Trying to keep this concise & not reveal where I stand on debate. Posting for your opinions as my friend is torn.
- Her (G) & him (R) split after 2.5 years. Wedding & house purchase were cancelled.
- Reason they split was that her self esteem was rock bottom & his uncaring nature was probably 50% the reason.
- They're attempting to reconcile after 6 months apart. He appears to have realised what he lost & is treating her well.
- During the 6 months, she had a FWB, no emotional attachment, very casual. He had one short lived relationship (4 weekends, sex once, he ended it because he wasn't physically attracted to her). He then spent a weekend with another Tinder date, C, no sex because he'd made an insensitive comment about her appearance so plans were off & they slept in separate rooms at her place, however, the long chats on WhatsApp continued. They didn't meet up in person again because it's a 1.5 hour journey.
- He text G from C's bedroom that morning & over the next 2 weeks, they decided to try again.
- R got drunk & told G that he had really fancied C, thought she was an amazing person & had been falling in love with her. R said fair enough, we've both seen others, we both go 'no contact' with these others. Both agreed, her FWB & his 'C' were blocked & deleted.
- 2 weeks later, G finds contact has continued between R & C. He once again promises to block & delete.
- Another 2 weeks later, G finds contact has still continued but via a different messaging app, not text message, this is relevant for later on. Other relevant info here is that it was an app where R isn't visible online like he is with WhatsApp.
- G didn't read the conversation (silly cow) because she felt that would have been too intrusive.
10. R justified the contact by saying C had been diagnosed with cancer, had got in touch to tell him & he felt he had to reply to her.
11. G asked R how she'd got in touch if she was blocked & he'd deleted her number. R said 'she kept my number & text me'.
12. G has given R the benefit of the doubt, he's blocked C on every platform & G has told him that if there's any further communication that's it, she's leaving the relationship for good. He's said he doesn't want C & if she finds a way to contact him again he'll tell G but not reply to C.
So, should she trust him? G looked on R's phone because he had mentionitis again which went beyond a short conversation sympathising about an illness. G isn't a natural snooper, she cringes when she talks about doing it & feels guilty.
YANBU: Check his phone now & then for reassurance.
YABU: Don't check his phone. Trust him.
I've told her what I think but aparently this is the complete opposite to what our other friend said to her. What do you think? I'll be sending her the link to this thread so she can read responses.