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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To think this isn't right?

23 replies

PinkAndViolet · 05/04/2022 12:36

Person A in their fifties, retired early 40's as husband earnt enough to keep them going.
Is friends with Person B who is 40, 2 chronic illnesses, works but very limited hours as got made redundant last year and is doing this job even though they dislike it. Waiting for a more suitable role to come up but has been 6 months now.
Aibu to say that Person A should not be judging Person B especially as their personal circumstances and physical health are very different to theirs?

OP posts:

GeneLovesJezebel · 05/04/2022 12:38

I would imagine Person A judges everyone.

ApolloandDaphne · 05/04/2022 12:39

What is person A saying and who are they saying it to? Impossible to comment without more information.

WhyOfCourse · 05/04/2022 12:40

How does this judging manifest? And what are they judging them for?

Original poster

PinkAndViolet · 05/04/2022 12:42

Saying things like-

You can't be earning much at all.
You're only doing a very little job still.

OP posts:

StepAwayFromGoogling · 05/04/2022 12:42

Much more information needed, that's a ridiculous OP.

WhyOfCourse · 05/04/2022 12:43

@PinkAndViolet

Saying things like-

You can't be earning much at all.
You're only doing a very little job still.

That's none of their fucking business

StopFeckingFaffing · 05/04/2022 12:44

Really need to know what the 'judgement' coming from A to B involves but if they are friends you would expect A to be supportive rather than judgemental about B's attempts to find more suitable work

Alonelonelyloner · 05/04/2022 12:44

I think it is human to judge - we all do it - it is more than just judgement to say those rude things, it's being impolite and having no class as a person at all.
Are they supposed to be friends???

MySecretHistory · 05/04/2022 12:46

They didn't retire in early 40s- they stopped working

Itwasntmeright · 05/04/2022 12:46

I would say person B’s circumstances are precisely fuck all to do with person A and they should mind their own business.

Pushed to it I’d say person A is a fine one to talk considering they don’t even have a job and rely on someone else to keep them, even though they are perfectly capable of working.

WhyOfCourse · 05/04/2022 12:48

Unless I guess B owes A looooads of money and A is getting fed up but even then there are ways of coming to agreements about paying it back

iklboo · 05/04/2022 12:49

Person A is a dick and should be pulled on it every single time.

Bluetowelsandflannels · 05/04/2022 12:51

More detail required before we can judge

TheRossatron · 05/04/2022 12:53

Person A should get off their arse and have some self respect

TyrannosaurusRegina · 05/04/2022 13:10

A bit more info is needed, no one can judge on that sparse amount of information. Judging in what way?

melj1213 · 05/04/2022 13:11

@PinkAndViolet

Saying things like-

You can't be earning much at all.
You're only doing a very little job still.

Depends on the context though.

If Person B is constantly complaining that they have no money, never have any free time and generally being negative, saying something like "Well you're not exactly working many hours, could you do more?" might be blunt but also true, especially if they're not actively doing anything to improve their situation.

SaxendaSummer · 05/04/2022 13:25

cant see how those examples are 'judging'

Chikapu · 05/04/2022 13:29

Context is everything OP, you've provided so little info it's hard to say.

Palavah · 05/04/2022 13:31

Why is person B engaging with person A?

girlmom21 · 05/04/2022 13:36

@PinkAndViolet

Saying things like-

You can't be earning much at all.
You're only doing a very little job still.

In response to what?

HollowTalk · 05/04/2022 13:40

Is the second person dependent on others for money to live on?

Silverclocks · 05/04/2022 13:45

I have similar(ish) circumstances to person A.

I like to think I'm m a supportive (and generous) friend to people like person B and I can't imagine saying the kinds of things you say they do. However, I don't expect to be made to feel bad for being comfortable and if they were complaining about their circumstances a lot I might make some "helpful" suggestions that might not be well received.

The tone of the OP is quite judgemental against person A IMO.

incognitoforthisone · 05/04/2022 13:46

Despite all this 'person A' and 'person B' nonsense, we are not getting a full and unbiased account of what's going on here as the post has been written in a way that's clearly designed to elicit a response in favour of person B. However, in reality:

Maybe A is indeed a twat who is judging person B, in which case person B has no obligation to continue being friends with them and should probably just tell A to fuck off.

Maybe person A is just trying to suggest solutions to person B's problems but is doing it in a way that's a bit clueless and annoying.

Maybe person B is one of those people who talks about nothing but their illnesses and how miserable they are, and person A is starting to find that a bit draining as they may well have problems of their own that person B has no idea about.

Maybe person B is subconsciously resentful of person A's good fortune.

We simply cannot know. However, if this is really bothering person B, they are not obliged to continue the friendship at all. Perhaps A and B just have different ideas about things and aren't compatible.

Flip