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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Party venue?

23 replies

McConkeysPlate · 04/04/2022 21:43

Hello. My DD, 10 has an invite to her best friends birthday at a wonderful kid friendly theme park. I am in two minds to let her go due to the fact the last time she (and a few of my other children) went with their Daddy and had a really great time, but he took his life the next week.
So this is the last fantastic memory they have with him. I want this to stay a special memory. I don’t want this visit being mixed up with other visits.
AIBU to decline the invite? Or should I let her go and have an amazing time? Sorry if this doesn’t make much sense when written down. Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
cowsaysmoo · 04/04/2022 22:02

I think going with her daddy will be special memory regardless of how many times she will go to the same place again.
Also, if you keep forbidding her to go, she may start being upset and see it as a cause of her not being able to enjoy herself with her friends.

YoYoYoYoSup · 04/04/2022 22:04

Thats incredibly sad. How old is she now and how old was she when she look the trip with her dad? 🤔 is she old enough now for you to ask her how she feels about it?

Womencanlift · 04/04/2022 22:04

In the kindest way YABU

You risk spoiling that memory in your DD’s eyes as she will now relate the place as somewhere she wasn’t allowed to go with her friends

I see where you are coming from but don’t agree that this is the right decision

YoYoYoYoSup · 04/04/2022 22:05

Sorry just re read she's 10 now, the rest of my questions still stand though. Sorry for your loss too.

bloodywhitecat · 04/04/2022 22:07

I am so sorry to hear of your loss but her going with friends will never override her last precious memories of that theme park and her dad. Forbidding her is not the way to go.

Eucalyptusbee · 04/04/2022 22:09

Agree with PP.

Original poster
McConkeysPlate · 04/04/2022 22:09

She was 8 1/2 she is almost 10 now.
She will have a great time with her friend. It’s just a tough one. I know I need to let her go really. Thank you

OP posts:
FarmGirl78 · 04/04/2022 22:10

I'd let her go, but inform the parents or other adults attending that she might get a little upset at times.

It's good to have 'protected' memories, but going back there might provoke or prompt memories of her Father she might otherwise forget. Walking past the same ice cream booth they queued up at, or seeing a ride they both laughed on will help strengthen those memories. Yes, they might also mean she's upset when she comes home, but you can have a cuddle and talk about her Dad and go over her "new" re-remembered memories together. I'm sure there'll be tears, but the strengthening of memories she might forget will be invaluable. It won't erase memories, it will enhance them IMO.

Hope whatever you decide you can have a chat about her Dad and you'll both gain something from it and get doser xx

Eucalyptusbee · 04/04/2022 22:10

So so sorry for your loss. Flowers

Original poster
McConkeysPlate · 04/04/2022 22:12

Thank you.
It doesn’t feel right not to let her go. I needed this kick up the bum!

OP posts:
Original poster
McConkeysPlate · 04/04/2022 22:13

You are so right. Thank you x

OP posts:
BuanoKubiamVej · 04/04/2022 22:15

If she wants to go she should be allowed. She isn't going to be able to produce a better quality of grief for her father by never having a nice time at that venue again. It's not disrespectful to his memory. She loved her dad and always will but she will relate to his death and her memories of him differently to you and that has to be ok.

Original poster
McConkeysPlate · 04/04/2022 22:23

Thank you. I think it is that feeling of betraying the memory that I am struggling with. Which is very clearly my feelings not hers.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 04/04/2022 22:27

You’re not betraying the memory. That memory is a pure, whole memory. New experiences won’t touch it.

If she goes be kind to yourself and have people around you to lean on.

Original poster
McConkeysPlate · 04/04/2022 22:29

Apologies if I am not replying correctly, this is my first time posting 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 04/04/2022 22:34

So sorry about your DD’s fatherFlowers

You are definitely not betraying the memory. If she wants to go, let her go. I’m sure she will have an amazing time if she’s surrounded by friends.

Nothing, and I mean nothing will ever take away or overshadow the memories she will hold with her daddy.

BOOTS52 · 04/04/2022 22:37

I agree you should let her go and she will have a fun time. So sorry you all had to go through this and it still must be so difficult for you to just process it all. Have you anyone you can talk to as it will help. Hope you are ok as devastating for you. Thinking of you and wishing you well.

Original poster
McConkeysPlate · 04/04/2022 22:47

@BOOTS52, thank you. She will have a great time

OP posts:
Original poster
McConkeysPlate · 04/04/2022 22:48

@FlissyPaps thank you x

OP posts:
andysgirl22 · 05/04/2022 12:23

I'm sorry for all uve been through. I know it is hard for you but i think it is awesome u have reflected on everyone's advice. I did not mean that in a patronising way i think it is a beautiful example of what a lovely mum you are putting your dc first. Xxx

LittleGwyneth · 05/04/2022 12:54

Poor you and poor her. Do you think you could go along too as an extra adult / pair of hands, in case she finds herself overwhelmed. Well done for being open to this though - I can only imagine how hard it must be.

Original poster
McConkeysPlate · 05/04/2022 16:39

@andysgirl22 @littleGwyneth. Thank you. Kind words go far x

OP posts:
Itsbackagain · 05/04/2022 16:42

That's so sad but glad you've decided to let her go.

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