To write a DNR

[Diversion]

I am in my early to mid 50's, no significant health issues but currently dealing with moving in laws into care and DH and his siblings have no idea of their parents end of life wishes etc. Have already had to deal with the question of DNR for one of my parents and want my own wishes written now whilst I am of sound body and mind. would be witnessed, my loved ones informed and a copy sent to my GP. Already have a will in place. AIBU?

I think you can write your wishes down but it isn't an official DNR unless it's the proper form and a Dr signs it. I may be wrong though.

The NHS website covers a DNR. It is recorded on a special form. You need to speak to your GP.

If you want it for the future - you can do a living will/advanced directive for if/when you are not competent to make decisions later.

Definitely make your wishes known. About 25 years ago, I was watching a documentary on assisted suicide with my Dad and he asked me whether I would help him, should the need arise. He told me he would never want to live 'as a vegetable' (his words).
Anyhow, he had a 'widowmaker' cardiac arrest and survived - just. Over the course of 9 weeks, he kept having arrests and they would resuscitate him every time. Every time he came 'back', he was weaker, more swollen with fluids and more confused.

I asked the doctors not to resuscitate him again. To let him go naturally, not force him to cling to life - well I say life, it would have been a further few weeks in a hospital bed wearing a nappy and drooling. Because we'd had the conversation about what he wanted, I knew I was asking for the kindest course of action and felt no guilt. Thankfully, the specialist agreed with me and my dad was released from the existence he never wanted.

Flamin' hell, I've written an essay there - I didn't mean to go on. I just wanted to let you and anyone else reading that talking about your death and what you want/do not want in the process can be incredibly useful and may even provide your loved ones with some comfort should difficult decisions need to be made and, of course, after you've gone. I encourage everyone to have these conversations.

I live in Australia, so not sure if it’s the same in UK (but our laws are very UK-based, so wouldn’t be surprised.)
We have something called an “Advanced Health Directive.” You can lodge it with your will and keep copies so that you attach it to your medical files and carry it with you.
This enables you to be as specific as you want regarding circumstances, such as being parent really-fed if you are unable to feed yourself, etc…My experience is that a DNR isn’t enough information.

@RobertaFirmino - my dad had motor neurone disease. Bloody horrible. My mother chose her own way out which involved clinging on, staying out of hospital and died an undignified, horrible, prolonged and painful death. I have a very detailed AHD.

There is a respect form that we use that states wishes for treatment of care but I work with people with health issues.

A dnr will not stop active treatment but means if you die you are not for resuscitation

I'm in Australia, and I have a living will which stipulates my wishes in the instance of life ending injuries or illness.

After losing my mum in my mid twenties, I was determined to have my wishes clearly documented for my loved ones to follow. This includes when to end treatment and comfort only.

I also have documented my wishes for my funeral - not detailed but specifying burial and to be non religious.

Along side my will, I also have a "last stop" document in my cloud with details of all my relevant accounts. For security no login details, but my next of kin will be able to gain access from my death certificate.

I know it sounds like a lot, but, after going through it for a loved one when I had to make all the decisions, I refuse to do this to my loved ones. It's funny to see the reactions of some of my friends, we're in our mid thirties now but a few cannot handle the thought of this type of planning.

You need to complete an advanced health directive and get it signed by your GP. Don't just write down your wishes - you have to use the correct document for it to be valid.

My dear Dad just wrote it down , thinking that this would be sufficient. At 86 he had multiple cardiac arrests in hospital, but they resuscitated him every time. When I saw the doctor to ask them to stop doing it, they said he didn't have a valid DNR so they couldn't just stop.

Hello, I’m quite new to Mumsnet but this thread really struck a chord with me as it’s very much linked to the work that I do; you are 100% not being unreasonable!
Any adult (with capacity) who has strong feelings about what treatments they do and do not want at the end of life should document their wishes. Some of the responses that I have read sadly illustrate just how important this is.

I am a nurse and support people to prepare for their end of life and that includes helping people to record their wishes about end of life treatment & care. I’m so pleased to read that people have mentioned Advance Decision forms (aka living wills). My charity provide these for free and I can help you to complete it. You don’t need a GP to sign it for it to be legally binding but they should be given a copy of the completed form. Here is a link to the form and our website compassionindying.org.uk/library/advance-decision-pack/
Feel free to get in touch with me if you would like to know more.

Hope this helps,
Sarah

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and comments and thank you @PoshEggs, that was really helpful.

I think what you need is an Advance Medical Directive (covers a lot more than DNR). You can find proformas online.

You might also want to consider writing directions for your funeral. your Will. and choosing a trusted person willing to act as Power of Attorney.