What do you do when you disagree with your partner about parenting?

[Raintostop]

DH and I disagree about car seats, use of dummies and diet.

It isn’t so much about who is right and wrong (obviously I think I am right!) but more now to approach it?

Show him the evidence for the safety of rear facing car seats and the evidence for why you should never use a second hand car seat then put it in your boot and tell him you'll take it to the tip.

Use of dummies - at 14 months wean them off it for their teeth.

Diet - I don't understand a debate here. It needs to be healthy and balanced.

The harness looks standard to me but if you do up the straps firmly it should be ok? I know some toddlers are ridiculous little Houdinis but I think all harnesses in carseats are pretty similar.

Thanks, he stresses me out with it, it was how I realised DS has outgrown his baby one as he was stood up in it!

But I don’t know I just feel a bit marginalised in parenting. There’s so much I wouldn’t do personally. And I look like such a shit mum as a result.

@Raintostop

The problem is he keeps putting it forward facing.

I know that made no sense because I didn’t really post about car seat advice but to clarify he has a car seat that can be rear or FF but always puts it FF. the other one in my car is FF only. Originally I had a RF one but DS grew out of it and DH came home with one his mate gave him.

So I do need to get one but he thinks it’s a waste of money. I will have to buy it out of ‘my’ money but seems u fair and plus doesn’t solve Dh not having DS RF in his car.

So why don't you put the one in your car that is only FF in his car so you get a RF seat at the very least when child is with you.

Luckily my husband and I are on the same page with most things and have sensible discussions about others where we both compromise. We were together for a good 15 years before kids though so had a long time before having them to work out our differences

Mentally divide the disagreements into ´crap parenting but not damaging long term’ and ´safety issue’. Put your foot down over safety issues, agree to disagree over the ´just’ crap parenting bits. It’s hard I know. My DH lives our children but he never does any research on anything and wings it all. I let go of the things that are less important to me and push for the things that matter. Sometimes I just remind him of the probable consequences of his choices, like ´if you play music full of swear words around our toddler he may well pick them up and use them in inappropriate situations, like at nursery.’ I don’t say ´our child must never listen to that song’.

Newmumatlast, I don’t think you can really know how your other half will parent until you are actually in charge of your child together. Even babysitting together doesn’t really prep you because they may well be prepared to follow the child’s parents rules even if they wouldn’t do the same with their own child. Looking after babies and toddlers is so different to most things we do in life. Being laid back and not overthinking things is generally a good quality. Applied inappropriately to babies and toddlers it can be terrifying to watch.

Newmumatlast, I don’t think you can really know how your other half will parent until you are actually in charge of your child together.

One of the very few benefits of being a stepparent before becoming a parent!

Yep I used to like how laid back DH was but it’s actually not so great.

I think when its about safety, unless one person is being way over the top (eg not letting them do what most other people would do) or causing a load of inconvenience, then the one who wants to err on the side of caution by following current scientific / government advice, should get the final say

^ this seems reasonable to me too. I'm in a similar position OP. My husband often thinks he knows best and vice versa but we tend to prove our points with science which? reports etc.

I'd honestly rather go on the beg from family than put baby in a forward facing seat. Throw out the forward facing one and swap them over. Inconvenient but safer!

First off if he is putting your child at risk, it is a deal breaker.

In matters such as this, you carried the baby, you decide.

If he is arguing and dismissing you, you have a real problem.

Don't think this will resolve itself.

It will escalate to him dismissing you in front of your child.

For goodness sake don't have anothet child with a man who is so dismissive of you.

A good man and father, doesn't do that.

Men like him are usually bully's, controlling, dominators.

It doesn't make for a good life.

I hope you work?
If you don't, I suggest you return to it.

Don't be vulnerable with a man who thinks he knows it all.