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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not wake up my brother

22 replies

Taylorswiftyy · 09/04/2022 13:07

I’m 22 and living at home while saving enough money to move out. My younger brother is 20, also living at home.

Today my brother, my mum and I are planning to go for a walk. My brother is not good at getting up and is still asleep. My mum has been out this morning but just called me to ask me to go into my brother’s room and open his window and curtains to try to wake him up (he’s a very deep sleeper so this in itself won’t be enough to waken him).

This is not the first time I have been asked to waken my brother - when we were still at school together my mum often asked me to do my best to waken him (ie by calling him, shouting to make sure he heard me, pulling back bed covers etc). I did do what she asked, but in recent years I’ve become aware that I don’t think this is healthy, for me or for my brother.

AIBU to think that my brother is a grown man and it’s not my responsibility (or my mum’s) to waken him? AIBU to be annoyed that my mum would ask me to do this? I’m happy to go for a walk with my mum and to leave my brother to suffer the consequences and miss out because he didn’t get up. I’m just worried that my mum will be annoyed with me when she gets home that I didn’t do as she asked.

OP posts:

AtlasPine · 09/04/2022 13:10

Is your brother anaemic? Does he take any medication?

VainAbigail · 09/04/2022 13:11

What kind of “consequences” would a 20 year old man likely receive for not waking and going for a walk with his mum and sister??

rosiemanchester · 09/04/2022 13:12

Honestly it just sounds like you're getting frustrated living at home, I was the same and always used to sweat the small stuff with my siblings, when you move out you'll laugh about getting wound up about this stuff. But he is an adult and shouldn't need waking up in the mornings like a child that's for sure!

Original poster

Taylorswiftyy · 09/04/2022 13:12

@AtlasPine no, he has no diagnosed health issues.

@VainAbigail simply the natural consequence of missing out on the walk!

OP posts:

litlealligator · 09/04/2022 13:13

Some people struggle to get up in the morning and wake up better if a human wakes them up compared to an alarm clock. I really don't see why this is such a big deal for you. If you don't want to do it, just tell your mum you don't want to and let her do it instead. It's not very nice to just leave him sleeping in if he thinks it's agreed that someone will wake him up.

BoredZelda · 09/04/2022 13:32

I’m just worried that my mum will be annoyed with me when she gets home that I didn’t do as she asked

Which would be avoided if you told her you weren’t going to do it.

You said you would, so you need to do it. If you don’t want to do it again, tell her you won’t be doing it in future.

jackstini · 09/04/2022 13:37

Talk about a nonissue!

You told her you'd do it, so do it - it's not going to kill you to

Next time just say no if you don't want to

HoveringDonkeyofKnock · 09/04/2022 13:39

I guess while you live at home it’s mum’s rules. And if she wants you to do a particular family task then so be it.

You can talk to her about how you’re feeling and why you don’t think it’s right or reasonable that you should have to do it. See what she says. But ultimately if you don’t like the way she’s running the family (or aspects of it) then maybe it’s a sign you need to move out. Or compromise?

1forAll74 · 09/04/2022 13:56

Just leave him in bed, and don't worry about it. He will just have to miss out on the walk. It's not your responsibility to be a waker upper or some kind of supervisor to him.

whenwilliwillibefamous · 09/04/2022 13:57

What happens if you talk to your brother and say,
"You know Mum asks me to wake you up by opening the curtains etc, but TBH you're a grown man now and I feel you need both your privacy AND the practice of organising yourself - what's YOUR take on it?" and see how the conversation goes?
That's if he's a more or less decent person, rather than, well, not.

Hutchy16 · 09/04/2022 14:06

Why are you on mumsnet? This is a child’s issue - move out or tell your mum no.

AdoraBell · 09/04/2022 14:16

YANBU, either just tell your mum No or as suggested by pp up thread talk to your brother re privacy etc and what he thinks.

As an aside, does your mum expect you to do other things for him? I’m asking because of a colleague told me she was moving out, mid twenties, because her mum expects her to tidy her brother’s room, because she is female and “that’s just how it is” - according to her mum.

FreetheKhalo · 09/04/2022 14:50

@Hutchy16

Why are you on mumsnet? This is a child’s issue - move out or tell your mum no.

Why do you think it’s up to you who uses mumsnet?

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/04/2022 15:04

A lot of people get stuck in a perpetual adolescence because they don't move out. Your relationships are fixed and stay stunted because there's no obvious change.

What you can do is to start behaving, reacting and communicating like an adult. You say to your mum, "I'm really not comfortable with this" and stick to it. You say to your brother, "you can decide to work on waking up or not, that's your choice. I'm not waking you up any more, that's mine". Don't get whiny or annoyed or sulky or grumpy. Just matter of fact, level and consistent.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2022 15:06

I’m happy to go for a walk with my mum and to leave my brother to suffer the consequences and miss out because he didn’t get up.

Consequences?

shiningcuckoo · 09/04/2022 15:07

I have 16 year old twins. Once I asked my daughter to wake up my son whilst I went in the shower. She marched into his room, yanked open the curtain and yelled "wake up ya cock. Everyone hates you".a fist fight ensued that at least got him up. Try that.

Summerofcontent · 09/04/2022 15:11

@shiningcuckoo

Well this cheered me up no end 😂😂

TheNameOfTheRoses · 09/04/2022 15:14

Your mum is stuck in treating you the way she did when you were teenagers.
She still treats your dbrother like he as a teen.

I get what you are saying about it not being healthy for you or for him. But then that’s nit up to you to decide what is healthy or not there.
The fact you don’t think it’s healthy for you to act as if you were his mum and he was a child is plenty to say NO to your mum.

The question I would have is what else is going on. In which ways is she still treating like children (both of you) and is there some ways that you quite like too (eg she still always cook for you all and you never participate in the cooking or cleaning).

Xpologog · 09/04/2022 15:16

You need something portable that plays really loud music.. Go into his room, open curtains and windows, yell loudly it’s time to get up then switch on music playing device at furthest point from his bed. Loud marching band music or screechy opera should work.

mycatisannoying · 09/04/2022 15:16

I have a 20 year old daughter. There's no way I'd waste my time trying to get her up for a 'morning walk'!
YANBU.

NewYearCalavicci · 09/04/2022 15:19

@Hutchy16

Why are you on mumsnet? This is a child’s issue - move out or tell your mum no.

*@Taylorswiftyy* is on MN because s/he wants to be . So do I , so do thousands of others and here is the shock , we dont all have DCs .

@Taylorswiftyy, I would wake him up on this occasion but talk to him , tell him from now on you will not be his personal alarm clock . Tell your DM not to ask you again as you dont want to risk going into DBs room and seeing his naked arse sticking out of the bed

skybluee · 09/04/2022 15:59

Just go in and open his curtains and window - that's what she asked you to do and what you agreed to!

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