Is this weird or what?

[twiggy19]

My mum and dad are separated -
That's fine.
My dad - Irish, moved back there remarried had 2 girls. I was delighted when my first sibling came along in 2000 even though I barely saw them. Fast forward to 2014 my English sister arrives (ecstatic big sister here) my dad has another child as does my mum.

They lead completely separate lives as if they have no connection whatsoever (erm hello) anyway! The issues are; my dad is non existent in my life there has been no fall out but there's nothing. He has no involvement with his gorgeous grandchildren (My babies) He has only met my eldest because we went over to Ireland. He hasn't met my youngest.
The 2 siblings do not speak whatsoever - the youngest used to! She tried really hard to build a relationship at one point and it worked both ways...

If you've got your head around that maybe you won't the next part!

I lived at home with mum, stepdad and siblings, met hubby, moved out had regular contact with everyone including weekly visits sometimes more (us going to there house) hubby got on well with all.

We have moved a couple of times as our family has grown but always close enough. Now we live 30 min away.

Each time we try and go over there's an excuse the main one is - we are going up pub!
Not sure what time we'll be home.
Not quite sure what we're doing yet... really make you feel shit type excuses!

Not being funny but if you don't want to see your adult daughter and hubby do you not want to see your grandchildren??
Aswell as this WE ARE BRINGING THEM TO YOU?

AIBU to think...

1. you would absolutely put your grandchildren before the pub and stay in even if only for an hour or so?

2. would you not regularly visit your daughter and your grandchildren regularly if you lived local? Mum works part time. Step dad - reasonable hours. Both drive etc...

3. IF you answered no to the above would you not at least say hey how are you all? Via a text/fb message.
   The whole family are constantly on phones!!

Must add my English siblings are 17 and 14 so particularly the eldest should speak to us!?

When you message any of them it's one word/ line replies, usually almost templated... The typical - yes, think so, don't know yet.
No love ya know?
No sense of family.

If you've read this thanks. I haven't worried about grammar, spellings etc as typed it up quick.

It's playing on my mind a lot!

P.s not so long ago I asked my mum if we'd actually done something wrong because I felt they were distant - She was adamant that we hadn't and she was sorry we felt that way 🤔

They are teenagers. They may feel differently when they are a bit older.

Must add my English siblings are 17 and 14 so particularly the eldest should speak to us!?

Nobody has to speak to anyone though. I'm presuming there's a few years between you and the teens - maybe they feel they have little in common with you? Please remember that not all girls are interested in babies - although I presume at least one of the DC isn't actually a baby.

Have you got lots of children? Are they annoying/unruly and the type of kids who are never told 'No'?

Are you annoying/unruly?

As it stands, your DM has a husband and two teenagers to deal with. I presume the bulk of the household chores falls to her and she has additional commitments at work. At a guess, I'd say she's around fifty years old. She may be lacking the energy to deal with any other arrangements and her dependent children obviously need to come first.

I wouldn't bother trying anymore. Everyone has a different idea of what 'family' means, theirs is obviously different to yours. Nobody is right, nobody is wrong, it's just different.

Let. It. Go.

You can't make people give a shit about anything they don't give a shit about.

Focus on your own little family and move on.

Are you saying that your dad never sees you and he lives in Ireland and your mother doesn't see you either because she keeps making excuses?

Yes dad doesn't bother in Ireland.

Mum doesn't bother 30 min away

Your dad clearly doesn't give a shit, sorry OP that must be hard.

Don't know about your mum, maybe you can talk to her a bit more. I wouldn't be upset that a couple of teenagers didn't bother that much, they might change when they are older. I would just keep the door open there.

The 2 siblings do not speak whatsoever - the youngest used to! She tried really hard to build a relationship at one point and it worked both ways...

Do you mean your two English half sisters here? The thing is, you see them as Family whilst maybe you are just a tiny part of their lives in that you live in another country and have only met them was it once? It's not clear.

I think it's natural when you have kids that you imagine your parents will be keen to engage with them and be loving grandparents. Unfortunately in your situation, as stated above, both your parents have youngish families themselves and are somewhat busy with them.

I agree with others that you need to let it go and concentrate on what you do have. Those texts from your mum are indeed hurtful and personally I would step back. It's sad but you can't make them care more .

No love ya know?
No sense of family.

Stop chasing. It’ll only make you miserable.

I’m really sorry you’ve got such shitty parents. That is awful, but it’s not your fault.
Concentrate on using your emotional energy where it’s best needed - your own children, so they know you love them and get the sense of family you never had.

I’m in an almost identical situation to you. My Dad didn’t remarry or have other children though, that’s the only difference but he moved down south when I was a child and still lives there (as far as I know). He has nothing to do with his only GC (I’m his only child so never going to have any more!) and has only met the older three because I made the effort to take them to London to meet him once. They had no idea who he was and referred to him as ‘the man’ which made me sad. I used to try really hard to forge a relationship between him and my DC but he always made excuses not to visit. It was usually various illnesses and eventually I got tired of it and gave up. Have no contact with him at all now, I don’t know what he’s doing with himself anymore. He moved to London to become an actor (sigh) and that never materialised but think he’s still trying in his fifties- loser.

Moved 30 miles away from my Mum 3.5 years ago and barely see her now. Again, she often makes excuses not to visit or is busy when we ask to visit. She sees DC maybe once every other month and a lot of it seems to be a vanity project so she can take photos of DC and pretend she’s Grandparent of the year on Facebook.

Families are weird OP. I know it’s difficult to accept your parents aren’t amazing people like some people’s but all you can do is use this as fuel to ensure you’re the best parent you can be to your DC.