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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I cut my losses?

13 replies

Anon565326 · 05/04/2022 07:07

I've been speaking to a man for a few months. He seems nice and genuine and we have a lot of interests in common. But I'm worried he will never get a stable job. He is in and out of agency work, which I know with the current climate can't be helped. He has just started a new job and if he does well then he will be made permanent in 3 months. He had yesterday off for a cold. He mentioned he had a cold on the weekend but still went out twice with his mates. He said he didn't know whether to go in today as he was still sneezing but he was well enough to drive to McDonald's last night. He has a chance of something permanent and he just seems to be purposely messing it up. Maybe I'm unreasonable but do you really take 2 days off for a cold? Especially when you're still on a temp contract? He's lost the last 2 temp jobs as well. One because he refused to come in the 10 minutes early before shift and the last one because of work quality. I want to start a family in the next year and my gut is telling me he isnt going to be a stable partner. Aibu?

OP posts:

Bdhntbis · 05/04/2022 07:11

I had an ex like this and I was (young and) naive enough at the beginning to believe his excuses about why it was always someone’s else’s fault that he couldn’t keep a job. Once we moved in together it became really stressful not knowing if he’d have a reliable income and I realised we’d never be able to buy a house, get married etc and I lost any respect for him as a good work ethic is important to me.
I’d cut your losses now rather than waste any more time if I’m brutally honest

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 05/04/2022 07:15

Firstly, I can take a week off work for a cold because I just feel so ill. However, I'm in bed and not nipping out to the shops, going out with mates etc etc.

Secondly, you've been speaking to him for 2 months and not had a date ??

Thirdly, your gut is right, he's unreliable and frankly a waste of space.

Don't let your 'biological clock' push you into poor choices.

Indicatrice · 05/04/2022 07:15

Go with your gut. Always.

FloraPostePosts · 05/04/2022 07:43

Rather than looking for a man to start a family with, if having a child is your aim, I’d go for sperm donation rather than risk tying yourself to a loser. Seriously. You’d never be happy with someone like this, especially if you were looking for him to be a proper partner and take on his responsibilities as a parent. If he can’t even keep a temp job, he’s no sort of prospect.

Bywayofanupdate · 05/04/2022 07:46

Yabu to think about starting a family with someone you've been speaking to for a few months. And yes, it does sound like he's not going to be the reliable type

Original poster

Anon565326 · 05/04/2022 07:56

We have been on dates but I cooled it as I had concerns. Yeah I think I'll go with my gut

OP posts:

AllOfUsAreDead · 05/04/2022 08:01

Like another poster, I can be bed ridden from a cold. But that's the difference, I literally don't get out of bed except for the toilet. I don't go out to pubs or mcdonalds, I barely eat!

Go with your gut, he's a loser, always will be. He'll make a terrible father.

Original poster

Anon565326 · 05/04/2022 08:04

I think that's the thing. Im in a permanent role so I know that I could take 3 absences per year without issue. I would just take a day but if k felt meh then it's an option. But if you've just got a job and they could get rid of you anytime then unless I was bedridden I wouldn't be calling in sick. It doesn't look good does it

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 05/04/2022 08:08

YANBU to be concerned about his history of losing jobs and taking time off for a cold while on probation.

Why have you been speaking for ‘a few months’? Waste of your time.

YABU for seeking to ttc within the year in a new relationship.

Original poster

Anon565326 · 05/04/2022 08:14

I don't want to TTC yet. I just meant that I'm looking to settle down within a year etc. But yeah I'll follow my gut in this one thanks

OP posts:

Ponoka7 · 05/04/2022 08:32

He also sounds inflexible, arsey and very self centered. They are not the qualities that you want in a partner.

freedomhereicome · 05/04/2022 08:53

Sounds like you've already got it. Just coming here for confirmation.

But yeah if you're ill you're ill. But you're not nipping out for a burger and seeing your mates.

He sounds incredibly immature. His priorities aren't right. Whereas you sound sorted with aims and looking to the future.

Frankly it's a relief to read something where the op is so 'on it' already! Throw him back and keep listening to your gut

Nothappyatwork · 05/04/2022 08:59

Can I also throw into the mix that if you meet dream man tomorrow you shouldn’t be having children with them a year later that’s an extraordinarily bad idea. I think psychologist say it takes about three years to truly get to know somebody at the very least I’d be aiming for around the 18 month mark to see if the mask slips. I had a friend who was completely up for marrying a man she’d met online luckily no children involved in this scenario long story short she did some damage to her spine, once she was no longer able to do the deed three times a night he decided that she was no longer of any use to him.

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