So, my DM has announced she is going to sell up and move abroad. Putting aside my own feelings about this (she is not now going to be able to do some things she had agreed to do, leaving me in a bind) she has announced she will ‘come and visit’
We’ve been here before, and it’s a right pain in the arse. She’ll come back, exactly and only when it suits her, expecting lifts to the airport at midnight, or 5am on school days (I’m a lone parent, so I have to take DD with me. It still didn’t occur to her to book different flights. I still had to tell her it was an issue). She won’t come in the holidays because it’s not as cheap. The whole time she is here, she’ll be rushing around to appointments and errands and catch ups with friends (in MY car) poor DD will only get a couple of hours here and there with her and it’s really, really disruptive for us. DD is under assessment for adhd and finds transitions hard. We didn’t have a spare room, have our own extra curricular activities and social commitments etc) I feel like I have to alter our normal routines etc, because she has so little time available for us and DD is obviously heartbroken to have to go bed etc when Granny has only come back for five school days, and arranged to be elsewhere for four evenings of them. She does help out a little bit, but it’s all very much on her terms and she really is taking the piss.
I resent her going, for DDs sake, but I also deeply resent the way she comes to stay at her convenience and then doesn’t even spend much time with us, and expects us to just fit in with her plans (generally without telling us what they are until she gets here). Clearly, I need to set better boundaries and I don’t want to offend her, she’s DDs only grandma, so I’ll have to more tactful than I would if it were just me. But…..how?