Don’t want to leave my baby

[user19888891]

My baby is six months old and I love being with her. I am on maternity leave and will be until she is nearly 11 months. DH and I are very lucky with lots of family support nearby but lately I’ve felt pressured to leave my baby with relatives while I go out. I feel like I constantly have to decline their invitations to meet my friends for lunch or go to the shops etc while they watch LO. They sometimes ask several times a day. But I don’t want to start making plans purely so I am creating an opportunity to leave LO with relatives.
I should say that I trust our relatives and have left LO with them when I’ve needed to go to medical appointments etc. But their offers to have ‘time to myself’ is something I just don’t want because I love spending time with my baby. We almost certainly won’t have any more children and I feel like this is my special time with her.
DH says I need to create distance with LO because I spend too much time with her. He also says that I need a break because there have been a few occasions where I’ve felt overwhelmed and tearful but I thought this was normal with a baby. He just doesn’t seem to understand that spending time with her makes me so happy.
So AIBU for wanting to spend so much time with my baby and being reluctant to leave her with relatives?

YANBU. They (family and friends) are being unreasonable.

It’s your baby. If you don’t want a break don’t have one. I didn’t with my son. He’s now 27 months and I’m still besotted with him. Made it back to work at 12 months but I still rush to see him at night. ❤️

@brookstar

Personally I always thought having a balance was the most healthy approach. Going out for lunch or the occasional night out isn't going to harm your baby and it's important to not neglect your adult relationships.

It's heathy if that's what YOU want to do. If OP isn't interested in leaving her baby at home to go out for a drink then I don't see how it is healthy for her to feel obligated to do so just because some people think that's what she should do.

It's heathy if that's what YOU want to do. If OP isn't interested in leaving her baby at home to go out for a drink then I don't see how it is healthy for her to feel obligated to do so just because some people think that's what she should do.

Which is why I said personally. I personally think it's healthy. It was the right thing for me.

It's also true that leaving a baby with a trusted carer while you go out for lunch or out for drinks is not going to harm the baby. You might choose not to do it, but that's for your benefit.
And I do think maintaining adult relationships is very important.
I didn't say anything controversial 🤷🏼‍♀️

@brookstar I think you are completely right. I also, personally think, it helps a baby to settle better if they are left for short periods of time, if mum is going back to work.
Most babies start nursery due to mum returning to work, around 9-12 months, which is also a peak period for separation anxiety. If they are used to being separated from mum before this time it is less stressful to baby.

@brookstar no and it's fine to do what's right for you but OP has said she does t want to. Saying it's healthy to leave her baby implies it's healthy generally and for her. Using the word "personally" doesn't actually change this.

In short she wasn't asking about you!

[quote RaRathebravemouse]@brookstar no and it's fine to do what's right for you but OP has said she does t want to. Saying it's healthy to leave her baby implies it's healthy generally and for her. Using the word "personally" doesn't actually change this.

In short she wasn't asking about you! [/quote]
It would be a pretty short thread if nobody shared their opinions ......!! Isn't that kind of the point of posting on a forum like this? Or are people only allowed to agree with the OP?

I stand by those opinions. I personally feel it's healthy to go out occasionally without your baby and make an effort to maintain adult relationships. It's hardly a controversial opinion to hold!

Obviously, people are free to disagree and live their lives differently.

One day she will be 18 - maybe off to uni, maybe off travelling the world, maybe taking a job in a different town, whatever it is she will be an adult in the blink of an eye and free to live her own life independently. You don't owe anyone any time with her while you have her.

You made the decision to have a baby, you carried and birthed her and you are doing the work of raising her. You get to have as much of her as you need. You wouldn't be wrong for wanting a break either, it's totally up to the individual how they feel.

Does your husband get to spend time alone with her too or are you always there with him?

I think there are other relationships in life, including your marriage, that are important so I do think neglecting all others to be 100% focused on baby all the time isn't that healthy. I have seen some friends with that attitude also get caught up in needing to be the only one baby needs. He will only nap for me, she will only eat if I feed her, she only want me for comfort. They push everyone else away and become very dependent on baby needing them.

I think balance generally benefits most people. And while not at 6 months, I do think children also benefit from bonding and forming relationships with adults other than their parents.

I personally can't relate to this, as I can't imagine losing my own identity to this degree. However it is entirely up to you. You sound like a wonderful mum who has an amazing bond with her baby. Just remember that your worlds won't come crashing to an end if you decide this is something you'd like to try!