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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my ex to do this

18 replies

LCD39 · 07/04/2022 20:35

I have had covid this past week and my 18-month baby caught it off me. I was on the phone to 111 at 7pm on Sunday night, as my LG had come out in a rash! They told me I had to take her to a&e. I was exhausted and stressed and called up my ex and asked him if he would come to the hospital. He didn't. I then spent five hours at a&e on my own, he didn't pick up his phone or answer my texts. Luckily LG was fine. I normally FaceTime my ex every day with my little girl, but the past four days my mum has had to come help me look after LG whilst I recover and also work (I have a very demanding job.

I FaceTimed my ex tonight and he was really angry that he hadn't seen My LG all week. AIBU to be annoyed he didn't come to the hospital and didn't call until Monday morning to see if LG was OK? Am I also being unreasonable to think he should not be giving me grief for not FaceTiming him for 4 days, whilst I've been recovering from covid, working and have had to have my mum to stay to help look after my little girl? He always makes me feel so guilty for everything, when I feel like I'm doing so much. It is actually driving me insane and I feel like I'm questioning myself all the time. Any opinions greatly appreciated.

Ps hope this all makes sense, still got a slight covid brain fog!

Xxx

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 07/04/2022 20:39

Nothing stopped him calling or FaceTiming you any day but he didn’t. He didn’t check on her on Monday.

He sounds very disengaged. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

MichelleScarn · 07/04/2022 20:40

So he knew she was at ED, hadn't heard from you for 4 days and didn't contact you for updates?!

LittleOwl153 · 07/04/2022 20:44

He's just looking at ways to get at you. Clearly if the last he heard from you she was in ED he isn't interested in her is he.

I'd cut down on the facetime tbh - does he have any ACTUAL contact?

Quartz2208 · 07/04/2022 20:44

It sounds as if he is controlling you with the face timing rather than wanting to see his daughter

lonelydad2021 · 07/04/2022 20:45

You are not being unreasonable. I cannot believe a father doesn't want to go to see his daughter on A&E. He is so lucky to have access to her and that you don't obstruct contact. He is a twat.

Dishwashersaurous · 07/04/2022 20:45

His child was in hospital and he didn't check in to find out how they were?

Original poster
LCD39 · 07/04/2022 20:45

Sorry, just to add he did call on Monday morning and I said that Our LG was fine. He then tried to FaceTime Tuesday and Wednesday where I explained that I was working and my mum was looking after our daughter. As soon as she left today, I FaceTimed him.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 07/04/2022 20:46

OK. So he has tried to check in

Original poster
LCD39 · 07/04/2022 20:48

@Dishwashersaurous yes! He didn't come to hospital when I asked him. Or answer my calls ir texts the night I was in hospital. But he did text to ask on Monday. I was more annoyed he didn't want to be there to help/support on Sunday night.

OP posts:
IggyAce · 07/04/2022 20:51

Get well soon, he surely could have FaceTime you himself, why is it your responsibility to facilitate.
Moving forward I’d tell him that dd is available between x & y time on x days for him to contact for a FaceTime. Make him take some responsibility.

Original poster
LCD39 · 07/04/2022 20:51

@lonelydad2021 I give him every opportunity to see her and he has her one night at the weekend. (We both work full time)! He is welcome to see her after work too, as she is so young I just ask she stays in one place during the week so she has that stability. I was shocked he didn't at least check in whilst I was in a&e and now he's making me feel guilty for not FaceTiming him! It makes no sense to me

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 07/04/2022 20:53

Well that’s completely different. If the arrangement you’ve both agreed to is he calls you and you’ve not been picking up to punish him for not going to the hospital then I think you’re being unreasonable. You could haft found 5 minutes while your mum was there to help you do he could chat to her.

Original poster
LCD39 · 07/04/2022 20:56

@AnneLovesGilbert I wasn't punishing him, but I get what you're saying. I could have found five minutes, similarly I wish he could have found the time to come to the hospital or checked in on her the night she was in hospital. Appreciate your opinion.

OP posts:
jelly79 · 07/04/2022 20:59

He wants you to FaceTime him so much but couldn't come look after her when you or her were poorly.

No guilt required

FaceTiming daily, also not required

Hope you feel better x

Original poster
LCD39 · 07/04/2022 21:01

@jelly79 thanks for your response! This is how I feel exactly. I'm not a bitter person, but just felt so exhausted and Ill, FaceTiming him back wasn't my priority over the past three days.

OP posts:
LoveSpringDaffs · 07/04/2022 21:02

He's a horrible twat. He's also using FaceTime to control you. Put an end to it, let him call one night mid week instead of a midweek visit, but that's it. He doesn't get to check you're st home with her every bloidy night if the week.

Stop pandering to him. IF he can't even be there to support you both when you're in hospital, he can fuck right off. TWAT

Original poster
LCD39 · 07/04/2022 21:23

@LoveSpringDaffs thanks for the message! I never saw it like that but since you've mentioned it, it does feel a little
Controlling especially when he uses it against me, and I am more than fair and considerate!

OP posts:
LoveSpringDaffs · 08/04/2022 00:09

[quote LCD39]@LoveSpringDaffs thanks for the message! I never saw it like that but since you've mentioned it, it does feel a little
Controlling especially when he uses it against me, and I am more than fair and considerate! [/quote]
It's easier to see things from the outside (and many more years under you belt!)

Take care of you & DD, then when you're feeling stronger, start laying down some boundaries!

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