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AIBU?

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Resentment towards husband during IVF journey

41 replies

VintageDreamr · 06/04/2022 13:59

My husband and I had decided to try IVF to conceive our second child (first was natural) due to our age, I am 40, he’s 50. We didn’t do much research before going into it, but he did it before with his ex wife without success (on which he blamed it on her because she refused to take things easy after the transfer). The journey started alright, but as the time goes on, I feel more and more resentful towards my husband. I felt that he was not emotionally and mentally supportive throughout the process (he was busy on his phone while I was recovering from the egg retrieval procedure and before my embryo transfer; he was complaining about the waiting time during the registration for the egg retrieval procedure and appear sulky thereafter; masturbating a few hours after I gave him oral pleasures for the 3rd time on that day). Just before the embryo transfer we had a big fight because I was fed up with him looking at his phone almost continuously. And the fight continued on the way home, on which I mentioned that I didn’t like what he did (masturbation right after we had oral sex). He said he would continue doing it although he knows it hurts me. We barely talk now, and we are in the stage of waiting to see if we get pregnant or not. I somehow feel he was being insensitive, immature and selfish, while my body has to do all the preparations to make this IVF successful. Since he was the only breadwinner, he pays for all the IVF expenses and he doesn’t forget to remind me about it during our fight.
I’m just feeling lonely, depressed and sad now. I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
Passthebubbly · 06/04/2022 15:54

@TheVanguardSix you are awesome!

PriestessofPing · 06/04/2022 16:03

Do you really want to get pregnant again to such a man? If so, why? He sounds horrible and selfish, why would you want to lumber two children with a father like that?

Horcruxe · 06/04/2022 16:10

@HellToTheNope

Good grief, the last thing you should do is have another baby with this man.
This.

Count your lucky stars you have one, but definitely dont go for another one.

And obviously LTB but if you're not ready yet, at least dont bring another child into this.

yorkshireteaspoonie · 06/04/2022 16:51

@Puppyseahorse

Ooof, blaming the ex wife for ivf failure is a red flag to me. Have you spoken to him about feeling unsupported during the process? What has he said?

I can see why you’re upset about that- I’m more puzzled as to why you’re focusing on the masturbation. That seems to be distracting from a more important issue, which is his lack of support. Do you expect him to never masturbate? Would you have preferred to give him a 4th blow job in a day??

Exactly this 👆🏾
TheVanguardSix · 06/04/2022 17:48

Can we just settle the blow job thing once and for all?

Call me crazy but I imagine OP would like him to go down on her once in a while! She'd like some love and tenderness and affection and acknowledgment for all the shit her body's going through to try and have baby number 2. It matters! You can bet he's taking and not giving. I'll eat my hat if he's a giver... 3 blow jobs a day, a ham shank, and then giving his wife the good loving she deserves. I'll tell you what's not happening in that scenario: The latter. It's all about him. Am I wrong? Sorry to be indiscreet about it but honestly! He needs to just value the woman he's supposed to love and support.

HELLITHURT · 06/04/2022 17:53

Did you actually want to get to give him oral 3. times that day!

I doubt it very much, you need to ask yourself why you did that? Is it because he holds the purse strings for the IVF?

HELLITHURT · 06/04/2022 17:54

@thingymaboob

Why does it hurt you that he masturbates after oral sex? I'm genuinely interested as it seems odd that you'd find this hurtful. I honestly couldn't care less if my DH DTD on himself after I'd pleasured him. Sounds like you have a really unhealthy and immature relationship and he sounds like a twat.
Because she's given him oral three tones that day, do you think she actually really wanted too? And still it's not fucking good enough for him!
PinkSyCo · 06/04/2022 18:11

YABU to want a child with this pig of a man.

VintageDreamr · 09/04/2022 01:52

😘 @TheVanguardSix

OP posts:
VintageDreamr · 09/04/2022 01:53

😘 @HELLITHURT

OP posts:
VintageDreamr · 09/04/2022 01:59

@HELLITHURT I didn’t do it because he was holding the purse strings for IVF, I did it because I don’t have any good reasons not to

OP posts:
VintageDreamr · 09/04/2022 02:00

@Passthebubbly thank you 😘

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 09/04/2022 02:01

I did it because I don’t have any good reasons not to

As long as you know that "I don't feel like it" is a good reason.

HELLITHURT · 09/04/2022 14:21

[quote VintageDreamr]@HELLITHURT I didn’t do it because he was holding the purse strings for IVF, I did it because I don’t have any good reasons not to[/quote]
But did you actively want to?

Cakecakecheese · 09/04/2022 15:17

Yeah him blaming the ex wife isn't on. There's no reason why you can't carry on as normal after as a transfer as long as you don't do anything extreme. Although you can say no more blow jobs as you're taking things easy.

Lastqueenofscotland · 09/04/2022 15:24

@MrsTerryPratchett

I did it because I don’t have any good reasons not to

As long as you know that "I don't feel like it" is a good reason.

Yes. Did you actually want to or just did it because you felt you should for some reason. He sounds really grim. Do you really want him to be the father of your child?
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