Parent visiting - AIBU?

[Namechangeplease]

Would appreciate your thoughts please.

I’m a lodger and looking to buy a place of my own.

One of my parents has very kindly offered to put quite a bit of money towards the new place, which is v generous.

Parent is interested in coming along to second viewings of the properties, but don’t live nearby, so they’ll need a place to stay when coming for viewings.

There’s a guest room available in the place where I’m a lodger, and lots of hotels nearby. Parent would prefer to stay in my room though. I’d prefer for parent to stay in guest room, and have also offered to pay for a hotel room nearby as an another option (not somewhere extremely pricey; Travelodge/Ibis-type place).

Parent says accommodation is too expensive, and has turned down the option of guest room, and says they want to stay in my room. When I mention to them (kindly) that I’d prefer for them not to stay in my room, I am told I am ‘rigid’ and they talk over me and tell me they are not listening to me.

I feel stuck here. On the one hand, parent is very generously gifting money for me to buy my own place. On the other hand, they are asking to stay in my room with me, which I’d prefer not to happen as I see it as my own space and I think I’ve suggested decent alternative accommodation options.

AIBU?

Hellodarkness what do you mean when you see these details seem impressive? I’m not quite sure what you meant by that.

*say

Strings op.

I would reckon 1 string per £..
Is any home worth that?

@Namechangeplease

Hellodarkness what do you mean when you see these details seem impressive? I’m not quite sure what you meant by that.

Sorry OP that was a typo. I meant important.

I'd be worried this was a sign of what's to come. Will you be able to say no to visits?

It’s got to be your mum if it was your dad totally inappropriate to share a room with your dad and for anyone to suggest otherwise is odd . If it’s your mum I can see you wanting your own space , I’d do it with my mum but we get along well not everyone does . I agree with others sounds like this money comes with strings attached.

I’m torn about the whole house-buying situation. I am v grateful to my family for helping out by giving me money to buy my own place, but it’s the boundaries thing that I find difficult to handle.

My parents are both elderly. They come from families who didn’t earn much, and they themselves have worked very hard and lived pretty frugally for decades to save quite a lot of money. They want to pass the money to me and my siblings, which I’m very thankful for, but I’m also becoming wary about boundaries.

They’ve given me very good advice about how to spend the money wisely on a place (ie. what kind of property to choose), and I’ve found this genuinely helpful.

My only concern is what will happen if I like a property and they don’t (or vice versa). I’m more concerned about scenarios where I like a property and they don’t, because ultimately it’s their money (mainly) that’s going on the property. Should point out I will be getting a mortgage as well.

Name change here and need to be vague because of being outed but be mindful of this. I had the same few years ago where a parent came into heritence and gave me the money to buy. Lovely offer and didn't think anything of it until I started looking. This parent demanded they would accompany on a 2nd viewing if I liked the 1st. This is where it got horrible and if I liked the house and they didn't I wasn't allowed it. If we both liked they would offer about 30k under and refused to increase. There were times where we had offers accepted but survey came back with random small things, again they wouldn't allow me to have. It caused major issues in family and I fell out so many times. When eventually we did agree and purchased this parent then dictated on decoration, where to put furniture, demanding I get things done like repairing a broken drawer (which still worked!) Just be mindful as it was honestly so stressful I wished I didn't accept the kind offer.

Oh Christ that’s awful Iamtired :( sorry to hear it. Were you able to enjoy the place you bought in the end?

Completely inappropriate for anyone to demand they stay in your bed instead of the guest room. This sounds like a dysfunctional relationship and I can’t see any good coming from all this. I would think very carefully before you accept this offer from such a controlling person

@Namechangeplease

Oh Christ that’s awful Iamtired :( sorry to hear it. Were you able to enjoy the place you bought in the end?

Yes I did in the end thanks. I hope this won't happen to you though but be mindful just in case! My parent has always been controlling since I was a child and never expected it as an adult.