AIBU to ask your most ridiculous PFB moment...

[OgdensGoneNutFlake]

Inspired by the "first ice cream" thread, I wondered whether anyone had any embarrassingly Precious First Born tales of their own?

None of mine are particularly memorable at this moment, but essentially my second born has had a lot more chocolate, late nights, gopping nappies and soil-eating than my little angelic PFB ever did (and he's altogether happier for it!)

My hv told me part of her role was to make sure I spoke to my baby enough for him to develop speech. I was so affronted I read him the Iliad and the Odyssey febore he was six weeks old. To be fair he did take a first in Classics!

midwife turned up at 9am while we were all still sleeping and rollicked me for having the curtains shut because baby needed the light for vit D and to shift very slight jaundice.

Window glass blocks UVB rays (the ones that create 7-dehydrocholesterol and thus vitamin D via your skin) so that was incorrect of her and more than a bit unkind.

@SouperNoodle

I emailed CBeebies and asked them to stop showing Bot and the Beasties as my PFB was scared of it 😂

When DS was born he was a very tiny 4lb baby and when we left SCBU they advised us to get a movement sensor thing for under the mattress of his Moses basket. When DS was 3 months old he outgrew the Moses basket and went into his proper cot in our bedroom. DH insisted we still use the sensor monitor in the cot.

Shortly after DS had gone into his cot I had to go away overnight for a Brownie pack holiday (I was a Brown Owl). In the middle of the night everyone was woken up by two police officers knocking on the door of the barn where we were staying. They informed me that my DH had been trying to contact me (my mobile had run out of charge and I hadn't realised) and could I contact him urgently about my DS. I used someone else's phone and my DH was beside himself. The movement sensor thing in DS's cot had gone off as DS must have wriggled off it in his sleep. DH had panicked and rushed DS to A&E where DS was declared to be fit and well. DP however was in pieces so I had to leave my Pack Holiday for the morning to go and sort out my traumatised DH (who was a 6'2 police officer on the Major Crime Unit at the time 🤣) and I returned to my Pack Holiday a few hours later with both DH and DS in tow!

My DS is 22 now and my DH still cringes when I tell someone that story.

Crying while I chipped off vivid yellowy-green, 'infected' 🙄 cradle cap from my son.

Smelling it.

Crying more because it smelt rancid.

Guiltily recalling that I'd eaten a (barely warm, btw) curry Pot Noodle the night before, while breastfeeding.

Ermm..

Doing a breastfeeding diary in the first month. Writing down every feed (there were lots!} and the duration and proudly showing my midwife..
who politely said 'thats brilliant heartshapedeyes, you are doing a great job, but you really don't need to write it all down like that'

The most embarassing one was probably when dd was about 5 months old, she had just started sitting up on her own unaided but on this occasion, she rolled over and bumped her head on the wooden floor in our living room, she started crying, I comforted her, panicked abit & decided I wanted to see how hard she had hit her head, so I got on the ground and bashed my head against the floor in a similar fashion to how dd did it. DD didn't even cry for long and there was no bump on her head and I was glad nobody else was around to witness my head floor banging.

I read that babies should wear one more layer than you. I asked my midwife if my bra plus maternity jeans that came up to my bra band counted as a layer.

@SilverSplitsTheBlue

There was a hilarious thread on here which was similar. One mother fell to the floor to bang her head to test how hard the floor was after her PFB fell over. While the in laws looked on aghast.

Another one was tempted to walk down her local high street with her PFB aloft so all could admire his beauty.

My absolute favourite (post of all time ever) was a mum who took her DS to the doctor, he asked her to hold her DS's head and hip (iirc) and she positioned her newborn's one hand on his head, the other hand on his hip in a juvenile YMCA type pose. That post cheered me up for weeks.

I don’t know why that last one is so funny but I still chuckle when I think of it….I think the OP described the dr’s confusion really well and finished with an anguished ‘I posed my baby’!

I walked backwards pulling DS in his pram behind me the entire way home from the park once (about a 15 min walk) so the sun wasn’t shining in his eyes.
I must’ve looked like a right twat

I actually made a video montage of the initial two weeks of ‘first tastes’ veg led weaning AND SHARED IT WITH PEOPLE AS IF THEY’D CARE. Getting on for 2 now and the list of food she will no longer tolerate in her presence let alone put in her mouth gets longer every day, so I’m definitely getting my comeuppance there!

I stumbled on a folder of videos I made of my PFB the other day. Carefully chosen soundtracks, absolutely cringeworthy titles, and subject matter of 'first ever raspberry eaten' 'first hat with a bobble' type of thing. One of them, and I'm not even kidding, is a film of the baby sitting in his bouncy chair watching the washing machine go round.

Bad enough I made them, I shared these on social media and sent these bloody films to all the relatives with great pride. They were all very kind at the time.

There's very little footage of the second kid.

All visitors were made to stand in the hallway silently whilst ds was feeding incase they distracted him (why I didn't just move to another room if I was so bothered I don't know).
When ds was around 3yo I bought a world map for his room that had stickers to stick on the different countries flags.
I proceeded to take this map into nursery and tell his teacher that ds now knew all the flags of the world and could identify any flag and match it to the country on the map. I then stood ds in front of the congregated nursery staff who were looking aghast and tried to get him to demonstrate his skill. DS just stood silently looking at me as I pointed to France, holding the french flag in my hand.
Nursery teacher gently coaxed him over to the water play trough with a pal whilst I stood there with my map.

Oh these have made me laugh so much.

I used to hate it when people would hold my babies hand ( still find it weird someone would do this) as baby would then suck them, so once they left I would wash my babies hands!

PFB Is 37 now. I used to feel guilty that he wasn’t getting enough stimulation so if he eke at night I’d go play and read to him. Worse than that, I’d sometimes pop him in the buggy and walk him round the block at four in the morning to demonstrate the difference between night and day.
None of the other three had nighttime walks and yet they know the difference!

Definitely the night that he slept through at about 6 weeks old - only he didn't, because I decided I should wake him for a feed. How silly, I thought the next day - I won't do that again!

Reader, he did not sleep through again until he turned 1

When DC1 was a newborn we were out somewhere for the afternoon and I changed her nappy every half an hour, to the point where we ran out of nappies and had to bring her home without one on because I'd put the one she had been wearing into the nappy bin already

This wasn't me but a friend. We met in a pub for some lunch and her DC was about 2 months old and asleep in the car seat attached to the pram. She set a timer on her phone so she could take him out of the seat after however long was recommended at the time that a young baby can stay in a car seat.

I'm a lot more relaxed with DC2!

Mine is so embarrassing... As I was preparing to leave labour ward, I was told by a MW that my husband was 'causing a commotion' in reception. Convinced they had the wrong husband, I questioned what the hell was going on. Transpires it was because I'd told him baby and I could only leave with baby safely strapped into the car seat. Without realising ours was fixed and the seat didn't detach (bought 2 days beforehand, and yeah, PFB mum who didn't know these things). My husband was so frantic that he'd never get to see us again (in his defence, it was during Covid), he'd disengaged all logic, and dismantled and dragged the whole (10kgs??) thing, pole and all, through the hospital into labour ward.
Throughout pregnancy, the thought of that moment your proud husband carries baby out of the hospital in the car seat had kept me going. Instead, I wheeled my baby out in a plastic tub, accompanied by a very unimpressed MW, whilst shamefaced husband swiftly reassembled the seat 🤦 I dread to think what they said about us afterwards!

Eldest Child had audio books from before birth. Lots of classical music and learn French, Spanish cds on loop in her room all
Night. I thought it would help educate her 😜no tv until 5 was my mantra.

She was badly car sick every time on the car we went anywhere and screamed constantly.

My friend a primary DH suggested he lend me a DVD player and just see if it helped. I consulted a consultant (doctor) over if it would be brain damaging or stunt developments how they kept a straight face I won’t ever know. Oh sweet mother of rabbits - how ridiculous! My friend said ‘she’s screaming and vomiting in the back of a car - how much educational value is there in that’ - he plonked baby Einstein on dvd and she was silent and happy. I then pre watched bloody baby Einstein on dvd so I could discuss them with a …..2 year old! Ffs. I refused to let her watch Disney and she had to watch educational films or Sesame Street for educational value and only in the car.

Thankfully she has suffered no lasting effects - youngest was allowed Peter rabbit and scooby doo from a young age and doesn’t have to listen to Spanish cds on loops 🤪😂

I did have an abusive childhood and I was trying to break patterns just a massive bit OTT about giving her the best life I could.

I took my PFB to the doctors because her bum crack was really long.

My first night in hospital I refused to sleep because id convinced myself that my ds was the most beautiful baby ever born that one of the other mums on the ward would swap babies why I slept
Id have to place my hand on his tummy whilst he slept to be sure he was breathing correctly. My fil asked me once what I was doing and when I explained he looked at me horrified.
I also insisted that my ds would only ever play with a certain type of wooden toys. It was forbidden that he’d play with “toxic plastic tat” 🤣 jokes on me, 4 years later my house is full of plastic tat!
I look back and cringe at myself.

@PoptartPoptart

I walked backwards pulling DS in his pram behind me the entire way home from the park once (about a 15 min walk) so the sun wasn’t shining in his eyes. I must’ve looked like a right twat

Oh My God I did this !! And when cleaning the pram for my next one, realised the top bit unzipped, and swung to the other side (to shade baby)

@Hoppinggreen

Sil takes PFB to a new level and I have so many stories about her. We weren’t allowed to walk through the graveyard in case PFB worked out from the dates on a grave that children can die (he was 3 and not that good at Maths) She also told my DC that they mustn’t say the word “vampire” in front of her PFB as he might find out what one was and would then be scared. It was basically the only word they used all day after that

I do not have children but years ago a former colleague had her first baby and joined the team, with the baby, at a team lunch thing to keep in touch while she was on mat leave. The baby was very jolly and smiley and loved people. One of our colleagues (a lovely, gentle dad of four and grandad of twins, amazing with kids) was just about to take his turn at having a little cuddle when the baby's mum asked him to take off his ring first because it was a skull and that might traumatise her sensitive 8-month-old.

My PFB was a very good sleeper. At 5 months he was sleeping through the night and having two good naps in the day. I had two friends with babies the same age, who were terrible sleepers. My friends were a lot kinder than I deserved when I worried aloud to them that I was afraid there was something wrong because PFB slept so much . (In my defence, I had read that a sign of leukaemia was being tired.) Anyway, I got my comeuppance with my second DC.

@PutinIsAWarCriminal

Outing, but I spent 4 hours in a&e demanding people inspect the soiled nappy in my handbag. Pfb had eaten banana for the first time, and I thought the little brown fibre strands his poo was full of were blood worms 😳

I still remember the first banana nappy!! 🤣🤣

@Hdhsyegdhdj

Mine is so embarrassing... As I was preparing to leave labour ward, I was told by a MW that my husband was 'causing a commotion' in reception. Convinced they had the wrong husband, I questioned what the hell was going on. Transpires it was because I'd told him baby and I could only leave with baby safely strapped into the car seat. Without realising ours was fixed and the seat didn't detach (bought 2 days beforehand, and yeah, PFB mum who didn't know these things). My husband was so frantic that he'd never get to see us again (in his defence, it was during Covid), he'd disengaged all logic, and dismantled and dragged the whole (10kgs??) thing, pole and all, through the hospital into labour ward. Throughout pregnancy, the thought of that moment your proud husband carries baby out of the hospital in the car seat had kept me going. Instead, I wheeled my baby out in a plastic tub, accompanied by a very unimpressed MW, whilst shamefaced husband swiftly reassembled the seat 🤦 I dread to think what they said about us afterwards!

Oh God that had me howling 😂😂😂

I had an ap to record feeds, sleep and nappies. Breast feeds were timed with a stop watch so I could enter the time to the second. Bottle feeds were measured into a jug that had 1 ml increments. Any not drunk was measured so that I could record exact amounts. Nappies we're recorded both time and contents, and then I discovered you could upload photos so somewhere on the internet there are hundreds of pictures of my daughters shitty nappies with descriptions of texture. Lasted for about 8 months before I finally calmed down enough to stop.

I have just taken her to a settling in hour and nursery and on picking her up announced to my mum that she hates it, she's traumatised and the other babies are obviously bullying her so she won't be going back. All because she had a little cry when I left her so there's obviously plenty of PFB left in me.