To think stepmothers and MIL's get a hard time on mumsnet

[Verity226]

Why is that?

@Chloemol

Get a grip

The posts are a small proportion of people from the millions who ar3 actually on MN

They're not though are they..

Get a grip yourself, rude person.

Totally agree, i started a step parent support thread in the relevant section on here and it’s going nicely.

Step mothers are dammed if do or don’t. Too involved ‘they are not your children’ want to take a step back ‘what if it was your child’.

Being a step parent is hugely complex and emotional. It’s not for anyone who isn’t on that role to comment in my opinion.

My MIL is odd, but ok, no complaints bless her ☺️

@PuffinMcStuffin

My MIL is rude to me, and intentionally hurtful and antagonistic. Everyone around me has commented on it.

Some people are lovely, they probably don't impact those around them enough to cause them to go to a forum for advice.

This! When our relationships are going well, we don't tend to reach out for advice as well... we don't need it! We don't need to vent nor have a rant either. I don't like my MIL much, but have little to nothing to do with her so I don't need to post but when people do post about having a good relationship with their MIL's as well as wishing I did too, I'm happy for them because it boosts my faith in humanity a bit. I've only ever had one MIL but in the past, have really, really liked and become fond of a BF's mum, she was absolutely lovely ( the BF was not so lovely, unfortunately!), so it's not always the case that people hate their MILs, or their kids' SMs, we just don't hear about the positive relationships as much. I have a DS and I must admit, I am a small bit concerned that his future wife might not like me, but hopefully I've learnt a thing or two off MN and from life itself. I hope I can be a likeable MIL at least!

Hmmm... I guess there could be a few reasons.

People are more likely to post about issues than things going great.

Also, maybe the in-laws relationship tends to be a bit more complex than a kind of... direct relationship with your own parents? It's you, OH, and in-laws and OHs can feel stuck in the middle if their parents and wife/husband/partner are having issues... so I guess it's reasonable to ask for outside viewpoints if OH isn't wanting to get too involved or disagrees with you regarding the PILs? Though I guess it's uncommon to see a FIL post.

For stepmums, and ILs actually, I think anything where different families are joining together, can naturally have issues, big or small. Sometimes we don't realise something that's normal to our family isn't normal for other families until we're a bit mushed together!

I have seen a fair few negative posts about DILs. Normally complaining about their choices for the GC. Sometimes threads here can get quite vicious both ways!

Step mums seem to be dammed if they do and dammed if they do. I think lots of people project their own issues into others.

I had a incredibly difficult MIL. You don’t know what it’s like until you have to deal with it. An adult comes into your life who acts as if they have some control and say over everything. It can deeply effect your relationship with your DH.
I think when people get on with their MIL they can’t understand why there can be an issue.

With regards to stepmothers, some people think stepmothers are an extension of the father, so she instantly has responsibility towards the children in the same way as (if not more than!) the father himself. It’s no secret on here that often stepmums are held to higher standards than than the fathers.

Definitely insecurity. I’m a SM to a 7 year old and me and her Mum get along great. The amount of other people who think it’s there business to query “how involved” I am and “how upsetting” this must be for her Mum is ridiculous. In reality her Mum is happy that her daughter is safe and secure and has a fantastic relationship with me and her Dad, just as we love that she is so happy with her Mum and stepdad. Some people are odd.

Can’t really speak for MIL as mine is dead but I’m pretty sure my own DM likes my DH more than she likes me

*their

@Verity226

From wiki ‘ In 2018, Mumsnet had 1.3 billion page views from 119 million unique users’

Then think about the actually quite small number of posts on mil and step parents. Then take a closer look at those posting, often the same ones again and again, so actually a very small number of actual users of the site

Maybe it’s just because you get a hard time as a mil/step parent. Like anything in life you will always get those who are liked and those who are not, whatever the relationship is

And certainly on the mil ones there are numerous posts about how nice the posters mil is

So as I say, rude or not, get some perspective and get a grip

Thing is, as at least one pp has said, we are not getting a random sample of relationships with MIL or Stepmum. We only get threads raised when there is as inside, and the posters on those threads may identify with the OP.
In the real world, a cross section would not be so skewed.

@Verity226

The MIL's are all overbearing, the stepmothers are all cruel. I don't understand it.

Meanwhile in the real world the people I know with MIL's get on with them just fine, and the stepmothers I know are perfectly pleasant to their stepchildren.

Because "dog bites man" is not a story, its everyday. "Man bites dog" on the other hand triggers discussion.