Hi,
Can anyone provide some advice for me.
Does anyone know where I would stand being in contempt of not waiting for my ex partner to agree on who can privately assess our child?

My ex has it court ordered that I have to consult him/include him in choosing who undertakes an assessment on our child for additional needs.

I have provided a list of people to my ex that I have contacted about doing an assessment, if he doesn’t come back agreeing to someone in 7-10days I’m considering booking an appointment telling him who’s doing it, where and when etc but I would be in contempt of court if I done this. What is the judge likely to do/say if I don’t this?

Bit of background this is the 2nd time I’m having to find someone to do this assessment as the 1st person he agreed on (agreed roughly 8 weeks after I had given him the details of the drs) doing the assessment ex requested that solicitors wrote to the DR asking them to do the assessment. That DR came back and said they don’t take legal instructions so will no longer do the assessment so I’m now back to square one and having to provided another list of drs to my ex to consider as to who he will agree to doing an assessment. I don’t seem it in our child’s best interest to wait for another 7-8werks for him to agree to someone else when in that time our child could be being assessed and be able to access the help and support they so desperately need.

I feel he’s being obstructive to the assessment going ahead as we have a final hearing for a CAO and the judge will take any additional needs into consideration when making the CAO.

He has refused to pay towards the assessment saying he can’t afford to so I’m having to solely fund it which is fine as I want what’s best for our child.

OP posts:
PinkWisteria · 09/04/2022 17:30

I think your solicitor will be the best one to advise here. It may be that the court will need to be updated on the efforts you have made to consult your ex and further directions made on this issue.

Soontobe60 · 09/04/2022 17:34

Surely if your child has additional needs your GP / school will already have this information?
But yes, if you go against the CO, you could find yourself in contempt of court. From what you’ve already said about your ex he’s not going to let it go!

Original poster
Amz1986 · 09/04/2022 21:40

@Soontobe60 GP and school have previously referred to CAHMs but CAHMs have closed the case down as 'inconsistent parenting'

OP posts:
Original poster
Amz1986 · 09/04/2022 21:42

@PinkWisteria my solicitor has said we have to wait for my ex to reply if he replies not agreeing to anyone I've put forward and doesn't ask me to consider anyone he's found then we can look at applying to court for a specific issue order

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 09/04/2022 22:44

So CAMHS have had some involvement and not given any sort of diagnosis. When they noted inconsistent parenting, what did you do about that? Because if you haven’t done anything, that will go against you with social services.

Original poster
Amz1986 · 09/04/2022 23:09

@Soontobe60 nah CAHMs received the referral, looked at it and asked both me and my ex if we had done the parenting course (parenting course on parenting children with additional needs) we were both told to...it was seen as inconsistent parenting because I had done the course but my ex hadn't.

OP posts:
anappleadaykeeps · 09/04/2022 23:18

I don't know what to advise, but we were in a similar situation 4-5 years ago, and it was a nightmare.

You need to work a request to your ex husband that is reasonable, but also includes a 'what if' scenario for what if he doesn't reply at all.

Do you have the dismissal from CAMHS because if you ex not taking part in the requested parenting programme in writing ? That may be a key bit of paper

AndSoFinally · 10/04/2022 08:36

IANAL, but I would say you've done exactly as the court order asks. It asks you to consult/include your ex in the process. You've done this by providing a list. You've said he has 10 days to choose and inform you. If he decides not to include himself in the process by not getting back to you within the time frame, I'd say you've done your bit 🤷🏻. Just make sure you e got evidence that you attempted to include him and he didn't engage

Original poster
Amz1986 · 10/04/2022 10:11

@AndSoFinally nope not get that in writing I've asked for it but they said they only give verbal feedback and the verbal feedback was they won't assess as we both hadn't completed the course so it's inconsistent parenting and our child's problems could be due to anxiety of the different parenting styles and the court case 🤦🏼‍♀️

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