To think it's rude to keep someone waiting and not even let them know?

ReadyforEaster · 2022-04-07T15:24:39+00:00

Aibu to think this is rude and annoying. Waiting in for someone (family not a tradesperson) to come. They were supposed to come first thing, great because I had things to do. They got delayed, said they'd be half an hour late. No further communication throughout the day. 5 hours later they turn up without so much as an "on my way" text. I couldn't just go out or tell them not to come (won't say why incase they are on here) but they absolutely had to come today. I'd had a day off to sort this and was banking on getting it sorted and then running lots of errands so it's completely buggered up my day.

ComDummings · 07/04/2022 16:25

Yeah that’s so rude

2Gen · 07/04/2022 17:47

Definitely extremely rude and inconsiderate!
Are they normally respectful of you or have they form for treating you shabbily?
If the former, have a chat to them about it rather than bottle it up! If the latter, it'd probably be a waste of time; you'd need to be able to get it off your chest some other way, like on MN, and have a good oul' rant about it, then don't ever rely on them nor go out of your way for them again!

Candleabra · 07/04/2022 17:52

Really rude. 5 hours is ridiculous. Did they apologise or do they have form for letting people down?

Wren44 · 07/04/2022 17:54

Incredibly rude. I have a family member who is consistently late for everything. Not just 15 minutes or half an hour, or even an hour late - they are late for up to 3-4 hours. So many dinners, events messed up, people hanging around for this person to turn up. They won’t text or call to say they will be late. When they do turn up they do not apologise. When challenged they become arrogant and defensive, basically it’s always a 2 fingers up to all of us.

Lsquiggles · 07/04/2022 17:57

My in laws do this and it drives me mad. My dp will arrange to pick them up (they don't drive) at say 11am and when he calls to confirm 10 mins before his mom has just got in the bath, almost every time! They then get a cab over many hours later, after leaving us waiting most of the day

TheArtfulBlogger · 07/04/2022 17:58

@Wren44

Incredibly rude. I have a family member who is consistently late for everything. Not just 15 minutes or half an hour, or even an hour late - they are late for up to 3-4 hours. So many dinners, events messed up, people hanging around for this person to turn up. They won’t text or call to say they will be late. When they do turn up they do not apologise. When challenged they become arrogant and defensive, basically it’s always a 2 fingers up to all of us.

Why on EARTH are they still invited to things???! Mad

Wren44 · 07/04/2022 18:12

@ TheArtfulBlogger

Other family members over look this and many other kinds of bad behaviour from this person, because they believe this person has had a hard life and we should just accept this person’s actions no matter what.

I for one will not not be inviting this person to anything again.

Iloveacurry · 07/04/2022 18:21

You should just gone out and on with your day! If you were out, well they would of been at fault.

balalake · 07/04/2022 18:24

Lateness is bad enough, not telling even worse.

I applauded the Arsenal men's football manager, Mikel Arteta, for dropping a player for repeated lateness and eventually the said man having to leave the club.

Original poster

ReadyforEaster · 07/04/2022 18:35

Annoyingly I don't want to say to much in case the person is on here.

But it was actually dhs relative and something I'd been roped into sorting out even though I wasn't keen on getting involved. I couldn't just go out and leave it and also couldn't get on with what I wanted to do at home. Well I could have but it would have made a load of hassle for dh and this person.

The person has form for being rude and disrespectful towards me and this is just another sticking two fingers up at me.

I'd really like to tell them just to fuck off and not to darken my door again but always try to keep the peace for the sake of dh.

OP posts:

phoenixrosehere · 07/04/2022 18:40

YANBU

My DH’s friends do this and so do his parents and it is a massive pet peeve of mine. His friends were supposed to come over at a certain time and were 90 minutes late. They got lost (our home is off a major motorway, we’re near a tourist attraction, and they were using sat Nav and Google maps) yet never called or texted. DH texted them because we was worried something happened after an hour. In-laws come and they give us the time their train arrives in London but never the time they’ll make it to ours which is about an hour outside of London by train. We will get a text that they’re on their way but it will be 2-3 sometimes 4 hours before they actually show up. I just would like a rough time. I’m the type that will give you a time and if I think I’m going to be 5 min+ late, I text asap. If DH and I are going out for the day alone, we give a rough time or say we don’t know but will text when we do, give the train time and sorted.

It’s not a hard ask and takes seconds to text or call. Something bad happens, we are least have an idea where they were.

coffeeisthebest · 07/04/2022 18:50

I think it's rude. I knew someone who did this all the time, was also very defensive if I tried to ask why and would say she simply couldn't be on time, and the icing on the cake was that she loved to point out how rude everyone else was. She is no longer in my life. Good luck to her.

WTF475878237NC · 07/04/2022 18:52

Your DH shouldn't allow you to be treated so rudely.

ShepherdMoons · 07/04/2022 18:53

Yes, very rude! I think up to an hour late isn't ideal but things happen and you can still salvage your day in that case. However, up to five hours to be waiting is ridiculous.

A neighbour once was supposed to come to our house for a playdate and kept me waiting up to two hours. Apparently they were slow eating lunch. I think it shows zero respect for other people's time! Needless to say I haven't arranged anything further since.

Sceptre86 · 07/04/2022 18:53

My sil does this every time it's one of my kids birthdays as she knows it buggers the evening up. I don't wait for her anymore, so when the other guests get here, we sing happy birthday and cut cake. We've done this a few times now and nephew ends up crying that he missed the cake cutting and sil complains but the last time dhs auntie said, 'well you should have turned up on time then'. It's not just me who sees her crappy behaviour thankfully.

Yanbu, they think their time is more precious than yours so yes it is rude.

AnyCakeButBattenburg · 07/04/2022 20:06

That's incredibly rude and inconsiderate. I wouldn't make myself available for them again.

TheArtfulBlogger · 07/04/2022 22:06

Turn this around -
they keep getting invited, say yes and then do things completely on their own terms. No repercussions from any of their spineless relatives one and people are prepared to keep supporting/enabling this behaviour.

Why WOULDN'T they carry on?

20viona · 07/04/2022 22:12

So rude

RicherThanYew · 07/04/2022 22:28

It is bloody rude and so aggravating too. I was supposed to have my friends son over to our house after school for a few hours, it was planned and DS was excited. I text my friend on the morning of the day he was due to visit just to let her know that I would drop him home later on to save her the hassle. I didn't hear a word from her all day until at 5 to 3 I had a text message saying sorry hun but he's been off school today as he had a stomach bug on the weekend. WELL BLOODY TELL ME THEN. It wouldn't be such a big deal if the kid wasn't a hugely fussy eater who will only eat plain cheese supermarket brand pizza from a specific supermarket and I'd walked there in peeing down rain

TheArtfulBlogger · 07/04/2022 23:17

@RicherThanYew please, please, please for the love of sanity tell me you gave her a response similar to your post

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 07/04/2022 23:20

Oh no that's incredibly rude!

Nnique · 07/04/2022 23:24

@ReadyforEaster

Annoyingly I don't want to say to much in case the person is on here.

But it was actually dhs relative and something I'd been roped into sorting out even though I wasn't keen on getting involved. I couldn't just go out and leave it and also couldn't get on with what I wanted to do at home. Well I could have but it would have made a load of hassle for dh and this person.

The person has form for being rude and disrespectful towards me and this is just another sticking two fingers up at me.

I'd really like to tell them just to fuck off and not to darken my door again but always try to keep the peace for the sake of dh.

You should have just left it and let the natural consequences happen - hassle for your DH and this person. That’s fair and square when people are so rude and disrespectful.

Nnique · 07/04/2022 23:26

Ah sorry didn’t meant to quote!

But really you’ve now been massively inconvenienced when actually you didn’t have to be. Next time let the person’s actions inconvenience them rather than you.

ThurstonArmbrister · 07/04/2022 23:30

An ex of mine was consistently late. Never 5 hours, admittedly, but it was so frequent it wore very thin.

On one memorable occasion she was picking me up to go out, so I got ready and waited by the window... and waited... and waited. No "sorry I'm late, setting off now" phone call or message, so I was apoplectic when she eventually arrived and it turned out she'd been on the phone listening to a friend's latest drama.

She defended this by arguing that it was common courtesy. To her friend. She did at least have the decency to look ashamed when I pointed out that it is also common courtesy to turn up when you say you're going to (or at very least to advise if you aren't), and asked why I, her actual boyfriend, was apparently less deserving of such courtesy than her friend.

Newestname002 · 07/04/2022 23:40

@ReadyforEaster

I'd really like to tell them just to fuck off and not to darken my door again but always try to keep the peace for the sake of dh.

Then your DH should be having words with this person (clearly, however politely) that you are being disrespected and they should amend their behaviour - particularly if they're expecting help from you.

You sound firmly put in the middle of bad behaviour by both this relative and your DH if he's not doing anything about it. Perhaps you and your husband can discuss this and how to live forward in future? 🌹