My DH isn’t bothered how he looks

[Chocolatebun]

AIBU about this?

Name-changed for a reason.

My DH has stopped bothering about his appearance.
He’s never been hugely fussed, but it’s a real extreme now.

He turned 40 last year and he’s just totally not making any effort with his look.

He’s letting his beard grow and not in a good way. His electric razor broke and he decided not to get a new one, we have enough money that isn’t the issue. His moustache is growing long and over his top lip, it’s really unpleasant.
He wears a dirty hoody most of the time (unless he’s at work) and sits with his hood up, even indoors.
His skin has always been bad (adult acne issues and scarring) but he used to keep on top of it with face washing, creams etc.
Now he has all these bleeding pustules on his face and neck.
His hair is totally unstyled and he just isn’t bothered how it looks.

I know this all sounds really shallow, but I’m getting concerned.
I try talking to him, but he just shuts me down and gets annoyed/angry.

Can anyone help? I feel like I’m living with a angsty teen, not a 40 year old.

Thanks for all the replies.

You’re right, I need to be more firm about how I feel and how it’s impacting our relationship and our child too, I didn’t think of that really.
I mean he still plays with him and takes him out on walks etc. But I guess the appearance issue isn’t a great one for growing up with.

He said the reason he doesn’t want to take ADs anymore is that they made him extremely tired and sluggish and he also struggled to get an erection or reach orgasm on them. I know that’s not a big deal in the scheme of things, but he seems bothered by that.

He won’t talk to me, he just gets snappy and goes off in a sulk if I bring it up.

There’s not much point in him being able to get an erection and orgasm if you can’t bear to look at him @Chocolatebun. He needs to tell his GP about those side effects and have them look at alternative ADs.

Based on your reply I think it's a gentle honest conversation and take intimacy off the agenda until things resolve - don't force yourself to have sex. Offer to go to Dr with him if that helps x

You need to work past the snappy and angry response. He is grown man who can be responsible for his emotions. For your part you need to take responsibility for yours e.g. “my experience is that….” And “I feel…” rather than “you do this…” and “you make me feel…”

My dp can be sulky about stuff. I might say “I know this is hard to talk about but it’s important to me, so I’m going to keep coming back to it because it’s really important we communicate about this.”

Go gently but don’t take no for an answer, he is your husband and you need to be able to talk about it. He might not be able to articulate what the problem is right away, and that’s ok. You can ‘not know’ together or work through it together but it’s so vital to discuss it.